Daughter going on holiday with bf's family

[Gratefulforadvice]

DD is 15 and she's been invited to a week's holiday during half term by her BF and family. They say they are more than happy to cover the costs but we would be paying if we let her go.

Question is - would you allow your 15 year old to go on holiday with their partner? If yes what would the sleeping arrangements be like? Are you quite open to your kids about relationships?

Any advice very grateful. We've never had this experience and she is an only child (not that it makes any difference). What would you do?

Absolutely not. I wouldn’t even entertain discussing it

I would allow it - great opportunity to see another country etc.

The sex thing - you are not going to prevent her from having sex with him by banning this holiday - people have sex when they want to have sex - unless you watch her every hour of the live long day you can't stop it happening.

Much better to talk to her openly about it, in the hope she makes good decisions.

My daughter knows I would prefer her to wait till 16, but also that even if she doesn't I would prefer her to be open with me about it, and I will never fall out with her over her sexual choices.....

Please talk to her about contraception too, even tho you hope she won't need it yet. Knowledge is power..... You won't put the idea of sex in her head by mentioning it - she's 15, she knows about sex.

Looking at some of the other responses, this sounded so sensible that l thought l misread it!

This

I don’t think it’s at all sensible. I don’t think that going on holiday with a boyfriend at 15 regardless of how lovely he or his family are is a good message to give. Going on holiday with and staying over with boyfriends and girl friends and not for children and these are children

DDs BF came on holiday with us at that age. He shared a room with her little brother who was 11 at that point, they wouldn't have been sharing a room at that point.
It was discussed with his parents and they trusted us as we trusted tham whenever DD stayed there

Absolutely not. His parents are more or less strangers to you. I wouldn't feel comfortable w/ this.

I should just add to my post above we had known both the BF and his family well for 4 years at this point

Absolutely would not even remotely entertain the idea of this.

Never ever. She's a child. You cannot trust anyone to look after your child.. doesn't matter how long you've known them.

She must be getting on for 16. You cannot trust anyone to look after your child? So, they never go to friend’s house or even school?

When l was a teen (admittedly a while ago, l’m in my 40s), a friend came away with my family. I went away with friends and their family too.

It’s no different to having a friend come on holiday with you. You are not allowing them to share a room or anything so what’s different? They are just spending time together and enjoying the family holiday with you. It’s not like anyone is encouraging them to have sex!!

Yes, this 😁

Sorry I know its not the purpose of your post but you absolutely need to have a discussion with her about birth control if she's in a relationship at that age.

@StarlightLady having a friend over or going to school is completely different to going on holiday with them - a different country, more than a day away etc.

It's great that the experience you've had was fine but in this day and age I wouldn't trust my child (however old they are and 16 is still a child btw) to go on holiday without me or my partner.

OP asked what you would do and that's my opinion.

My son went away with his GF and her father at 15. He slept on the sofa. They had a great time.

I was 14 and went with boyfriend and family for holiday.my parents had met his parents. I was on contraception. We have been married 26 years, and have 6 kids :))

I probably wouldn’t let mine go until they were at least 17. X

you said it, she’s still a child. if anything happens to her, she’ll blame you for letting her go. a firm no.

My 14 year old step son went on a school trip where his GF was also in attendance . It was chaperoned by teachers. They had separate rooms in the same hotel.

Please understand this is an international forum and you’re going to get some puritanical American nonsense thrown at you and I see it already - I’m American, raised in America and now live in the U.K.

I would say this situation is fine as long as you understand the sleeping arrangements and what activities will be undertaken and all holiday details. If they are going abroad you’ll need to figure out how to give them permission to take her through border controls. Children are questioned about the adults they are travelling with. She may need to have something in writing with your details for contact.

I assume you know the the boyfriend and have met the parents ?

This is a very common term for a boyfriend or girlfriend in the U.K.

Policing bedrooms isn't going to stop anything. My parents met aged 12 and 14 in the 1950s. Aged 16 and 18 they were allowed to go and stay in a boarding house in the Lake District on condition my father slept on the top floor and my mother in the basement flat. The landlady slept on the landing in between. I spent a lot of time with my mother during Covid and she told me that they had found other places to be intimate rather than the boarding house. " Well we just had to be a bit more imaginative didn't we". My father's ashes are scattered in the lake overlooked by one of those spots. Teenagers haven't changed. Just because they aren't sharing a bedroom definitely doesn't mean they aren't having sex.

I don’t understand why the comments make it seem like only place they could have sex is on holiday 😂 they could be at it like rabbits right now. Let’s not act like none of us had underage sex in a completly random place. Only you know your daughter OP, is she sensible? Can you trust her? These are the things I’d be considering

You're not suggesting it's a good thing by talking to her about consent and contraceptives, you can say to her that you feel it's too early and also that anyone trying to talk her into sex if she's not ready isn't worth hanging onto. Talking about sex won't change her current thoughts on sex/no sex, what it will do is make it a lot less likely she'll wind up pregnant.

No absolutely not.