Daughter going on holiday with bf's family

[Gratefulforadvice]

DD is 15 and she's been invited to a week's holiday during half term by her BF and family. They say they are more than happy to cover the costs but we would be paying if we let her go.

Question is - would you allow your 15 year old to go on holiday with their partner? If yes what would the sleeping arrangements be like? Are you quite open to your kids about relationships?

Any advice very grateful. We've never had this experience and she is an only child (not that it makes any difference). What would you do?

Yes I would allow it, in another 6 months she could legally move and go to live on her own if she so pleased. I went abroad with a bf at 16 (20 years ago seemed alot less of a big deal then) just the two of us. If you trust the family I'd suggest getting to know then better & having full info on all arrangements. As pp have pointed out if she wants to have sex she will do, a frank conversation about birth control and consent is much more sensible than hoping it won't happen! I would much rather say yes than create resentment for something she could go and do in 6 mo the time if she wanted to on her own. Sometimes removing the mystery from a situation is the best thing you can do Nd you can put sensible boundaries in place

No. I think once in sixth form, possibly, but not earlier than that.

Teens being in same bedrooms doesn't equal sex. Teens wanting to have sex means they will have sex. Have the adult discussion with your daughter about pill, remind her about consequences and just be genuine. I have 3 girls all went on the pill, at ages 13 to 16. 2 did for hormonal issues and the one who went on at 16 did because she wanted to start having sex with bf and wanted to act responsibly with my approval. It's far better fromm experience that you can openly discuss sex with your teen, possibly delay it, than try to stop it happening.

Your situation as a parent of a girl is very different to theirs as parents of a boy. If anyone gets pregnant it won't be their son. If anyone needs an abortion and all that that brings then it won't be their son. If anyone has a baby at 16 and can't ever walk away from the responsibility, it won't be their son. The consequences of a 5 minute fumble are always going to be far, far worse for your daughter than for their son. They might get away with it but there are frequent threads on here by mothers saying " DD is pregnant and 16. Help". Fifteen is far too young.

I’d be playing along line of

1. we don’t know parents well enough to allow you to go abroad with them. We’d want to have met them a few times and know them and them know us. They’ll be responsible for you while you were away if there was emergency. We’re not ready to committ to them doing that yet. There’s a chance you’ll be driven by them, taken places by them…we have to be very sure we trust them. We can’t just jump in a car to fetch you if things go wrong
2. we do not feel comfortable with them paying. You’ve only know him for 6 months and Italy is not cheap. We’d expect you to have your own room, and we certainly would have to pay for that if it’s not their intention - we can’t afford it without impacting family spending.
3. is different for parents of boys to make offers like this. Right now you’ve not initiated any conversation with me about contraception and safe sex practices wrt how you will protect yourself on holiday , even if at the moment you’re not sexually active. Holidaying can change that. youre 15 still, so we would be ones picking up pieces of pregnancy or STI. not his parents. When you’re up to discussing this with us, all the time you are below 16, then let’s review
4. travel insurance will also be a challenge. And will cost a lot as your under 16, let alone under 18 which is bad enough.
5. if you and he love each other and it’s a lasting relationship (which it probably won’t long term but don’t say this🤷🏼‍♀️), then they’ll be other years, other holidays . At 17 youll have more legal autonomy and we have less legal responsibility for you. That’s why law is what it is. It allows time for you to mature each year. Let’s see some evidence, for example, of you taking responsisiblty for yourself such as (and then give examples about her travelling on her own for school/social, taking care of her clothes (washing) etc etc

but don’t say “we don’t know him and don’t want you to”. Sure fire way of setting off rebellion 🤦‍♀️🤣🤣🤣

This may be unpopular but here's it from a different angle. I have been in a very similar situation- I was the 15 year old going on holiday with their then boyfriend. A few years ago now, I am now in my 30's.
I went on holiday with my then boyfriend of the same age and his family. We stayed in a self catering cottage in the UK and had been together for around 18 months and both families knew eachother. Sleeping arrangements had always been policed by parents.
We were due to share a room on the holiday - twin room. In the lead up to the holiday my mum suggested I go to the dr to discuss starting the contraceptive pill. I found this embarrassing but did and started it. The holiday came and yes we ended up sleeping together for the first time. Do I regret it? Not at all. I would hear of friends re-calling their first experience and it would be at parties, drunk, outside, etc whereas mine was in a safe environment and not under the influence of anything. At the end of the day, at 15 they are more than likely already doing "stuff", so they are going to find a way whether you let them go on holiday together or not. Is 15 too young, legally yes but there's so much more to take into consideration.

