Do you host play dates? If you don’t host play dates for your primary aged DC, why not?

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If you don’t host play dates for your over 5’s, why not?

DC aged 6.5 never gets invited to play dates.

When she started Reception she hit it off with X. I invited X for a couple of play dates but the favour was never returned. They are now Year 2.

DC is still friends with X, but as my DC has never been invited back to X’s for a play date, whenDC asks for a play date I suggest another friend and not X. I don’t want to be mean but don’t really see why I should provide childcare for X if the favour is never returned.

I threw DC a little Easter egg hunt & tea with a small group of friends. I made quite a lot of effort (not over the top or anything) and I hoped perhaps this would result in invitations back but still no one has invited DC to play at their house.

My house is quite small and cramped (it’s a lovely home just small) so play dates can feel a bit stressful with kids trashing the place but I want DC to have friends so I make the effort. Why doesn’t anyone else? Are play dates not the norm these days? We live in quite a middle class well to do area if that makes any difference.

DC is getting upset and emotional at me and saying she wants to go to friends’ houses to play and I have tried to explain the etiquette that she needs to be invited but she doesn’t understand.

DC is easy going, seems popular enough at school and from what I have seen at birthday parties etc. Everyone is friendly enough to me at the school gate etc. So I can’t see any obvious reason for the lack of invites.

Most playdates around my area are after school. My work hours are very rigid. I'm unable to reciprocate on weekdays as I'm at work during pickup.

I offer playdates at weekends or during school holidays but most people are busy with family time/holiday clubs.

I'm very useful to know in the summer holidays though...

Yeah we do most of the hosting too. Try not to get bitter about it! Hard though. The way I see it, we facilitate the kids’ social lives at this age, and it’s either have play dates at ours or not at all, it seems. (They have about 3 friends who reciprocate but I’m far more on it than them, and the rest don’t invite back).
Tbh I don’t want the kids going to houses with dogs (weird foible I know), and it means I don’t have to go anywhere so that’s ok.
DS1 is 9 and just on the cusp of sorting things out for himself so it doesn’t last forever.

Mine are all in their twenties now but I used to love hosting play dates! I’ve got 4 children and would regularly have 8 or more sitting at the table for tea!

I think 6 may still be quite young. My youngest is 6 and has only ever had a playdate at one friend’s house (his mum only has him for school holidays and frankly struggles so has him over so her ds is entertained). I’ve never invited anyone here for a playdate. Ds has never been invited to another friends house after school for a playdate.

They are still kinda young and definitely in my 6 year olds class everyone still comes to all birthday parties, doesn’t drop and run. A playdate would imply an invitation to the parent as well and frankly I don’t want a parent at my house after school when I’ve got a million things to do and don’t really want to talk to anyone!

Realistically though, lots of us work around the school run so usually Dh or I or both of us are working after school or we have activities to go to, so it’s disruptive having small children around to supervise. It’s different when they are 8+ but the little ones need supervision. There is also a mountain of homework to do every day, which is also a challenge.

It’s just not possible to do if you are working or busy with other things. If you want to facilitate those friendships though, just invite them over. It doesn’t have to be a tit for tat.

People just don’t seem to do them very much here? DD is also year 2 and has only been to a couple of friends houses, I’ve invited a few but it’s never reciprocated and I feel a bit awkward if I’m the only one doing it? I’d be more than happy for her have a friend over every week tbh. Maybe when she’s a bit older it’ll take off a bit.

If I host a play date I don’t see it as providing childcare for another family and I don’t then think they owe me a play date back. I’m inviting the other child because my own child wants them round, they don’t owe me anything!

I don’t host many during term time tbh because I have 4 children and between them we have stuff on every night.

I agree it feels like people don’t do this that much anymore. People suggest meeting at a park, and mine go to lots of parties but very few play dates. I’m with you in that I’ll do one or two but I’m not going to keep offering if things aren’t reciprocated. I find it weird that here people will have extra “parties” at home, just because, in the holidays so that’s kind of like a play date but with 7 kids instead of just one. That feels weird as it’s even more work- like arranging two birthday parties in one year! I do agree people seem to have lots of activities after school so that could be why.

