Would you have a child by yourself if you had a lot of money?

[lounellie]

As I approach my mid/late 30s, I am starting to ask myself what I really want regarding motherhood.

I think the chances of finding a man who is suitable to be a good life partner and father in the next few years are slim, so among other options I am asking myself if solo motherhood might be an option for me.

I have a very stable good job that pays very well and is quite flexible, so I have lots of disposable income. I live abroad so no family around to help unfortunately, but lots of lovely friends.

In these circumstances, would you have a baby by yourself?

Thanks for your thoughts!

If I hadn't had children, yes I suspect I probably would.

From knowing what I know now I actually have them - absolutely not. I'm finding it really, really hard even as part of a couple

@Eyerollexpert respect to you. You should be very proud.
Many years ago, someone I knew had a child with a gay friend because they both wanted a child. At that point, I was young, married and judgmental and thought that was selfish. Life proved me wrong. Their child had a much more secure life than my own children did. My marriage went catastrophically wrong and I raised my children on my own. As previous posters have said, that wasn’t ideal but my children are amazing and my greatest joy.
OP, you sound as though you are thinking this through. No one knows how life will turn out and sometimes things change dramatically in what appears the perfect set up.
I wish you the very best in whatever you decide.

I don't have a lot of money. I'm 34 and currently 37/40 with a planned single pregnancy using donor sperm and IVF.
The single mothers by choice I know are a lot happier than those who rushed relationships because they could hear the biological clock ticking. Or those who were in long term happy relationships which went wrong. I know what I'm getting into and have planned for it.

Having a child at all is extremely selfish anyway. It's bad for the planet and you're creating a child who will inevitably face pain and misery at some point in their life.

Why do you think some people have the right to be selfish and some don't?

Completely agree *LostittoBostik *having children is inherently selfish regardless of how many parents are involved.

OP, it sounds like you’re financially secure and have a great network of friends which is a really positive starting point. You’re going in with your eyes wide open to being a lone parent, lots of people find themselves in the exact same position unexpectedly when a relationship breaks down. At least you know exactly what you’re getting yourself in to.

You seem in a good position but I’d suggest considering a few things like what’s the childcare provision like in the country where you live? Do any of your friends have children? Would there be a circle of support there? Sometimes once you’ve had children you instinctively want to be closer to your own family, would that be an option to move back to the UK? Do you have friends here and could you work here if you wanted to do that?

negomi90 I wish you all the best going forward, you are inspirational ❤️

If I could have when was younger definitely.

@negomi90 I agree with @Eyerollexpert your baby is very lucky to have such an amazing mum!

No, I wouldn’t. I’ve been parenting on my own for the last 8 years (I was widowed when mine were 7 and 5). If I just had my youngest things would’ve been going fine, but eldest has SN and life is exhausting. If you could guarantee you’d get an easy child, maybe, but obviously that’s not possible.

People posting here seem to be thinking about the parent not the child, just practical not emotional considerations. As a child of a single parent family, please just don’t.

When you have money it's so much easier to buy yourself time by outsourcing everything that doesn't need to be done by you in the home, so I'd say go for it!

I would. Lots of children end up in single parent families with an absent parent. Also many children grow up with 2 crap parents. A child born to a parent who loves, wants and plans for them, is blessed.

For me I never wanted to do it alone. I wanted to replicate some of what I had and discard other parts. Life had other plans and I had an illness in my mid 30s. After that we had the pandemic and I then realised that its not so much I am too old (although decreases the likelihood) but that I no longer think I can give every waking second to a child. 100% I could have in my late 20s but wasn't with the right man.

This is a great article I found:

https://www.vox.com/first-person/22370250/should-i-have-kids-a-baby-decide-start-family-parenthood-kids-childfree

Definitely. I am 37 and have been researching various clinics over the last few months with a view to getting treatment in December. Feel free to DM me if you would like to chat more. You're question is basically what I asked myself from age 32-35 and I wish I had acted sooner.

No I wouldn’t personally because I found the first year very tough with a partner and family support. I wouldn’t actively choose to do that by myself.

Personally I always wanted children I met my dh when I was 31 and we married very quickly and by 36 we had two children
It's a complex question had i got to mid 30,s with no partner yes I might have contemplated the prospects of going it alone
I think you have to ask yourself is being a parent more important to you than not being a parent if yes I would explore all possibilities .

Yes I would

Yes 100%

I would never ever get married too

If I had a wider family then maybe.

As it stands I’m an only child and my parents died years ago and I don’t think it would be fair to have a child with no dad and no grandparents aunts uncles or cousins either.

One of my mums friends had a donor conceived child in a similar situation, she’s an adult now but she is autistic and can’t live independently. God only knows who will look after her when her mum dies.

If I had support system around me and enough money to work part time and still have a nice lifestyle.

I am also a child of a single parent family and it wasn’t negative for me at all.

Yes I did. I had enough money to be able to spend a long time at home. I would not of done it otherwise

Yes.