What a miserable life.

[LotteryLoserAgain]

No-one really cares about me. I try and give my DS advice and I'm told I'm being miserable (his girlfriend is too controlling and he spends a lot of money on her). All the OH is interested in me for is the obvious. My sister has been pretty unpleasant to me following our mum's death (problems with selling her home). I just feel totally unwanted for who I really am. I'm just here to pay the bills, do the housework and arrange everything. I want to run away and yet I love DS and OH dearly.

The world news just fills me with terror. It's all shit.

I couldn't ignore your post.

You do sound depressed. How old is your DS? It's probably not a good idea to give advice to adult children - best let them work things out for themselves.

Do you thin k your relationship with your OH might have run it's course? How long have you been together? Surely things weren't always like this.

Finally, have you got some girlfriends you can go out with, even just once a week?

DS is 19. Can't bear to see him being used or treated badly. Been with OH for 30 years. Can't imagine life without him. He loves me but takes me for granted. He doesn't really understand how I feel. But then I'm not sure how I feel either.

Zero friends. I was made redundant ten years ago and barely see anyone now. All my work is online.

yea that’s all a bit depressing

Yes I agree with pp you need some lovely friends!

Telling ds how to spend his income is kind to infuriate him, why not just stop? Think of the gf as an expensive and pointless hobby.

And dh… well look on the bright side, at less he still fancies you! If he’s only nice when he wants sex then that’s a very easy conversation to have: if you can’t summon the energy to be interested in me and nice enough to get me in the mood, don’t be surprised when I’m not in the mood.

Theres a lot you could change @LotteryLoserAgain

How? I feel lost and trapped

OP, no one is actually depending on you day-to-day for their survival. Your DS and OH are adults.

Why not book some leave and take some time away for you doing something you want to do and not thinking about anyone else for a change?

Your OH loves you? How does that manifest? I like the expression "love is a verb not a noun". What does he do to show you he loves you? Or does he just see you as a domestic appliance?

You say no one loves you for who you are, so who are you? What, outside of you OH and DS, brings you joy and passion?

Do more of that and let the other two miss you.

"I'm not cooking tonight I'm going to salsa class have a nice evening bye"
That sort of thing.

Don’t let those bastards grind lovely you down OP!

I know the world news is dreadful, but you can’t change it. What you can change is how you approach it and process it. Do small things, e.g choose to only watch the news once a day.

as to your relationships, it does sound like you are being ground down - here’s a good link if you haven’t already read it. https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/being-taken-granted

youve got great support here - the whole of mumsnet - keep talking to us

do you want to start by telling us one thing you want to be different by this time next week?

I want to stop worrying about everyone else. I'm the one who arranges everything. I know its my fault. I'm anxious the whole time. I'm probably a control freak (hypocritical as well, see Girlfriends behaviour comment).

I'm a mess

Ok, you know what you want. You want to stop worrying about everyone.

tell me, what have you already tried?

Firstly, thank you for talking to me.

I've tried to control my anxiety. Meds, CBT, meditation......I've tried to stop worrying about everyone. I don't want them to get hurt.

Ok, two questions:

1 - so meds, cbt and medication are the things you’re trying for your anxiety? On a scale of 1 to 10 - where is your anxiety now?

2- you say you worry about your family because you don’t want them to get hurt. Can you tell me more about that? Can you describe what you mean by hurt?

8

I don't want them to feel what I have felt all my life. Unhappiness, stress and worry.

You’re doing so well Lottery - I know it must be hard answering all these questions without hearing the voice and seeing the face.

I need to pause here, I promise I will be back in the morning.

for now, think about me popping round for a cup of tea tomorrow and telling you that I am worried about my family because I don’t want them to feel the same unhappiness, stress and worry that I have felt in my life. Think about what you would say to me.

Find a notebook and write just one thing you are grateful for.

and finally, do something nice for yourself before your day ends

Also, just wanted to share these TED Talks if you haven’t already seen them

athingnamed.com/best-ted-talks-on-anxiety-stress-and-fear/

Are you menopausal- HRT patches may lift your mood

Try to stop the self pity and find something you enjoy doing.. there's loads out there

I've found when I put anything other than God (the Creator) first it leads me to bitter unhappiness.
I've found this to be true - again and again, to the point that, when I don't live this way, I'm like a fool returning to her folly: 'seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.' Matt 6:33.

Not helpful in the slightest. Your the type to tell a depressed person to pull themselves together

Bugger off. I'm an atheist. Religious twaddle is what is destroying the world.

Thanks again. You sound like you know what you are talking about

Things to try

1. Dopamine dressing. Wear things that make you feel how you want to feel. Smart, cheery, bright etc

1. Prioritise the basics. Good sleep, stay hydrated, get some fresh air and exercise each day. It's amazing the difference these things can make.

1. Add something new in. A class or hobby maybe.

You say no-one is interested in who you really are but, kindly, it sounds like maybe you aren't putting a lot into yourself either perhaps? Take some of your focus away from your family and back to yourself. And if you feel you may be depressed, speak to your GP. Wishing you well x

Lol, the counting. Need coffee 🙈

You sound depressed OP can you see the gp? They may be able to help and support you.

One thing that strikes me is you list how others feel about you or how others make you feel and from my own experience having others responsible for your happiness is always risky. You need to find happiness in small things not related to other people. I started small and just realised I liked to get up early before everyone else and have 10 mins in the garden with a coffee (even in winter I just had a massive coat!) once I found it within myself to generate my own happiness in the most boring things I started to turn a corner.