What are the worst social faux pas that new parents make?

[ThinkingUpsideDown]

I've seen some pretty heated threads over the last week, from bringing children to 'adult only' events to parents letting their children run wild in cafes. As a rookie mum of a 6-month-old, I am keen NOT to lose friends and piss off strangers.

What would you consider the worst social faux pas that (new) parents make? Is there an unwritten code of etiquette? Have you been in any situations recently that made you think 'how obnoxious!', 'Are they serious?' or '"What were they thinking?'

Genuinely curious to hear the responses!

@BossyWasps it's as vile for you as the next person, I believe if it came out if your child you should clean it up, not leave it for someone else to deal with. That's feral behaviour

Anything poo, wee and puke related is NOT cute or funny to anyone else. I don’t want to see, smell or hear about it.

Holding the baby up to sniff their nappy and then exclaiming “oooh someone needs a bum change” is gross.

Photos on FB where food is smeared all over their chops is also barfffff.

Oh yes, and there is a point beyond which stating your baby's age in months is ridiculous.

Honestly, I think most people are prepared to give a bit of a pass to genuinely new mothers. It’s when you’re still not able to give any attention or priority to anything else at all 18 months or three years or seven years later that it wears a lot thin. But basically, remember that other people are still important. Don’t just abandon any pretence of showing that you care and expect people not to be upset.

I came on to say about not using the wheelchair space if a wheelchair user needs it, but it's already been said. I think parents of small children forget they're only needing extra space for a handful of years and wheelchair users maybe can't travel at all if they can't use the space that is there for them. Disabled people campaigned for years to get accessible places reserved for them.

Allowing your child to watch or play something on a device with the sound turned up and no headphones especially on any form of public transport. Particularly if sharing with another child. Buy a headphone cable splitter and take it everywhere but this one is a completely no, no.

Biggest faux pax is probably having your kids at social occasions they are not old enough to sit still long enough for. It's unfair on them and will leave you feeling judged.

Wouldn't let my sister hold my newborn because she'd been drinking and smoking, I was hauled over the coals for that for years.

people who tell you how other people's children should behave- even worse if they don't have children. Or if they say they know what its like to have children because they have 'fur babies' 🙄

Wanging on about how you don’t realise what love is until you have children, there’s nothing like it etc… in company. Remember that not every has children and not everyone will have children and you will never know for sure whether that was through choice. Share away with your mum or partner of course.

Definitely allowing children to use devices without headphones.

Insisting everything be child friendly now you have child. One of my most child-sceptic friends did a complete 180 on this once she birthed the Second Coming at 40 so it was particularly annoying 😂

Changing your personality to being merely a "boy mum" or "girl mum". Jumping in puddles and walking in the woods isn't "boy mum life", it's fun for all!

As someone who's at that age where I don't have kids yet but all my friends do, I can solemnly say that the two most boring things for someone to share is 1) dreams they had and 2) endless pictures of their kids

Remember not to get so self absorbed that you forget to ask your friends and family about their own lives. And don't become one of those mums who can't go out without the baby and thus doesn't have a proper uninterrupted conversation with a friend for 8 years. If your best friend is in the midst of a traumatic break up or bereavement and wants to talk to you, leave the baby at home with its dad and focus properly on her!

As someone who had a LOT of trouble with friends becoming parents and turning into monsters... the two worst were:

• regarding yourself as morally superior now that you're a parent ("oh, you're watching Bake Off, are you? TV seems so silly and pointless now that I have darling Icarus...)
• sending pics of kids covered in food, drink or poo. If you wouldn't tolerate me sending an equivalent pic of myself, don't bloody do it with your kids.

I don't mean in literally straight after birth or if your child is seriously ill but not showing you care if a friend who has supported you for years has a serious problem (I don't mean a crap date, obv your priorities have changed). Nobody expects you to fix the whole issue or be round daily but not returning friendship because you have a kid now will hurt people

I don't personally mind poo and wee (clinical background) but many people don't like it. Please just change nappies in private. It's polite

Telling randoms how intelligent/ sporty your baby / toddler / small child are. It’s utter cringe. Those conversations are for parents / grandparents between themselves not third parties.

I have to say I have never come across any new parents being awful myself, so please don't worry that you'll be pissing people off all the time. Most people are self aware enough not to do anything intensely annoying.

The fact you are even asking the question means you will not be an annoying one!

Serving cheap champagne / "sparking white wine" at the christening party.

HTH.

I'm child-free but I don't mind it when parents dump photos on social media. I like seeing what makes people I like happy so I love seeing my friends' holidays, dogs, cats, achievements... and even kids. Don't track whether I'm liking it though!

Biggest faux pas by parents I actually know: that thing where you're in the middle of a conversation, maybe even the middle of a sentence, and the parent turns their attention to their child as though you don't exist. (I'm not talking about emergencies of course, this is along the lines of "oh look darling! a pebble!") I once witnessed a friend talk about her mother dying of cancer and get cut off like that by another friend who was only interested in her toddler. (The friend with the dying mother didn't say anything at the time but was incandescent afterwards, and the friendship was over there and then as far as she was concerned. Seven years on I'm not sure the mother of the toddler has actually noticed.)

Biggest faux pas by parents I don't know: broadly, entitlement to public spaces. The aforementioned nappy-changing at the table which makes me shudder. Pushing buggies down the middle of narrow paths and expecting other pedestrians to squeeze themselves into the wall or on to the road instead of just altering course slightly. Expecting other members of the public to pay attention or prioritise the presence of a child rather than their own business, etc.

I wouldn't worry tbh. It's like saying how do you avoid being an awkward teenager. If you are annoying, it's because you need to be. Outside of basic courtesy, just do what you need to do.

Remember that new parents can be annoying but other people can be intolerant shitheads, so it's not all on one side. People also get a very dodgy memory of what their own kids were like when a few decades have passed.

Noisy toys and tech in public and on trains etc

no thank you

Not realising that literally everyone’s one year old will wolf down brocolli and quinoa but thet will reach an age where chicken nuggets trump all food despite what you introduce them to (this phase does end: my two will eat anything now, but honestly still love a chicken nugget 🤣). Good luck with that no refined sugar diet when they’re 11 🤣

When you get together with a mixed group of people who have kids and people who don’t, resist the temptation to steer the table conversation to schools/nursery/milestones/nappies etc etc for the whole time. It’s so boring for those who don’t have kids when it’s non stop mum chat.

Thinking everyone else is as interested in the baby as you are.

Performance parenting.

Not removing a baby that’s screaming in a public place where people are trying to socialise.

Oh and woman on adjacent table in restaurant on Friday - holding your baby aloft to pointedly sniff its backside is classless and unpleasant. Take it to the lavatory to check.

Ha ha. Just wait for the grades then (1-9 GCSE, A*-E A level).

I would only use school years in a post to other mums of teens. You do get used to it but it took me 3 years or so before I stopped having to work out 1st year = year 7, so year 10 is 7,8,9,10 = 4th year.