Sad our church turned its back on dd

[TeenLifeMum]

Dd has been to church all her life. At one point we moved to a different church that suited us more but we made lovely friends etc and dd was attending youth group until she was 15. Suddenly she was less keen but focusing on GCSEs so we didn’t push it. With clubs etc for the other dc, regular attendance dropped a bit but we were fairly relaxed.

I believe in god but have always had issues with “the church”, but put that aside to be with people of faith.

I recently learned why dd stopped going to youth - they did a full session on how they should pray for gay people in the hope of healing them. How they are so angry about people loving each other is beyond me.

dd is gay. Her girlfriend is loving, kind, polite, and caring. I want all my dc to have loving healthy relationships so have no issue and naively thought others wouldn’t care. Turns out they do. Two of her closest friends stepped away due to her being gay (parents we’d met through church) and now she understandably doesn’t want to go to church, and neither do I.

I’m angry. I hope they’re really proud of themselves from their high horses. On the off chance they’re on here - no, you’re not good Christians.

Thanks for humouring my rant.

Whatevs. 😊

Seems like you have all learned a valuable lesson. Anyone who imagines religious doctrine leads to tolerance and understanding needs to look again. I'm glad your daughter turned her back on these bigots but how long was it before she told you about their behaviour OP?

I'm so sorry. This is awful. So few churches are open about their views. Or they're vague. Or they say "we subscribe to the Evangelical Alliance" or something. At least she didn't get dragged into something awful like Living Out. The church needs to take a look at themselves. I thought the story of Lizzie Lowe had ensured Christians moved forward. Most churches aren't like this by the way, I have a very liberal church and a lot openly gay Christian friends.

When dc were younger it felt like a lovely safe space and a sense of community. Our local churches are really active and busy, despite it being 2024. Having a sense of belonging is known to be beneficial to humans but I’ve always been open with my dc about my beliefs and supported theirs. Dd3 is atheist, her dad was on the fence but now says he’s atheist as the church is full of hate. I still have faith but not in the institution. We no longer attend church.

I'm so sorry OP. The Church of Scotland and the Episcopal church in Scotland both support gay marriage, so there are welcoming places out there.

I hope you can find a more welcoming community.

That's not actually true, although I'm sorry if the church you spoke to believes that. The Church of England has a wide breadth (some against gay people, some against women!) but I know a number of openly gay vicars in the CofE.

I do have kids and generally support your post. My poor children!

Agreed. I hope they're all straight, growing up gay with a homophobic parent is a truly awful experience. But I'm glad you find it so amusing.

2 years, but we’d stopped regularly attending due to other clubs the other dc had so it was only church youth dd1 still attended, then she stopped but didn’t explain why until recently. I don’t think the leaders knew she was gay. We went to a different church around Christmas due to timings of the services.

The first church definitely supported a trans woman - Bob became Angela overnight. They initially only went to evening services though as it was confusing for the children (what they said) and they had a child with their wife, who they remained married to. I wonder how second church would have reacted.

second church (homophobic one) once had a drunk homeless lady enter at the start and come to the front, dancing to the music. She then started stripping and the vicar did step in. Dh did refer to it as stripper church for a while. But they were seemingly compassionate… I presume she wasn’t gay.

I just wish the church would focus more on combating hate rather than focusing on trying to destroy love. The Bible doesn’t mention sex that much yet that’s the bit they hang onto.

Sad? @TeenLifeMum I’d be fuming! This is a total disgrace.

Well said @CrunchyCarrot

We go to Church. We took our, now adult, children.

As they got into their teens their attendance dropped off - as it often does. No big issue, their choice but I’ve dug the foundations.

All of them are gay. I don’t think they had any issues with the Church, teachings attitudes etc.

Now though….. 2 won’t darken the doorway of any Church, 1 has connections/visits a gay friendly Church. (actually friendly to anyone) Not so much from incidents but a general feeling, stories etc.

1 has questioned why I go - sometimes I wonder too! But I generally feel that I can make more of a difference from inside rather than shouting from outside.

I have had a go at a Bishop* and a visiting preacher who were unwilling to discuss things/made unkind statements. I talk about my children, their partners in normal conversations.

Our Church is welcoming to all and is far from judgemental. If it wasn’t I’d be off, with some noise.

*Got praised by my vicar for doing this - saying things he couldn’t.

I’d say try another - err away from the Evangelical perhaps and those that follow the script rather than the message.

I'm sorry that your daughter has experienced this.

You could discuss this with the youth leader and ask what they do to make people in same sex relationships maintain their self esteem. They are loved by God after all. Not to mention if they really do believe that gay people are flawed you can remind them that the bible is fill of stories about imperfect people and God still used them - some of whom had done terrible things.

You can also find a church that is accepting of the gay community - they are out there.

Thirdly - when I had fallen out with churches I was reminded to keep looking up to God and not at the people (who after all are flawed).

Keep faith and keep loving and supporting her. You sound like a lovely mum.

So true! Posters have tried to argue that being homophobic isn't "hate". Or have said because they "love the sinner but not the sin" they can't possibly be homophobic. But just calling homosexuality a sin is homophobic, and it is hateful. They can profess that it comes from a place of love until the cows come home - there's no excusing their upsetting and old-fashioned thoughts and opinions.

Loving my wife is NOT a sin. Our family unit (us two, and our young son) is NOT a sin. My life is NOT a sin. It's so hurtful that people believe otherwise, and try to use an ancient book to justify that. I'd be very interested in hearing what followers of the bible think about the fact my son has two Mums. Is that an (apparently) specific sin in the bible??

@TeenLifeMum I'm sad for you and especially for your daughter. I'm sure it's been devastating for all of you in many ways. Out of interest, does your daughter still follow the religion? Does she still have her faith? And, if so, how does she express and celebrate that?

If you were attending church and if you are religious, you surely should know the Bible? And what it says on these sort of relationships? It is strange to go to a vegetarian restaurant and demand meat dishes.

@JayJayEl not at the CofE school my DD goes to.

Which version of the Bible?

This thread just confirms the prophetic statement made by Paul the apostle.

So many stating their church affirms that which flys in the face of scripture.

“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables.”
2 Timothy 4:3-4

Which is why we need to change generationally and take the relevant parts from any text, including religious texts? I’d imagine any book written that long ago will be a bit questionable!

Apologies, but I'm not sure which part of my post you are referring to!

Is that true?! I’ve never seen or heard that anywhere! Can’t imagine it’s easily policed either way 🙈

I really don’t think we can call everything HATE. For example, many believers (of different faiths) would consider co-habitation a sin regardless of sexual orientation.

Yet no-one shouts HATE.

Reality is - we all have different belief systems and disagreement does not equal hate.