I need all your swear words, stuff to smash and best cures for a headache, fury and downright devastation

[BirthdayRainbow]

Please.

Ex h has met someone else. Don't care.

What I care about is he has told her really really personal stuff about me. Stuff she didn't need to know. Stuff he didn't need to tell her. He could have said something fairly benign about why we split without telling her something so painful. They've been dating a week. Seven fucking days.

I'm not saying what but trust me when I say it is gobsmackingly bad.

I have been tearful for hours but I need to sleep, have two difficult and busy days coming and need to deal with it.

The new gf can believe what she likes but no one would believe anyone would stay in an awful situation that long. I do get it. It wasn't his information to share. If I were her I'd be worried about his lack of discretion.

But for you. Do nothing and say nothing. I believe nothing is more powerful than silence. It means you don't care enough to even respond. He is forgotten.

I've been on the receiving end of silence when I've recently gone through a horrible time and it hurts like nothing else.

So let him hurt.

Yeh I didn’t mean to post that. It was silly musing… On an iPad. Reported it immediately…

I think you're right. I just struggle with not responding as sick of him getting away with things and also thinking I have no reply as he's right. Plus stupid me thinking I can educate and improve him.

He reckons he was unhappy for 8-18 years. He hid it well. All while grinding me down without me noticing as he'd done such a number on me plus taking advantage of my childhood. Which he admitted he had benefitted from..

He won't hurt though. He doesn't care. He walked out after a 45 minute chat where he said at the end, shall I go then? And nothing in between. By the time he'd reached mummy's he decided I was lying and we were done. Didn't tell me though. I had to ask what he'd told her.

He sounds awful. He may not care now but he might in the future when he realises his shiny new life isn't all that.

Try to focus and take care of you.

@user1471538283 ,y immediate response to that is the worry that he'll be happier with her and justify his horrible behaviour to me as I was too this and the other. He was very good at making me feel very weird, not good enough and odd. I know now I'm none of those things.

Had my therapy. Told her all that has happened with him and how I feel shame. She was brilliant. Completely changed how I feel about shame I've carried for nearly 40 years. It's amazing how one person can say what needs to be said and something can just change. She has no idea how much she has helped. I've spent all my life being abused by men and my Grandma said I had come to bed eyes and gave off a vibe, so felt it was my fault and all I was worth, all I was here for.

She suggested I be indifferent to him when he comes on Friday.

@Isittoolatea I like your style!

Birthday, I hope you absolutely rock your underwear. Wish I had the self confidence for red (top layers only I think). Hope that all the angles on how you are building a bridge, walking with your shoulders thrown back over it, away from Mr Waste of Space, then calmly pulling it up behind you and leaving him on the bank, are working like a charm.

Great news!

A shift in perspective can open up a new life.

A good therapist is worth their weight in gold @BirthdayRainbow Such great news!

Apparently I do rock the underwear 😆. Makes me sad that after ex h cheated, I thought I should be more like what I imagined the OW was like so I went to M&S and bought dark red and gold pants. I wore them once then chucked them out. I decided I wasn't doing myself down like that. The sexy red stuff is Ann Summers 😂

You are so right. I've always enjoyed your posts, more back in the day when I think we both posted more about tricky life stuff and when MN was smaller and one got to know the names and remember them. I feel such a weight has been lifted off me.

She really is. She's live changing as well as life saving and while it is a few hundred a month I have decided I am worth it and it is necessary.

In other news, the top of the chain have agree to break so we are all on the move!! Hurray. I'm going to have Christmas in my new home. I'm thinking about buying a new tree and not having the one he chose.

Your therapist is right. Indifference is the long term goal as well. So it's a fake it until you make it situation, and you will make it, with time, self care, and acceptance that
this is about his defects as a person and has nothing to do with you.

That was a terrible thing for your grandmother to say to you. My grandmother said (about my ex) that if I didn't stop I would lose him. I asked her what I was supposed to stop and she had no answer.
I think she didn't dare say; "Stop being independent, having your own opinions and just be more submissive."
Yeah, fuck a bunch of that.
Our grandmothers grew up in a time when those kind of misogynistic myths were considered "wisdom."

100%. I was just joking. Ultimately, as low contact as possible is the best way to go. That's how you heal. Grey rock him if seeing him is unavoidable.

Thank you @XChrome and you're so right. That very same grandma was rumoured to have been a lady of the night and I can't help wonder what happened to her for her to be in that position if it was true. I know she had six kids by a few men so probably had a rubbish time.

There are tip runs necessary and I can't do most of them as my car is a lot smaller than his but I'll just have to deal with him coming here. But I'll be a changed woman when he comes. I didn't even care if he thinks it is because I am jealous as I know I'm not. I'm still not happy he told her, not happy he probably did it for the oh how terrible a time I've had sympathy vote but I need to let it go for my well being.

I'm storing up a few sentences I'd love to say to him cold and quiet just before I move though!

Definitely. I've put a note in my phone to talk to him as little as possible and stay out of his way. Not helping him that's for sure.

Had to speak to him via text then he rang me. Is paying over the odds for something as we're on a month to month contract but wouldn't pay an extra £8 so can't watch what I want

Do we need more reasons to hate him? Fucks sake

You’re more than worth it BirthdayRainbow!

Can I suggest some new baubles?

I literally laughed out loud at that @Isittoolatea I might just get those.

Thank you for both posts.

Feeling frustrated today as have to see ex tomorrow and I'm dreading it. I just feel whatever I do/say or don't do/say he will think it is because a reason it isn't. I know I shouldn't care what he thinks of me, and I really don't and I'm sure he's all loved up with Mrs Widow, but I long for the day he has an epiphany and shows me some decency. Which I know will never ever happen. There's stuff I could say to him that would hurt him and maybe make him hate me but I just wouldn't as I'm not into hurting people. My son thinks I should as ex has hurt me.

Sorry to hear your feeling frustrated BirthdayRainbow.
When you see your ex tomorrow just try as hard as you can to put your game face on. I know it’s hard I really do when all you want to do is scream and shout at them and knee them in the balls .
But just know it’s his loss and know that you are amazing .
I wouldn’t say anything to him to hurt him just act indifferent and then you can have a good cry /wobble when he leaves xx

Sad thing is I don't think he'll feel he's lost anything. I really thought we were solid and all the alarm bells were very easily silenced because of stuff that had gone before or his hidden control.

I am so disappointed in his mother as well. She's not messaged or rung to see how I am. He's either not told her I know or he's told her I'm happy for him. She knows my kids know.

Thank you @Isittoolatea

They won’t because they are selfish twats that destruct everything in their path .
But YOU will know he’s lost you and YOU are all that matters .
Funny you mention alarm bells , I’m just going through my phone deleting all mention of my ex and I came across a video I made in 2021! I was recording something funny and ex was on sofa , as I got nearer to him he looked at his phone and pressed something to make the screen go blank. Had this video on my phone for 3 years and only just noticed that !
Bollocks to his mother Aswell , she should have swallowed night he was conceived!