I need all your swear words, stuff to smash and best cures for a headache, fury and downright devastation

[BirthdayRainbow]

Please.

Ex h has met someone else. Don't care.

What I care about is he has told her really really personal stuff about me. Stuff she didn't need to know. Stuff he didn't need to tell her. He could have said something fairly benign about why we split without telling her something so painful. They've been dating a week. Seven fucking days.

I'm not saying what but trust me when I say it is gobsmackingly bad.

I have been tearful for hours but I need to sleep, have two difficult and busy days coming and need to deal with it.

It probably was intentional and deliberate. Don't underestimate how disgusting and downright evil men like this can be.

Keep going to therapy. It is very hard to develop a teflon coating when your wounds are still raw and he keeps on pouring salt onto them.

Try to limit the opportunities he has to goad you - an email account strictly for contact with him, to be looked at only twice a week, is how I managed communication. I also refused to engage with anything except for necessary communication about the DCs. Tell him the new email address and that phone calls won't be answered, nor texts.

There will come a time when you realise he is out of your head and nothing he says or does can touch you. I had a good laugh when I heard what exH was saying about me to his siblings, a few years ago.

You may find it hard to believe now, but there will come a time when you will see him for the pathetic waste of space that he is, while you sail on serenely, and others will get the ick when they hear him revealing private things about you or denigrating you. People are not all fools all the time - they will prick up their ears and think, "That man is such an asshole..."

Plus, in a few years, he will be whispering stories into some new woman's ear, only this time they will feature the current girlfriend.

You don’t have to thank me BirthdayRainbow x
And you have said to me more than you’ll ever realise . I’m still here because of you and all the other mumsnetters who have given me support .
Im just sorry to hear your going through a shit time too .
I already knew it about you after your posts to me but just wanted to say you absolutely rock and your obviously still on your ex’s mind for him to even be talking about you to his new piece of meat. If I was the new woman I’d be wondering why he is still talking about me .
I know it will be no consolation now but I don’t think many ex’s (especially men) would speak highly of their ex partner so let him be an immature arse bandit but it reflects more badly on him than it does on you . And if I was the new girlfriend it would be a massive red flag for me xx

Thank you @mathanxiety . I know divorcing him was the right thing even though I had no choice really. We are selling the house so he is coming to do jobs and take stuff to the tip, etc. We don't discuss the kids as he seems to have forgotten he has any. Turned down a day out with them and carried on with a preplanned arrangement, she was there of course. He should have cancelled given one child lives away and the other was going back to uni miles away.

I had got to a place where I didn't give a toss and then he keeps being horrible to me and hurts me again. Have to see him Friday. Dreading it but I have a plan.

Blimey! I have brain fog I know - but for several minutes I read and re-read this and thought, 'Gosh - you're brave!' For some reason 'a tradesman fixing his cock up' read like one of those 1970s porn movies where a man with a large moustache and a large 'tool' came round to service the housewife and with very little dialogue they were having sex on the kitchen floor...

I eventually realised that you'd had to get a professional in to repair some shite job your ex had made a balls of. 😂

Thank you @Isittoolatea. I know about the woman's personal circumstances and I'm worried for her tbh. It was put to me that she asked about what had happened with us so that she protected herself. He's put her before me. On the face of it, no issue, but what he's said is unbelievably painful.

Made me laugh. Thank you.

God, if he starts having sex with her...

On one hand 🤣🤣🤣.

On the other 😳💔💔as it will be all so lovely and normal with her.

@BirthdayRainbow I hoped it would make you laugh! It did me, when I finally clicked what it actually meant.

I realised in June that it was my 'wedding anniversary' of 35 years (to my ex) and I spent the entire day feeling joyful that I wasn't STILL with him, 35 years later. We had 14 years together, and 3 kids - so not anywhere near as long as your marriage, but I'm still very grateful that I've not spent the last 21 years with him.

I know things will be raw and tough at the moment but one day you will just feel indifferent towards him and he won't have the power to affect you in any way.

I can imagine your feeling hurt BirthdayRainbow and I’m sorry he’s made you feel like that . Just know you had a lucky escape from him . Be kind to yourself and remember the advice you gave me .
I hope he gets threadworms and his arse won’t stop scratching all night x

I literally don't care whether he lives or dies so don't understand why he can still hurt me with his words and actions. I can't wait to move.

I sent him a late message last night making it very clear he is not to discuss my business with anyone and a few other thoughts. I expect zero back but if there is a response I can guess that too. I have my reply planned already. I am going to finish him. Twat.

He replied. Did not say sorry. All justification for how my trauma has hurt him and how he has to start his life again and be open and honest..

Right, this is left-field, but when you are able to, please get hold of the book 'Wifedom' by Anna Funder. This was hands down a read of the year, and, warning, there was a point when I unexpectedly just cried buckets, which is a very rare occurrence. It was when you said 'It was just the 27 years...' that made me think this.

Second. Swear words. I hope his ears turn to arseholes and shit on his shoulders.

Slight silver lining? When he poddles on and gets to the point where he wonders if he could have his cake and eat it (I've seen this happen when the greener grass is all eaten up), there is no conceivable way you will be persuaded to soften after this. None. Nada. His cake is in the slop bin.

Coke. The drink, not white powder. A bag of crisps and paracetamol. An alternating hot/cold shower.
For the headaches.