I was allowed to go on holiday with my boyfriend and his parents at around that age. We were not allowed to sleep together and were in separate rooms. I think at age 15 I would probably let my child go, as long as I knew the parents well and trusted them. And I would want to talk to them beforehand about expectations and rules. At 15 they shouldn’t be sleeping in the same room.

🤣

Again in uk
And had been together 18 months. Families knew each other.

In other words TRUST had been established
and if shit had hit fan, your parents could have made an emergency dash to fetch you, be with you in hospital etc etc.

this is different circumstances.

it was right timing for you. In the right place. Where obvious risks were mitigated.

if it was a 15 year old girlfriend I’d still have concnered taking off with parents I didn’t know, abroad. In the uk, far less so. If I knew parents for 18 months and they seemed fine, no worries at all.

Surely he's a bf. Not both...?

No

I think 15 is a bit too young. If they are together this time next year then I would probably be okay with that.

15? Jesus. No! I can't believe anyone would even consider it.

Yes I would allow it, in another 6 months she could legally move and go to live on her own if she so pleased. I went abroad with a bf at 16 (20 years ago seemed alot less of a big deal then) just the two of us.

That is a good point, I also went on holiday with my boyfriend, just us two, at 17. However I just feel like there’s a big difference between 15 and 16/17, even though technically it’s not a massive gap.

I went away with my boyfriend and his family when we had just turned 16. We slept in separate bedrooms but still managed to sneak off 😂 honestly that week is still such a fond memory and I’d have been gutted if my mum had said I couldn’t.

I wouldn't allow even if a platonic friend of if I knew the parents so little

I'd say wait until you're 16

Absolutely no way. Too much, too soon. What is the rush? And he’s definitely not her partner.

Nope, not a chance at 15

I say this from the kindest of places…. Please god give your head a wobble. Please don’t allow your 15 year old child to go Abroad with people you barely know. Please like asap (tomorrow) speak to your 15 year old child who has a bf that she needs to think about getting some contraception or buying a giant pack of condoms for her. Please also don’t worry about being polite and rejecting those lovely people’s offer to accommodate your daughter for the week. This lovely people won’t have to watch your child give birth if you do not do the above 👆 please don’t stop parenting when she is 15. Italy sounds lovely but maybe when they’ve been together a little while and you are confident the people you are sending your child off with are responsible and not in the honeymoon phase. Just like their son.

I’m going to say I would let my DD go. If I knew the parents & knew the sleeping arrangements & she had contraception. I’d they’re going to have sex, they’ll do it here or there anyway.

I went away with my first boyfriend’s family & was so scared to get caught that I stayed in my room (much to his annoyance)! But had a lovely time!

I would say no. I'm assuming from age, this is GCSE year. She needs to focus on them. After that, is another discussion

Please tell her about contraception options beyond the pill. Make sure she considers long acting reliable options like the implant, injection, or possibly an IUD (though getting a coil might be a bit scary for a 15 year old).
Also tell her about the vaginal ring (monthly) and patch (weekly). They're all great for teenagers who might forget to take their pill, and who won't want to get pregnant for years.

Discussing something doesn't mean you're suggesting it's a good idea. There is absolutely no evidence that sex education encourages young people to have sex earlier. In fact, sex education makes it more likely that first sex will happen later, when a young person feels ready.

No, 15 is too young.

She’s a child going into a situation where if she feels vulnerable or pressured into anything she doesn’t want to do, she can’t easily leave. It would be a no from me.