How can I discourage DD10 from identifying as a cat

[Nocatsplease]

NC for this in case I get jumped on.

DD has just started year 6, and during the summer holidays she started pretending to be a cat. I'm going through a divorce at the moment, so at first I thought it was a bit of a childish regression as a response to all the changes, and just assumed it would fizzle out once she went back to school.

Unfortunately, she seems to have gone in the other direction with it, and is now saying she 'identifies' as a cat and spent some of her birthday money on a couple of masks and tails. Her dad and I have tried to mostly ignore and gently discourage it, but we've since become aware of the more sinister 'furry' connotations of this kind of thing. We're also both pretty GC, so we're definitely not happy about her 'identifying' as anything and want to put a stop to it. I've always had very frank conversations with her about how people may identify as different things, but it's not possible to change biology.

However, we have no idea how to explain it to her in terms she'll understand, and meanwhile she seems to be wanting to take it further and further. I'm also worried that if we give her a hard no, we'll end up pushing her even further in the other direction. I've already told her she's not allowed to dress up at school, and today while we were out another parent questioned her 'tail', which led to a conversation in which she told me that grown adults have called her 'furry' and growled at her in public.

That crosses a very clear line for me, so I ended up telling her that she's not to dress up in public any more because it's not appropriate for her age. The problem is she has NO IDEA of the more sinister connotations of what she's doing, so she doesn't understand what that means. She's currently in her room crying and saying she hates me and that I must be embarrassed and disappointed in her.

How can I explain it to her in a way she'll get and without having to bring sex into it?!

Is getting her a cat an option?

I definitely would not talk about sexual implications, or what “some adults” might think. Don’t sexualise her behaviour. She’s a kid, and you need to think about this from a ten years old perspective.

See what a bit of “cats don’t ….” to favourite activities gets you, or identify as a mouse and run away from her, then switch and be the cat yourself.

Christ, I'm praying all this shit blows over before my 4 year old (who ironically is currently pretending to be a cat a lot of time, it was a dog last week) gets into late primary/secondary.

I think I would take away all cat paraphernalia and internet access, give her a dumb phone etc.

No more YouTube and being a cat, I would tell her that when she is an adult at 18 she can do what she likes but until then she is a human and she can act like one.

I appreciate I only have the sass of an almost 5 year old to contend with and it'll be trickier when they are older but you really do need to nip this in the bud now and you are not being unreasonable to do so at all. You don't need to pander to this shit, nor the high school or anyone else for that matter!

Every cat I have ever seen shitting turns around and gets their nose right onto the shit for a good sniff before burying… that should put her off.

Warn her that people who identify as dogs may believe her and come after her.

Reading this thread, people's outrageous opinions on how to deal with a child that thinks she's a cat cements the idea that we are in fact at the end of humanity.

We have become so comfortable as a race, we are now tearing it all to shreds.

If Putin set off the nukes, he'd probably be doing us a favour.

My initial reaction would be to tell her to stop being so ridiculous and I wouldnt have let her buy the cat and tail but that ship has sailed.

So, I think I would go with if you want to act like a preschooler in fancy dress I’ll treat you like one…early bed time, no access to YouTube/SM, no grown up things like girly shopping trips, movie nights, skincare (whatever shes into) and try knock it out of her that way!

Complete screen ban while she does this. Explain in clear and age appropriate terms about the abusive adults who encourage Thais/prey on these kids, which is why she is being protected online.

Offer to get her some help.

establish some boundaries about what she can do and you will support.

if I had a dd of that age doing this I would offer to get her a real cat instead (animal friendly home).

Are there special cats tails and ears shops? It beyond odd.

Just tell her it’s a sex thing. I was told the same thing around her age when I wanted to decorate my bedroom with playboy bunnies! I didn’t appreciate the full context obviously but enough to know I didn’t want to be involved.

There's been some good advice here, thank you. I feel better equipped to have a conversation with her about it this evening.

I fully hold my hands up that I should have addressed this sooner and wish I had done. Hopefully it can be nipped in the bud now.

We already have two cats and she already does after school activities, but I like the idea of volunteering or raising money for a cat charity as a way to channel her interests in a better direction.

Just reiterate she's not a cat but a human girl. She can dress up at home but not outside.

Agree get her into some sport clubs, she needs to be busy. Avoid drama clubs. Go for walks, plan holidays anything.

You aren't her mate but her mum so it's your job not to let her think she's a cat.

Agree. If there are stresses she is coping with, throwing her cat stuff in the bin and taking a hard line would be callous.
Never mind what people here say they would do, she's not their daughter.

Start feeding her cat food!

There are children at her school who identify as trans

How ? At 10?

And a litter tray that she has to empty.

Yes, to the sex talk. But also, you need to start eliminating the identifying as language.

I’d say something like, ‘In our heads we can imagine all sorts of things and some of them feel really nice and fun. But you can’t imagine yourself out of your body. Your body is always going to be a human girl, which means that you are always going to be a human girl, even when that feels weird. In the next few years your body is going to feel all kinds of weird. But you’ll still be you, in your mind and your body. Imagining isn’t ever going to change that, even if sometimes you wish it did,’

Read Abigail Shriver’s book. Shriver suggests getting girls off social media, get them in the real world doing real things with family or ideally non indoctrinated friends. Encourage real friendships and be cautious of online ones. A lot of girls who are susceptible to this type of ideology apparently spend A LOT of time with their parents but specifically their mothers. Encourage independence but maintain lines of communication.

(we had a cousin wanting to chop her breasts off due to so called dysphoria).

There was a five year old boy who was a transgirl in my kids' school. completely supported by the school at the time (this would have been about 10 years ago)

Why are you being gentle? Tell her she isn't a cat and if she acts like that again she will be punished. Throw the masks and tail in the bin and follow through. If she does it again she gets 100 lines of "I am not a cat". If she does it again. She gets to clean the bathroom on the weekend. Again - no tv. And so on. You are the adult just stop accepting it.

I know.

Hate to sound simplistic but if I were you, every time she says she is a cat, I'd say no, you're a girl, you can't be a cat.

And leave it at that.

I hope the suggestions given enable you to speak with your DD and end all this. I wish you all the best in doing so OP.

Well you sound balanced.

Absolutely do not listen to posters saying to tell her it’s a sex thing!!!!

Why on earth does the OP have to introduce the world of kink to a young child in order for her to stop acting like a cat!!!

At most you say some weird adults act like this, so it’s a no. But just NO on its own will suffice! Why? Because you’re the parent. You don’t actually need to give an explanation.