Like a challenge? Help me find a hobby where I can make friends..BUT…

[Sidebeforeself]

….I am an introvert! Im also a bit picky about interests so I’d appreciate any ideas people might have.

Context: I’d like one ( more would be even better!) friend that I could meet up with for a coffee etc . I do have friends but they all live quite far away and everything has to be arranged weeks in advance. I think the best way to meet people would be through developing a hobby, but Ive never been hobby -minded. My “ issues “ are

I don’t like sports of any kind ( already go to a gym )
Naturally drawn to stuff you can do on your own - reading, baking, puzzles etc
Dont fancy a book club
Not a crafter.
Not a walker .
Looked up the local WI but their programme was dire - talks about bridges etc just don’t interest me
Stepkids are grown so no friendships through them
Dont want to do any more study .
Not religious
Not into singing

Now I know that that is a long list of negatives and I sound a right misery guts , but I promise you Im not. I just wanted to be upfront rather that saying no to everything people suggest. I would happily do some volunteering but its the same issue - what exactly?

Any thoughts gratefully accepted ( including being told to just try something !)

Coastal rowing is the thing that opened up my social life. It seems to appeal to people in their 50s and up and, in our case, takes five crew to get out. Many of our sessions involve a picnic on a nearby island. It's very social and not necessarily 'sporty' - although there are lots of regattas you can take part in or volunteer at. And then there's the views and wildlife to enjoy, particularly the seals who will often follow the boat.

I go to a Silent Book Club. Turn up half an hour early and grab a drink and say hello to folks if you want, read for an hour in companionable silence, after that you can stay and socialise, or head off home. There’s no communal book, you read what you want. It’s just a way of being slightly less introverted. Ours has meets in pubs, cafes, and over summer they went to a local farm and used their big bell tent. It’s a good low pressure way to meet people.

They are great because they have open nights where they teach new games.

I've made excellent new friends via sea swimming. Possibly a step too far though.

How about Bridge?? It's been in my "new hobby" list for years but I've not got there yet.

A local pub near me had an event where you took your own book. So you chatted to everyone for 30 mins and then read in peace! I didn't go but was interested in the idea. I imagine it might be a bit slower to make friends.

Toast Masters? I think this attracts introverts.

Can I ask what it is about a book group that puts you off? I think understanding what you don't want is as important as understanding what you do want.

I'm doing a pottery evening class.
My school art teacher told me that I was unteachable when I was 14.
Turns out he was wrong - I just born a (very) local Art competition.
I've move onto the intermediate Chas with some folk from the beginners group I was in, this seems to have cemented some friendships.

If they have a class in your area, how about Silver Swans? It's ballet for older learners focusing on mobility, posture and coordination. No previous dance experience required. It looks joyful.

https://www.royalacademyofdance.org/dance-with-us/silverswans/become-a-silver-swan/

Sorry I don't have time to read the whole thread, but my suggestion is to learn something - do a year's evening or part time course somewhere. I went back to college to retrain a few years ago and now do more top up training and I've met so many lovely people.

I had a horrific experience with a book group so sadly could never recommend it, even though I'm sure my experience was atypical!

How about aqua robics class

Fishing?

A creative writing class (as you like poetry)

@Gettingannoyednow I don’t fancy book clubs because I don’t really feel the need to analyse books. Im not interested in exploring themes etc…think its cos I did Eng Lit at Uni so Im a bit over it! I just like reading a book for pleasure.

Just to pick up on a few other suggestions. Sea swimming, coastal rowing really not for me . I have tried numerous times to learn to swim ( one instructor once told me I was born NOT to swim!!!)

I know I seem to be saying “no” to everything , but I think thats my point ..struggling to get engaged by the idea of something unless it’s solitary !

If I were to imagine the ideal scenario , it would be something like a weekly thing, where you had something to do with your hands but you could all be sat in a big group whilst you were doing it, chatting and there were refreshments so people didnt come in and dash off!

I’m a career academic in Eng Lit who sometimes goes to two local book clubs, and I can assure you that, at least at the four sessions I’ve attended over the past year or two (two different clubs, quite differently run, no overlap of attendees that I noticed), the conversation in no way resembled the kind of analysis you would get in a seminar in the English Department of a university.

@mediawatching I do agree with what you have said , but Im worried i will use that as an excuse to get out of my comfort zone and will be trapped in a rut. Im thinking of giving myself till Xmas and then in the New Year start looking for the things I might do but I thought I’d get my thinking cap on now in case classes get full etc.

I really do appreciate everyone’s suggestions and I promise Im not dismissing them ( well maybe the ukulele one!) . Im just being honest and sharing why Im in this predicament!

@Rerrin Ha! I didnt mean that it would, I just meant Im now at that stage where Ive read a book and happy to just think “ I enjoyed that”..or whatever.

Then I think you’re back to pottery, knitting/crochet, woodwork etc, but you say you’re not craft-minded? Someone suggested bridge? There’s a neighbourhood weekly mah-jong group around here, run by some neighbours who got addicted while living in China. Do you like film? There’s a fortnightly ciné club in my city where you watch old films and then there’s a chance to discuss them afterwards over a glass of wine. Various poetry writers’ groups.

How about calligraphy? Very absorbing and we tended to concentrate on our lettering during the class but have a coffee and a chat afterwards.

A bread-making class or similar might be nice but usually these are just one day so not ideal for making friends. There might be cookery classes that take place over a term though?

I wouldn't write off the WI as different branches vary widely. In our neighbouring village the members are mostly in their eighties and their activities are less energetic - they have a choir and do crafts mainly. In our village most women are in their 50s and 60s and we have a walking group, theatre outings, garden club, foodie group etc. Our speakers have included someone from the local women's prison, the doctor who founded UK-Med, Figen Murray, the mother of Martyn Hett, who was sadly killed in the Manchester terrorist attack .. you get the idea. And you join in as miuch or as little as you like. We don't sing Jerusalem either! So maybe look more widely at what's available?

Rotary Club? Theatre or opera (going to, not being in)?

One question is whether you want to make female friends, or want to socialise in a mixed group. There will be crossover but some hobbies are predominantly female.

I'm actually finding all these suggestions useful! I wonder in a way if you just have to pick a few that are most appealing and give it a go. Sometimes sitting and letting ideas percolate is good.

Another good way to look at is to do something for your mind, something for your body and something for your wellbeing.

I always think its good to have one thing purely for fun, not competitive or where there is a need to feel or be productive.

Is there a hedgehog rescue place? Volunteer and do things like this with it...https://www.environmentjob.co.uk/volunteering/102917-nhmp-hedgehog-spotter?from_alert=true