Keep reading the thread. You need this kind of solid female support ( and a good laugh!)

I too hope his genitals turn carnivorous. So much solidarity, sister. My ex did not do what yours did, but something equally heinous, which I only discovered after we separated.

My personal recommendation for getting rid of the rage is joining in some kind of pagan healing circle. Especially if there is fire!

I hope you have good friends in real life 💕

I hope your ok BirthdayRainbow .
I have been thinking about you .
He won’t say sorry because he’s a twat just like my ex , he won’t think he’s done anything wrong .
Also I’m ordering some of these do you want some ordering?

AutumnFroglets · Yesterday 21:20

I hope his genitals turn carnivorous and eat his face off in his sleep, leaving him looking like Freddie Krueger was the 'after' photo in a channel 4 2000s style makeover.
Jesus 😮😱
Remind me never to upset you!

Or Sardines on gingerbread! Lethal!!

On reflection, I hope that he really does have the occasion to need a tradesman who would fix (ex's) cock up, not a euphemism, and that the tradesman - no, tradeswoman - is a strapping sadistic type who has a belt full of very traditional tools you can't quite work out the purposes of, but the imagination goes wild on them.

Put yourself in her shoes. If she's horrible then she will relish the information which speaks volumes for the toxic relationship they will have.

If she's horrified that he told her such personal and unnecessary stuff and has told him he shouldn't have told her then she's a good sort who will either quickly finish's with him or make him toe the line.

@BirthdayRainbow , he’s a moron, obviously. I could have him round for dinner, I do quite a good curry. I also had to have some very powerful laxatives post surgery and I have a lot left…..

Apologies for not quoting you all individually. I got worried it was taking up too much room and would annoy everyone.

@Ormally I will for the book, thank you. We are divorced. There is no going back. I'll be moving about 200 miles away while he plans to live with his mum for another year.

@JollyTallTeddy I gave up drinking coke as felt it was bad for me but on the odd occasion I have one I think it gives me a headache. But I'll get some and see. Thankfully my head isn't too bad today though I had a group trams call for a medical issue - caused my him - and I got very tearful 😳.

I am so tempted to say what has happened but a bit nervous. It was worse than an affair. He did that already btw.

I do have some good friends but two dropped me after ex cheated and sometimes I need this kind of response.

@Isittoolatea definitely order me some please. Sorry I've been rubbish in your thread. I'll be back when I can. I'm so happy and proud of you you're still with us. Still fighting.

@MissSkegness1951 apparently he told her as wants to rebuild his life with someone and wants to be open and honest. Shame he couldn't be like that with me. No idea what her thoughts are on his sharing unnecessary stuff. Could you explain more about the first paragraph please. I'll never know so can't compute how it helps. Due to him I have a brain issue so can't always work things out. TY.

@Ihategallstones that would be great. He'll only eat chicken korma though.

Gosh I’d love to know what her reaction was when her shiny new man of a week’s duration starting opening his soul about all his past shitty behaviour.

He must think he’s a real catch if he thinks that’s going to help his new relationship.

Or perhaps, just possibly, he’s only thinking about what will make him feel better, and not considering the feelings of any mere woman??

If I understand correctly he cheated on you after a long marriage, has met someone new and told her about the infidelity? The latter would be understandable except he has told you which was unnecessary and triggering. Also from your experience of his boundary keeping, he has no filter, so may have said more than you'd like rather than just giving an honest precis.

I have an ex like that. Not a long marriage, just a 5 year relationship but a very histrionic kind of fella.

I don't hate him (nothing like as hurtful as what happened with you as we weren't together as long but he was incredibly indiscreet and has told me some very inappropriate things indeed about subsequent relationships).

Point being I now find his lack of self control and maturity completely repulsive, a bit pathetic and wonder what I ever saw in him. He's not a bad guy and we are loosely friends (I stay in touch with his mum). However, that squealing self pity
? Yuck. Just glad I'm nowhere near! I know it's a lot fresher and deeper still but can you get to that point and see him from that angle rather than feel vulnerable to his loose lips?

@yousexybugger No. That's not it. I don't care he's told her he had an affair. That was nine years ago. We split a year ago. I'm pissed off he's told her about what happened to me as a child and I'm sure you can all guess and it wasn't being smacked, plus the awful stuff he said to me about it. Again, guess but times it by a thousand for how bad it was. That is why I'm upset.

I'll consider taking one for the team @minipie and ask him what her response was but I suspect it would upset me more.

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. That is really awful. I'd misunderstood from previous posts and thought it was about his behaviour (and to be honest it was understandable why you'd be upset by even that). That was a total breach of trust and should have stayed between you . Anyone reasonable would see that. This will reflect so badly upon him and any decent new partner will not think well of it.

I'm so sorry I didn't see your post yesterday OP.

I hope you feel better today, but if not I will just add this in for you.

I speak a 2nd language and mostly swear in that one, as it's just so descriptive, and just comes from the soul.

So to @BirthdayRainbow 's ex:

Jys 'n fokken poes man. Doos.

There OP. I feel better now so the vibes will reach you via osmosis. Chin up. You've got this girl.

💐

You have every right to be upset BirthdayRainbow.
Im so sorry to hear what you went through .
God what an arsehole! I’m flabbergasted as to why he felt the need to tell his new side piece any of that information?????
What an utter shit head .
Just remember this is on him not you.
Your an amazing human being BirthdayRainbow
xx