Like a challenge? Help me find a hobby where I can make friends..BUT…

[Sidebeforeself]

….I am an introvert! Im also a bit picky about interests so I’d appreciate any ideas people might have.

Context: I’d like one ( more would be even better!) friend that I could meet up with for a coffee etc . I do have friends but they all live quite far away and everything has to be arranged weeks in advance. I think the best way to meet people would be through developing a hobby, but Ive never been hobby -minded. My “ issues “ are

I don’t like sports of any kind ( already go to a gym )
Naturally drawn to stuff you can do on your own - reading, baking, puzzles etc
Dont fancy a book club
Not a crafter.
Not a walker .
Looked up the local WI but their programme was dire - talks about bridges etc just don’t interest me
Stepkids are grown so no friendships through them
Dont want to do any more study .
Not religious
Not into singing

Now I know that that is a long list of negatives and I sound a right misery guts , but I promise you Im not. I just wanted to be upfront rather that saying no to everything people suggest. I would happily do some volunteering but its the same issue - what exactly?

Any thoughts gratefully accepted ( including being told to just try something !)

I’ve taken up wild swimming with a group that swims in the sea where I live. It’s early days but the craic is good and the swimming is great.

I would also recommend volunteering. I started out at the commonwealth games and have since volunteered at many other sporting and non sporting events.

The vast majority of the volunteers are retired people and they have a great network and many social occasions.

This screams animals at me.

Horse riding
Riding for the disabled helping
Animal sanctuary

I would also think again about a book club. I set one up after covid to try and unite all the vulnerable people i shopped and did prescriptions for. We are now just a cuppa and a chat about what we are reading.

Look around your community. Parish or community council?

Join local Facebook pages. See what's out there.

We are a tiny village and the annual show is a HUGE task.

Speak to care homes. Many people don't have anyone visiting and that can be really rewarding albeit hard.

I think you are missing the point slightly.
You say you want a friend but can't think of any hobbies to meet said friend.
The hobby is merely a vehicle by which you make friends. When I relocated, I joined a walking group, not because I was passionate about trudging around the district but as a way of meeting people.

I would also second trying book clubs - add one to your other “meet a friend” list - they are often just a once a month commitment so not that tough time wise, other than committing to reading the book in between

Have a look at your local adult education classes (google online). I think these have reduced in number a lot due to cuts but it's worth looking to see what is available in your area. Mostly they will be evenings with a few in the day time. Enrolment was generally a couple of weeks back but there may be some classes which still have spaces.

You did say you may enjoy learning a language - I did a few classes in the summer term and really enjoyed it - quite a few people dropped out and those there were left were quite chatty at the end .

I'm probably in a similar situation to you - I retired last autumn. I have a few friends around to do things with and I've done some online classes but I keep looking at things like U3A/WI/FB meet up groups and thinking about - but not taken the plunge yet .

@JohnCravensNewsround I don’t think thats what I mean. I want a hobby for me that I enjoy but becuase I know you are more likely to make friends with people you share an interest with Im hoping to make a friend that way too. If I were to do something to meet people I’d want it to be something I enjoy ( or might enjoy too). But to me, theres no point doing something I already know I don’t like.

@FancyBiscuitsLevel Don’t fancy book clubs Im afraid. Love reading but not fussed for discussing books

I found a local meet up group on my local community Facebook page. It was mainly pub meeting, quiz nights etc

Yes, it gets problematic when you fall in love with all of them.

I don't have ideas op but i shamelessly bookmarking for ideas, really similar here, have friends but not local as I moved 4 years ago. I just want to meet a couple people who I can meet for coffee or a trip out periodically, dp is great at doing things I want to do but female company is different.

Family history. Get a basic tree together and then go to your nearest records office. You can mix as much or as little as you like each time you go. Whatever stage you're at you'll be able to ask others for local knowledge about certain locations, trades or records.

