What are the worst social faux pas that new parents make?

[ThinkingUpsideDown]

I've seen some pretty heated threads over the last week, from bringing children to 'adult only' events to parents letting their children run wild in cafes. As a rookie mum of a 6-month-old, I am keen NOT to lose friends and piss off strangers.

What would you consider the worst social faux pas that (new) parents make? Is there an unwritten code of etiquette? Have you been in any situations recently that made you think 'how obnoxious!', 'Are they serious?' or '"What were they thinking?'

Genuinely curious to hear the responses!

Firstly, it is ok to love your children and enjoy their company and express that love and enjoyment in public places. Also, your children are entitled to take up space and be children. If adults don't want to encounter children in public spaces, they need to either stay home or go to spaces which are unlikely to have children in them (pubs and certain restaurants after 8pm, for example).

Secondly, in expressing your love for and enjoyment of your children, please remember that others will not share these feelings, so keep the noise and fuss to socially acceptable levels and don't constantly be banging on about them to other people. But if you're not a boring and socially unaware person pre-kids, you'll manage this no bother since you can probably read the room. Children aren't the only boring topic of conversation - cycling, holidays, hill-walking, Lego for adults, running gear and the mess the council are making of local services can be equally boring if taken to extremes.

Thirdly, hard to believe but some fellow school parents will actually be interested in your DC and what they're up to, without being secretly either bored to tears or competitive. They won't want to hear you bang on at length at how your 7yo child prodigy has achieved grade 3 piano, but if your child and theirs have been friends for a while, they may well not mind being treated to a little performance if round at your house without thinking you're insufferable! Particularly if you let their musically ungifted child bang on the keys afterwards. I quite like it personally when my DC's school friends tell me about their achievements and I don't mind being shown art they've done or whatever they're into at that time.

Don't change nappies in a public space, like someone else's living room, a cafe, the train, in court ( yes, I've seen all of these).
Keep your DC quiet and under control, and if they start screaming, take them out.
Don't bother even trying to get a 2 or 3 year old to sit quietly for 2 hours in a restaurant/pub, because they won't manage it, and everyone will get stressed, and no one will enjoy the meal or drink. If you really have to take them to meals out ( eg it's the only way to attend granny's birthday) someone will need to be on child duty and take them out for regular breaks.

There's a right load of curmudgeons on this thread. Parenthood is a learning curve, and a bewildering one. Sometimes you don't have the brain space.

One of my neighbours has a 6 month old. baby boy. She calls him her sexy little man. She's said this in my house and when we were sitting in the park one afternoon. She picked him up from his buggy and said it loudly enough for others to hear. 🙄

This potty one is bullshit. Whip that potty out when you need to! Just in as discrete a location as you have time to find

what do you think i meant by private?
I've seen someone get the thing out in the middle of primark, and in the middle of a restaurant. THAT is what i mean!

Letting your toddler shit into a doggy poo bag in the middle of a busy high street.

I came off pretty much all social media because of friends doing this. “Look at how much we do! My children are so enriched!” Yeah, see yah

There is no code of etiquette. However, treat others in your space with consideration and respect, and expect the same.

My best friend has a toddler now and I love her so much but everytime she does an impression of how her toddler would say something it makes me cringe so bad. My other friend does it for her 5yo and actually I think he speaks better than she makes out. I find it so weird when people do that.

Public toileting. You DC deserves some dignity in toileting. Please remove them to a private space to change their nappy and when toilet training.

Oh, yes. I hate this. It's revolting.

Social media is cringe in general. I'd rather see a child smeared in yoghurt than a couple having a smug restaurant meal or on holiday or posting about weight loss or whatever. One reason why I'm not on sm

@JacketPotatoFoodOfTheGods you could start your own thread....tips for the childless whilst being a nice friend, to paraphrase your post

I'd avoid this too, but if choice is between child pissing on floor or into a potty, what's better? And most shops don't have toilets. And often if you're in a multi-floor shop with a pram, you can't get to toilets without waiting for lift which takes longer than a toddler bladder can wait.

Yes you can say don't go out until kids are reliably potty trained, but this can take more than a year for some kids.

The closure of public toilets all over the place has also made people more likely to have portable potties.

Yup

As others have said talking about how your child is definitely a genius, they’re probably not and no one cares!

Boasters make me want to go the opposite way - it baffles them.

Also those loons that get obsessed with primary aged book bands.

i used to put mine in training pants if we went out, the rule being we HAD to get to a toilet and not use the pants, but it meant if there WERE accidents, there wasn't a mess.

Worked fine for both of my kids.

Just for fun, what I am guilty of as a first time mum according to this thread:

Posting pix of him on social media (I do this maybe once a month)

I once, horror, posted a pic of him smothered in food on the work WhatsApp but in my defence it was to go alongside a family announcement (very small business) and thought a cute pic would be too cringe. I suppose I was trying to be a bit ironic. No one commented on it, ha ha.

Sniffing his bum in public (I always attempt to do this discreetly). I wouldn't dream of changing him in public! Witnessed it once and was shocked.

Taking him out for meals in the evening and to family events past his bedtime (he's generally well behaved). Sometimes I let him crawl around if it's quiet and there is space.

Bring him with me if I am meeting friends in the day (don't do this for any evening thing, and try and give friends option of meeting with baby or without baby depending on whether his dad can look after him)

I try really hard not to go on and on about him all the time. Tbh I find talking about baby stuff boring myself.

My baby is very friendly. He's always trying to interact with strangers. I never know whether to rein him in or not? Is allowing young kids to interact with strangers a faux pas?

I was 40 when I had my baby and prior to this had very little tolerance for other people's kids.

I thought I was hyper aware of other people not being massively interested in my child and of being an annoying mum but reading this thread wonder if I have been committing many faux pas!

Lazy Dads who visit family without their partner, then sit back and expect all the females to entertain, feed and look out for their child.

I don’t have kids, but am happy to see photos and videos of friends’ kids, to meet up with friends and their kids, it’s all good, so long as it’s not wholly one-sided.

The one thing that can bug me is visiting friends forgetting they’re parents as soon as they arrive; I’m happy to play/talk/interact with the kids, and I don’t mind imposing house rules, if needs be, but I really don’t want to suddenly become the de facto parent because we’re all under my roof.

These are all good people and good parents, but it’s honestly like some king of switch clicks off. (Dog owners do the same, ime, not that I’m equating children with dogs.)

About social media, i don't have a problem with Facebook stories ( don't use any other sm but I'm assuming Instagram is the same idea) because if people don't like you content they can mute it. You are not forcing photos of your baby on them, they are opting in. Its the same with any topic, such as posting Strava runs, or holiday photos. Personally, I love seeing photos of other babies, especially those around the same age as my daughter. I can understand why direct messages must get tedious and a workplace chat is just inappropriate!

Don't splash your baby or child all over your SM. There are privacy concerns and safeguarding concerns.

Also, vaccinate your baby.

I always put nappy in a nappy bag and then asked where to put it.
Please don’t do what someone did once at ours - they put nappy (without a bag ) in a guest bathroom (into the bin but still ) which was rarely used and didn’t mention it. It wasn’t pleasant when I found it.

This happened in my ILs' family. We never heard the end of how brilliant a particular cousin was, the advanced maths classes taken, the A's achieved... and sadly the adults who broadcast all of this also gave the cousin the impression they were God's gift to mathematics. It turned out all my kids had done the same track (different school) and had the same grades. It's not fair to children to treat them as if they were the crown jewels. It messes them up.