Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Do you host play dates? If you don’t host play dates for your primary aged DC, why not?

80 replies

BoxOfCards · 29/09/2024 18:37

If you don’t host play dates for your over 5’s, why not?

DC aged 6.5 never gets invited to play dates.

When she started Reception she hit it off with X. I invited X for a couple of play dates but the favour was never returned. They are now Year 2.

DC is still friends with X, but as my DC has never been invited back to X’s for a play date, whenDC asks for a play date I suggest another friend and not X. I don’t want to be mean but don’t really see why I should provide childcare for X if the favour is never returned.

I threw DC a little Easter egg hunt & tea with a small group of friends. I made quite a lot of effort (not over the top or anything) and I hoped perhaps this would result in invitations back but still no one has invited DC to play at their house.

My house is quite small and cramped (it’s a lovely home just small) so play dates can feel a bit stressful with kids trashing the place but I want DC to have friends so I make the effort. Why doesn’t anyone else? Are play dates not the norm these days? We live in quite a middle class well to do area if that makes any difference.

DC is getting upset and emotional at me and saying she wants to go to friends’ houses to play and I have tried to explain the etiquette that she needs to be invited but she doesn’t understand.

DC is easy going, seems popular enough at school and from what I have seen at birthday parties etc. Everyone is friendly enough to me at the school gate etc. So I can’t see any obvious reason for the lack of invites.

OP posts:
IntheVicinity · 29/09/2024 20:20

Mishmag · 29/09/2024 18:55

If I host a play date I don’t see it as providing childcare for another family and I don’t then think they owe me a play date back. I’m inviting the other child because my own child wants them round, they don’t owe me anything!

I don’t host many during term time tbh because I have 4 children and between them we have stuff on every night.

This. If DS wanted to have someone over and I could manage it around work, I just had the kid over. I couldn’t tell you who reciprocated and who didn’t, tbh. I didn’t keep count. I suspect we hosted far more, as many of his friends had siblings and parents were juggling them, work, activities etc. Tbh, that tit for tat mentality I come across on Mn is kind of alien, the ‘I always initiate contact’ or ‘I’m always the one who suggests the restaurant’ thing. It’s a bit juvenile.

Carrotstick123 · 29/09/2024 20:23

We both work full time, so for after school playdates means I have to finish work early, which I'm not able to do. We tend to have play dates on the weekend after clubs / matches but again not often as everyone tends to be busy. My kids have mainly been invited to playdates where the parents don't work full time / on maternity leave. My eldest nearly 11, tends to have more sleepovers now as they're easier to fit in.

familyissues12345 · 29/09/2024 20:23

I was always a hoster, occasionally it was reciprocated, but often not. It didn't bother me, I offered as I didn't work and both DS's enjoyed it.

One mum always said she couldn't have play dates due to work, but ultimately as the years have passed she's admitted (we're great friends) that she just can't be bothered. Her son is her youngest and she's been there done that with the older ones. I don't really blame her and don't care. Even now, children are now mid teens and we still do more of the running around (I'm probably a bit of a mug for that!)

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds Families Primary education
pelesa · 29/09/2024 20:23

I don't host play dates. DD is 6. Part of the reason is that getting our house visitor-ready is hard work (I have a 2yo too). But also we are busy as a family. DD does an activity 6 days a week, we like spending weekends as a family doing lots of different family-focused activities which usually need advance booking/payment, and we are busy with holiday camps and holidays during school holidays.

I also don't particularly want the responsibility of looking after another child either. I know where my boundaries are with my dc, I think some other parents might not approve but that's fine when I'm looking after my own kids, not theirs.

Skybluepinky · 29/09/2024 20:24

To other parents it looks like yr child is needy and can’t make their own friends do u r doing it for them, and the last thing they want is their child being involved.

LeaveTheFlerken · 29/09/2024 20:24

Typo...good for her...

Clumsy12345 · 29/09/2024 20:25

Because I don’t want to and I know this might be weird but because DD hasn’t been invited to any either if she had I would probably do it but she hasn’t been invited to any

imnotthatkindofmum · 29/09/2024 20:26

I work. After school play dates are a no and weekends are for hobbies and family.

When they were younger I worked part time and often had kids round after school and they were invited back but I never stopped inviting people if they didn't get an invite back. Because it's about my kids seeing their friends, not tit for tat hosting.

I'd be so upset if my girl was never invited back because I was unable to facilitate a play date!

soundsys · 29/09/2024 20:27

I do more now my kids are a little older (9 and 7) because they can entertain themselves with their friends 😁

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/09/2024 20:27

We’re not there yet but I doubt we’ll do play dates during the week at least because of work.

