What are the worst social faux pas that new parents make?

[ThinkingUpsideDown]

I've seen some pretty heated threads over the last week, from bringing children to 'adult only' events to parents letting their children run wild in cafes. As a rookie mum of a 6-month-old, I am keen NOT to lose friends and piss off strangers.

What would you consider the worst social faux pas that (new) parents make? Is there an unwritten code of etiquette? Have you been in any situations recently that made you think 'how obnoxious!', 'Are they serious?' or '"What were they thinking?'

Genuinely curious to hear the responses!

Do not expect everyone around you (including others with equally small children or other needs) to fit around the totally inflexible routine you have decided on for your child. By all means, parent as you see fit but if that includes a very fixed schedule of naps/feeds/quiet time etc (especially if that has to happen in darkness and silence) you need to accept that other people around you will need to do things without you. This one is particularly annoying if you have previously been the child-free friend who insisted that other people's babies should just fit around them.
It's never a good idea to get brag/get evangelical about the amazing parenting system that you've 'discovered' that means your child is an angelic genius who sleeps through from birth, eats everything you give him and is in all ways ahead of developmental milestones. You will inevitably meet parents who have tried everything under the sun and still have a baby who wakes every hour and/or stresses them out by refusing food/not meeting milestones. They will not say anything but they will resent you. It's also fairly likely that your child is just naturally easy and you are not actually parenting wizards, so there's a reasonable chance that you will do the same with baby number 2 and he/she will be a terror.

Probably more for when the child is a bit older and starts nursery/school- unless you are willing to pay for one to one child care, understand that child-care/school staff cannot re-arrange the rules/plans to suit your child's preferences (different if there are actual special needs of course).

Letting a child be entertained by a device with the volume audible to others.

Perfectly acceptable to put a nappy in outside bin bagged up if visiting (I normally double bag just to be sure)

I agree that's fine.

He's a few tips instead:

• when needing to change a nappy round a friend's house ask then where to go. Only then, if they say 'anywhere' use the lounge, and then only for wees. Likewise ask them where to put the toxic waste, don't just put it in their bin. Oh and take your own portable changing mat.

• if your baby is sleeping/eating/gaining weight/whatever well, you don't have to lie or stay quiet, but don't make out that its because of your amazing parenting or something you've done.

• when in a group and older kids come up, feel free to contribute, but remember that you are speaking hypothetically and how annoyed your felt when you were told how to parent your baby by someone who didn't have kids yet (it happens to us all). Don't do the same with older kids. They are a totally different ball game.

I will never forget the horror I felt when someone I knew plonked her baby on the table in McDonald’s and changed a shitty explosive nappy without a second thought.

I think the main one for me has been the endless Whatsapp photos (and Instagram stories, although that one might just be me being a miser because they're not directly TO me and I can just mute them). I like my friend's kids a lot and see them fairly regularly, but opening our group chat to 15 photos of what they've been up to every day is a bit tedious because I feel obliged to react with "Awww" "Haha how funny" etc all the time and it kills the conversations because inevitably there's not much to say about a picture of them doing kid stuff (and, if I'm entirely honest, unless they're being particularly hilarious OR doing something new for the first time, I don't really care!).

Otherwise though I think a lot of these are just par for the course of being a new parent - if you're generally reasonably nice and mindful as a person before you have kids, I think you probably will be after them and most people are fairly forgiving of new parents being a bit precious or annoying, haha.

Definitely letting children interrupt - I was forever saying, "Just wait while grown-ups are talking"

Oops should have said 9-1 is the grading system because 9 is the highest grade so you count down.

Your child is (probably) not the next Taylor Swift. Please don't encourage them to perform in public unless at an organised event. No-one wants to hear a six year old's rendition of Old MacDonald Had a Farm while trapped on the 10.08 from King's Cross.

Don't change nappies in the room full of people if a bathroom or another room is available. No one wants to be exposed to the mess.

I have a relative who gave birth a couple of weeks after me. Our DC share a GP (GGP in their case). I've had to sit and listen to that child being hailed as the new messiah for years. He was such a genius he had to get work sent from another school.
The family suddenly went very quiet when the GCSE results came out. His were all lower than a four. Even if your DC is the next Einstein, please try to be a little humble.

Hmmm... Shall we also make a list of things that child free friends might like to remember when their good friends reproduce?

Realise that their whole existence has just changed and they are adjusting

Imagine your body leaking milk, blood, being covered in sick a lot.

Understand that they've probably had no sleep and that looking after their kid may be what they are doing now. So, they're likely to mention it

Remember we were all kids once

Be a nice friend 🤷🏻‍♀️

A minor one in the grand scheme of things but I’m gonna say it:

Social media pics of your baby/toddlers with their food smeared all over their face.

I promise you that you are being delusioned by a love for your child that makes you think it’s cute and that’s fine but everyone else thinks it revolting.

OH and general oversharing on socials - opened Instagram stories the other day to someone I know holding her baby covered in explosive shit like “#mumlife”. Great thanks for that Sharon you’ve just ruined my breakfast and if you wouldn’t put up a picture of your fellas turds why are you posting your childs. It is equally vile.

Came here to make your first point. I am childless not by choice. I don’t want to hear about how you can’t imagine having so much free time, that the things I do are frivolous, that I’m lucky to be able to have a lie-in, or that it’s silly to celebrate birthdays once you have kids.

letting you PFB watch cartoons on a tablet/phone in a restaurant - we don't want to hear it!!

Refrain from giving life advice to those whose children are at vastly different life-stages from your own. Just because you've cracked weaning with little Jacinta, it doesn't fit you to give advice to your friend on how to stop her fifteen year old daughter from shoplifting.

coming as a disabled person who uses mobility aids.

Don't leave your pram in the wheelchair space on public transport, my wheelchair trumps your pram.

Equally, yes my blue badge does mean i can use your parent/child parking space. you can park elsewhere/walk from another space, i need the extra room to get in/out of the car, don't be rude to me and cite your childs car seat at me as why i shouldn't be parked there.

I am not your teaching moment

my crutches/walking stick/wheelchair are not toys and no it's not ok to tell your child to ask if they can 'have a go' if i'm not currently using them.

Putting photos of your children on the work WhatsApp group. No matter what the reply is and will generally be ‘oh, how cute’ - other people are just not interested

Letting your kid scream and carry on in public. Pick the little fucker up and leave, especially in a restaurant or cafe.

Owners of whinging kids (and barking dogs) are able to zone it out, to everyone else it’s pretty intolerable.

Treating public spaces as if they are an extension of your living room.
Loud performance parenting.
Not being mindful of friends or relatives who are childless not by choice.

You chose all of that when you chose to have a baby.

Also I have DC and totally agree with the majority of posts here - having a baby doesn’t mean you can be totally inconsiderate of others.

Have consideration for people about you. If your parenting or your child smells more or are louder than the people about you do something about it.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. They're only wee for a short time and you do what you have to to get through.