Would you have a child by yourself if you had a lot of money?

[lounellie]

As I approach my mid/late 30s, I am starting to ask myself what I really want regarding motherhood.

I think the chances of finding a man who is suitable to be a good life partner and father in the next few years are slim, so among other options I am asking myself if solo motherhood might be an option for me.

I have a very stable good job that pays very well and is quite flexible, so I have lots of disposable income. I live abroad so no family around to help unfortunately, but lots of lovely friends.

In these circumstances, would you have a baby by yourself?

Thanks for your thoughts!

Yes I would, but I have always wanted children. If I wasn’t too fussed about having children then I wouldn’t.

I would have, but not having a crystal ball would not have known that I was going to become seriously ill at 40. My daughter, now in her mid thirties would absolutely not become a single parent at her age having seen the struggles that I went through to raise her. And that's a shame as I think it means I will never get to become a grandparent.

No pressure to reply if it’s too personal but was the father of your children not aware of their existence, or did he not want to be bothered?

No whole heartedly no

DC suffered immeasurably for unexpectedly not having a decent father in their lives.

I wouldn't in a million years chose to put a child in that position.

And yes raising a child with SN without someone who is wholeheartedly in that boat with you is unbelievably hard.

No there us no guarantee when you do it all right you won't end up on your own anyway, but not in a million years would I chose that situation

Yes, I absolutely would.

No, because I don’t really agree with deliberately creating a child to be separated from one of its parents. If it happens that parents split up after a child is conceived then that can’t be helped, but doing it deliberately is something else.

There are online communities of adult donor conceived people who discuss the many problems and psychological difficulties they have as a result of being cut off from their fathers.

Aside from that, consider that you’d be giving your child half the DNA of a total stranger who you really don’t know at all. Limited biographical data can’t really tell you what this man is like as a person and you have no means of vetting him personally. Your child will inherit many traits from him and beyond that may want to meet and have a relationship with his father later in life, discovering half siblings and other relatives. You say it’s difficult to find a good man - well you’d be inviting an absolute stranger and his wider family into your life!

I’d continue to look hard for a suitable man in real life for building a family.

I don’t know. There are lots of ways of becoming a single parent but I don’t know if I’d have chosen it on purpose. I am a big believer in a child have 2 parents in an ideal world and an absent parent ( for whatever reasons) is likely to lead to emotional baggage at some point down the line.
I have my children and a lovely DH so it’s hard to say. I’ve been lucky to not have the yearning for a child that has not been fulfilled. It can be a great motivation so maybe I would have done if circumstances had been different.

No, I wouldn't. I found parenthood tough with a supportive partner and the thought of doing it again on my own is not appealing.

All a baby needs is love. If you can give a baby lots of love then I don't see why you shouldn't go for it. I see a few comments about intentionally denying a child a father, so many ended up being absent anyway. I speak from experience in that it is much easier raising a child alone and happy than stuck in some miserable relationship

That's claptrap nonsense. It takes more than love to raise a child.

It may be easier for you to have been a single parent and maybe for your child it was the lesser of two evils but having an absent parent is a whole different issue for the child in the relationship. Not one to be dismissed or ignored. It is not necessarily something that should be deliberately chosen.

Yes

@Beezknees wholly disagree. If you can give a child love the other things fall under, safety, comfort, nourishment.

Nope! Now cats.....

My mum loved me but I still had a very shitty childhood. Love does not conquer all.

No they don’t, children in care are very much loved by their parents, their parents are still unable to meet their needs.

Yes

Knowing what I know now, as a parent, and a woman who's been married and seen friends-and-mothers go through divorce and try to date: no, I wouldn't if my biological clock isn't deafening. I say that knowing that motherhood is the best thing that's happened to me, and I would wish it for any woman who wants it.

I would be concerned that the existence of the child would narrow down even further the chances of finding a life partner.

I would be concerned, for myself and my child, about blending a family with a man who is already a father.

I would be concerned for my child about having another child (or more).

I would be very concerned about a next of kin for my child if anything happened to me.

I would be concerned about doing it alone far from any support, alone.

Of course, you can do it and it could all be ok. But you're ambivalent. So I'd say no. It can be much, much harder than it seems. Having money is only part of the solution.

Yes I would.

No, I wouldn't deliberately create a child to be in a fatherless situation.
But I would adopt / foster, and yes I know they always/often carry trauma from their pre adoption start in life.

Yes. I ended up a single parent anyway which was traumatic for the kids as well as me and quite honestly I could do without having to deal with the ex being difficult to try to retain some power. I’d probably stick at one though.

Yes of course! If I wanted children obviously.
I have 3 children by my husband and it was more something that I came to want when I was with him rather than ever having had a desire to have children in itself iyswim.
But if it was something I had strongly wanted when I was single and I just hadn't met anyone.. if I had the finances to properly care for a child in the way I would want to.. then yes I'd 100% go it alone.
I do not think children 'need' two parents. What they need is care givers of any number or type who actually want to be parents and will try their best to be good care givers. And obviously if you have finances sorted and a stable job and home that is a brilliant bonus too.
That child will have far more going for it than many children who have two parents.
A loving stable caregiver who really wanted to have it, a secure home.
I think go for it.

Well yes I would, I raised my dd on my own and I was skint so raising a child on your own with money would be fine.

I do think the lack of family support might be hard though, I ended up moving to be closer to my mum and wider family.

Being a single parent is fine until one of you is ill or injured, then having family about is very useful.

I would.

So many mums end up separated/ divorced from their child's father. Some exes are hands-on and helpful but plenty are not.

Plenty of money is helpful in that you can buy in outside help but what is invaluable is support that is given freely and with love. If local friends are genuine about signing up to be surrogate aunties then I would go for it, OP.

I know that lots of fathers end up absent anyway, and you deal with situations if they arise, but I can't get my head around creating that situation deliberately.
Even though I accept there are likely children out there whose mother's have done that and it's been fine...
I do know one woman who did it and the child was pretty screwed up by it so maybe that's colouring my view.