LunaLibrarian · 29/09/2024 20:30

I find it difficult to read between the lines of what people say vs what they mean. I have made the effort a few times and people seem enthusiastic but then nothing happens. I don’t know if it’s me or if they are being disorganised but I don’t bother anymore.

Sometimeswinning · 29/09/2024 20:31

Skybluepinky · 29/09/2024 20:24

To other parents it looks like yr child is needy and can’t make their own friends do u r doing it for them, and the last thing they want is their child being involved.

No it doesn’t. Stop making stuff up.

I just assume someone has more time or less children than me. I return play dates in the holidays. I have a ton of spare time then.

liveforsummer · 29/09/2024 20:31

I used to all the time for dd1 when i worked part time during school hours only l. Often not retuned but it never bothered me. now as a single parent I work much longer hours , I don't have the time, I'm exhausted, a bit embarrassed about my house. Dd2 hasn't had anyone over for years and I get why dd1's were rarely returned

Mill3nnial · 29/09/2024 20:31

I agree with PP that a play date isn't intended to be childcare but you are obviously not unreasonable to not want to invite children over if you find it hard work or want them to reciprocate.

I don't agree you should invite people over with the aim of reciprocation.

Vettrianofan · 29/09/2024 20:32

Play dates are purely for school holidays IMO. I just don't do them very often because I have 4 DC to organise daily and they all have different activities after school, or need help with homework. I serve dinner at different times after school depending on the timing of activities.

Most others are similar tbh. There just isn't the time. I am a SAHM but know other parents who work full time and cannot just drop everything to arrange play dates either.

LittleMy77 · 29/09/2024 20:32

We have the same. DS is an only so I try and facilitate having kids over / meeting out where possible. They’re all v happy to come over or meet but we never get a return invite. I have no issue if it’s not at a house but surely you’d offer to meet at the park or something?!

WYorkshireRose · 29/09/2024 20:33

If you don’t host play dates for your over 5’s, why not?

I don't like other people's children.

WellyBellyBoo · 29/09/2024 20:35

A combination of working so not being free after school and evening activities for the kids and me and DH left very little opportunity for us to host. After school is great if you don't work or your job means you can do school pick up. I only did one day a week picking up so doing a playdate then meant I lost my only afternoon with DD after school just chilling out and doing stuff together. We did host occasionally to return the favour but not on a regular basis.

NerrSnerr · 29/09/2024 20:38

We have a bit of a routine between my children and their friends. I host most of the after school play dates as we don't have anyone WFH in our house, another family does mostly weekends and another mostly in the holidays.

Wantitalltogoaway · 29/09/2024 20:40

People have all sorts of reasons why they might not host a play date. Work, siblings, renovations or they just really hate them. I think that’s ok. Perhaps suggest you meet up on the weekend at a park together so no one has to host?

I don’t think kids really need play dates on weekdays anyway. When we were kids no one ever had play dates after school. If kids wanted to see each other, they played out in the street or down the park for a bit.

DutchCowgirl · 29/09/2024 20:40

I work 4 days and DH works 4 days, so our 2 parttime days always were the days for playdates. Most parents at our school have parttime days, so playdates are standard, but mostly on fridays and wednesdays.
DH wfh most of the time, but he has his own office so he isn’t hindered by any playdates.

Wantitalltogoaway · 29/09/2024 20:41

WYorkshireRose · 29/09/2024 20:33

If you don’t host play dates for your over 5’s, why not?

I don't like other people's children.

This!

readingmakesmehappy · 29/09/2024 20:43

Can't do after school because have to collect DC2 from nursery at a different place later.
Sort of dread it at weekends because that's half a day gone and it limits what you can do in family time. But we do host about once a month

readysteadynono · 29/09/2024 20:46

I’m working from home after school (with my employer’s permission). You wouldn’t know that as I don’t wear a suit or uniform to work. So I probably look like an unfriendly stay at home mum as I dash off and don’t stop to chat! If you see me or one of the many women like me, don’t assume we don’t want to be friends. We’re just barely juggling work/parenting/life to keep a roof over our heads.

Puttheneedleontherackets · 29/09/2024 20:48

I feel very grateful as Dd, 6, has two of her favourite friends on the street. She literally goes to our gate and calls to see if they can come and play and they do similar for her to go over. We know the families very well and it’s much easier as much as I like the parents, I sometimes just want to chill at weekends & after school and don’t have to have them in the house or make awkward chat. Dd is an only child, so it occupies her and makes her happy. Today, for example, they both came over to us for three hours and then they all went to one of the other ones for two hours. I usually just make sure I’ve got snacks & drinks in, occasionally plan craft or pizza making, but generally they just like to play on the trampoline etc.
I do events like Halloween, Christmas. Easter more with my set of mum friends, she’s friends with their kids, but they’re all in different schools