Painting/ drawing classes
Pottery classes
Roleplaying gaming and strategy tabletop games
( my extremely introverted DH has been doing this once every month or so to do this with the same group of friends for 40+ years 😂sometimes online, sometimes in person )

Learn a language
DIY skills classes ( some loca adult education colleges may offer these )

Another vote for bellringing. It’s part physical (learning to ring the bell), part mental (we ring in patterns which you gradually get to learn) and part social (nice chat in the tower and some bands chill out at the pub afterwards). Socially it’s very undemanding and there are plenty of introverts among us, but it’s a really nice community. Once you’ve learned the basics you can visit other towers too to try different bells - you always get a nice welcome.

Local adult education college will have short courses in things like

Confectionary and cake making
Woodworking
Sewing
Jewellery making

Maybe not a long term solution as most only last a set time but you can try new things and develop skills and maybe one will turn into a hobby or you might click with someone. I met one of my friends 30. years ago at a weekly salsa class . We stopped going after a few months but stayed friends

Strangely, adult swimming lessons have been the one place where I actually made friends with the other participants.

Not that there haven't been nice people at other activities that I've done, but often people seem to sign up with existing friends. Whereas swimming lessons I guess people come to on a more instrumental basis to learn / improve their swimming, often for a specific reason, so they don't tend to be at the class with someone they already know.

Lots of our local parks, woodland and green spaces have friends of committees that meet once a month or more - community gardens are also a great way of making friends.

There are a few women's circles that operate locally to me too.

You’ve ruled out so much, I think it would be easier for people to suggest things if you said what you do like, other than reading, baking and puzzles, so people get a sense of what you’re actually like as a human being.

Or maybe a better question would be what kind of people are you attracted to as potential friends?

I’ve made friends in recent years at art openings, beach litterpicking, writers’ groups, a drystone walling weekend workshop, and at small arts festivals — I was recently at one on a small island where lots of the attendees and speakers/performers were all on the same ferry over and back and drinking in the same (and only) pub. I met some great people. The kind of people I like tends to be artists, writers, musicians or people otherwise involved in the arts.

A friend who recently moved to a new town has made lots of friends just by talking to other dog owners, getting involved in local environmental groups, and sea swimming. I know you don’t swim, but if you fancy learning, sea-swimming groups seem very friendly and cool.

@Rerrin ..not sure how to answer that. I like people who are funny, warm, clever , kind…surely they can be found in all sorts of places?

I am interested in politics, space, oceanography, love a good TV murder mystery, love Victoria Wood, dabble in poetry, enjoy watching football and snooker on TV, like eating out….feels like a lonely hearts ad! It all reads like someone who is too solitary to me

Maybe the fact that you're just retiring is the key here really - maybe you're feeling a bit burned out and that's why you're having trouble being positive about new things? Perhaps it might be a good idea to plan to take six months or a year after retirement just to relax and focus on you and your health, and set a date to think about Doing Things after that?

But you don’t appear to have found any of these warm, clever, kind people locally, so it sounds as if you need to be more proactive. Get involved in your political party locally? Swimming sounds as if it would unlock a lot of pleasurable activities for you, if you’re near the coast and also interested in oceanography — would learning to dive interest you? Somewhere I know of offers coastal foraging sessions too. Local coastal conservation groups?

That sounds sensible.

Pottery. You don't need to be crafty. Just play with the clay until it starts to resemble something and you're good to go! I went last year and although we were in a group, we were all still individually doing our own thing, with plenty of space between us for elbow room! Leaves the option to walk away at the end or if you click with someone, ask casually if the nearest coffee shop is any good and take it from there.

How about chess? You say you like puzzles, games, mysteries ...
Chess has changed a lot in recent years. So don't let prejudice put you off. Chess has been used very successfully in social prescribing trials too.

You could try your local chess club. If that doesn't have the right vibe, check out the 'casual chess café' - if it's too far for you, they may be able to connect you to someone local who's simply interested in meeting once a week for a game.

In chess you can be as sociable as you like - or as introverted as feels comfortable.

And there are so many resources out there, if you want to improve. It can be very pleasing for yourself to slowly understand more and more of the game.

I'm tempted to try out a local silent book club. Sounds ideal 😆