I work full time and my DC between them have clubs nearly every night. Play dates are more of a school holiday thing for us. I probably allow one in a half term, one at Easter, none at Christmas and 2-3 in the summer holidays. I'm more likely to invite children who can behave whilst I get on with work, who are not going to bring unrestricted devices with them (my DC are older).

I don't do them because of my work and my dc has to go to wraparound childcare after school.

I don't much because of long work hours and honestly I don't want the hassle of hosting. I have taken kids out mainly if my kids asked for a play date. My kids have friends on the street so they play out now and sometimes the kids come into play which I don't mind as it's not for long and I don't need to do any kind of hosting.

Dd7 has play dates. We have friends over and she goes to theirs

Not sure why you aren't getting them back

May be as they work. Suggest one at the weekend. I find that's better.

They are tired after school plus we have a fair amount of homework now plus 2 clubs a week

Had a school friend round yesterday for a few hours

My house has been in constant state of renovation for the last year so I don't host play dates really

I always did when mine were at primary. It was easier to have 2 extra children as they played together.....and then the other mum would reciprocate the following week.
I usually had at least 1 "playdate" a week though we just called it having a friend for tea

Is your DD an only child, OP?

Rightly or wrongly, I accepted more play dates for one of my DC than I was able to reciprocate because their DC was an only and they were more motivated to host to get company for them. I did reciprocate- and indeed there were other kids I hosted many times without my DC ever being asked back.

Some families cannot or do not want to have extra kids in their houses. I know it feels tricky but if you want your DD to socialise, try to be happy to be the host.

I am a bit further on, youngest is ten. I simply hadn't personal capacity, nor honestly wanted extra work.

I was newly divorced when my children were at that stage, had a full time job, carer responsibilities and trying to keep up with qualifications and my own friendship group in the tiny amount of time outside of that.

The children saw their friends at school, clubs, the pretty much weekly birthday parties. Now they are older and independent they invite friends over regularly.

PPS. Weekends were a non runner as between them seeing their father, family and their activities, time was very limited and I wanted a few hours a week where we weren't running around.

Some people in life are givers / organisers / facilitators. Many are not. Like you am in the former camp - yes it gets wearing but means you and your dc have a better life generally.

I try. However dh works from home 3 days week so those days are out unless we have specific plans as he has lots of meetings and 1 day a week, dc2 only has a tiny gap to her after school activity.

If she is invited to a playdate, I will invite the child back though.

I could have wrote the exact same when my ds was younger. I had kids around, I was the go to when parents were running late to pick their kids up from school because we lived the closest to the school and I was a sahm. Basically I was taken advantage of.
My ds is in secondary now and none of the parents from primary have spoken to me in years. Ds sorts his own arrangements and has done from around 9.
We would get the promise of ds should go to X house for a play date or they will pick him up after school. It NEVER happened.
Over time I just stopped the play dates in my house and if parents suggested a playdate I would say yeah X is available on "date" that would be great I can go get my nails done. The date came and went no word from the parent.
If I was asked to pick up from school I would just say "sorry, we have a playdate arranged with kids from a club, Im rushing home to change and I'll be gone as quick". They soon stopped asking.
I find slot of parents just want to get rid of their kid for a few hours and it doesn't really matter who they go to.

I used to but favour was never returned. So i stopped

I did most of the hosting for mine. I had a 7 seater car, plenty of outside space, a friendly dog, sociable children and I don't mind mess. Also, I worked very flexibly and I felt hosting play dates was a way I could help women who had more stressful, busy lives than I did. I never minded whether anyone reciprocated-I'm not a talk keeper.

*talk should read tally!

Some people just have very busy lives, some are ashamed of their homes, and some have 3 or 4 kids so if they say yes to one of their kids having a playdate, they'll then have to do the same for their other kids.

'Providing childcare' is a very odd way of looking at it though.

You're providing your child with a playdate, it's nothing to do with childcare.

A play date isn't childcare for another family. I hosted loads and they weren't always returned. I didn't care. My DD is an only child and I saw having a friend over as good girl her.

I didn’t up until this last year…why?, because my head was messed up and I was ashamed/embarrassed of where we lived. I have since separated and I now rent my own house with a garden and plenty of room so I will have play dates practically every weekend I have my dc…and it is reciprocated too.