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How would you split bills?

99 replies

Itstoodark · 19/09/2024 21:42

I'll try and be succinct.

Ben with partner 8 years. Rent a house, have. A 5 year old DC together.

He earns £100 an hour, works 10hours a week. Has hundreds of thousands in savings and will inherit around a million.

I work in NHS as a nurse, earning around £35k a year. Very minimal savings and no inheritance.

Partner wants me to increase my hours at work to full time but won't work more than 10 hours a week. Fair enough in a way as he earns enough. He does pay more towards bills than me but wants us to pay 50/50.
For me to do that I'd have absolutely nothing left a month and he'd have thousands over.

The only reason I wasn't working full time as I had our son and he'd rather I looked after him. Also, he said it made more sense for him to work 1 hour extra a week as he earns more in 1.5 hour than I'd earn in an 8 hour day.

However whenever I ask him to help around the house. He starts shouting at me to work more. However logistically it's hard as every other week he buggers off out Thursday and Friday, so I've no childcare. I also can't work late another work day as it's his Xbox evening. The other night I work until 7.30pm and I do an evening course.

The issue is in working almost full time whilst going a course (which means extra hours on coursework). I do absolutely everything in the house and am constantly picking up after him.

He takes our child to school but only because I leave early for work. I could potentially do both but he'd just stay in bed. He literally takes our son to school. Goes back to bed until 1pm when he does 2 hours work, then plays on phone or Xbox.

I come home from work and if I have a gap, I'm washing and ironing during work whilst he's in bed, then doing school run, shopping etc. He hates getting shopping, will only do it if I ask but then gets mad. Despite the fact I'm running around all day and working whilst he's home doing nothing! He's up every night until 2am then complains in the morning if our child is up before 8am because he's tired. I've tried explaining that it's not surprising because he goes to bed so late but apparently that's nothing to do with it. He works out if he goes to bed at 2am and wakes at 8 he'll get 6 hours sleep. However he apparently doesn't sleep well (which he knows. Yet continues late bedtimes).

I'm happy to work more but it's causing me huge resentment because I'm struggling to fit everything in.

OP posts:
DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 19/09/2024 21:43

The question is not how to split bills. That is not the issue here.

goldenshred · 19/09/2024 21:44

He's a wanker get rid hth x

Icanttakethisanymore · 19/09/2024 21:45

The bills are the least of your worries. This is not a partnership I’m afraid op.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

itsallbowlsbaby · 19/09/2024 21:45

The only split you need to concern yourself with is splitting up with this absolute abomination of a human.

whatshalliday · 19/09/2024 21:45

Jesus what a wanker. And what does he do that earns £100 an hour? (Asking for a friend)

I'd seriously consider a split, claim maintenance and hope your child also inherits some money one day.

Ponderingwindow · 19/09/2024 21:48

Please be a windup. Please be a windup.

how would I split bills? I would manage my household with what he paid me via CMS.

if you won’t leave, then I would pay no more than what is reasonable for your income towards the joint living expenses. That means you have savings and fun money left over. If he wants 50:50, you all can move to a 1 bedroom flat and eat beans on toast.

He can also do all the childcare and housework on his non-working days

Aquamarine1029 · 19/09/2024 21:50

Op, come on now. What the fuck are you doing? Honestly.

Stop being a passenger in your own life.

Itstoodark · 19/09/2024 21:52

The difficulty in this situation; what is equal?

He commands respect because he pays more. On one hand I think it's fair enough he only works 10 hours, as he earns enough to pay more bills than I do. However i'm running around doing everything and will never earn near enough. Is he right being annoyed that I'm not working more to pay half?
In addition my car broke down and I've had to take out a loan to buy one!

OP posts:
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 19/09/2024 21:53

Proportionally. So if you earn 25% of your combined income you pay 25% of the bills

TheRavenSaid · 19/09/2024 21:53

Itstoodark · 19/09/2024 21:52

The difficulty in this situation; what is equal?

He commands respect because he pays more. On one hand I think it's fair enough he only works 10 hours, as he earns enough to pay more bills than I do. However i'm running around doing everything and will never earn near enough. Is he right being annoyed that I'm not working more to pay half?
In addition my car broke down and I've had to take out a loan to buy one!

He does pay more towards bills than me but wants us to pay 50/50.

And why are you with him

He commands respect because he pays more.

Fuck off does he, he is an abusive arsehole

..

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 19/09/2024 21:53

Are you married to this man?

Itstoodark · 19/09/2024 21:56

I honestly don't know anymore what is reasonable because he gets so cross with me. He never wanted me to work more until I found out he'd cheated previously and he's not happy I don't "respect" him. I should apparently be grateful.

I mean I am grateful he pays more but I'm working 3x as many hours whilst studying, doing everything in the house. Obviously all the chds homework, general school stuff falls to me and in school hols I tend to go out with our child. He then stays in bed, spends a while in the bathroom then plays Xbox.
If I ask him to come out with us in the holidays he says he can't because he's working. If I say "yes but you start at 3.30pm...for 2 hours" he gets angry and usually replies with "what part of I'm working do you not understand".

OP posts:
whatshalliday · 19/09/2024 21:57

Honestly this man could work 5 extra hours a week and pay all the bills for you both and your child. And you still be working 20 more hours a week than he does. This relationship sounds dreadful.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/09/2024 21:57

There is no way he would ever marry her. Not a chance. Why would he? He gets everything he wants with absolutely zero commitment or obligation.

The op is allowing herself to be his doormat.

Changeyourfuckingcar · 19/09/2024 21:58

Oh fuck this guy, this is absolutely not a partnership!! He has the ability to earn significantly more money with a minimal increase in hours but he’d rather shout at and abuse his wife who’s already working herself into the ground?! Seriously, what the fuck?

TheRavenSaid · 19/09/2024 21:58

FOR FUCKS SAKE!! DUMP HIM

He is not your partner

Itstoodark · 19/09/2024 21:58

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 19/09/2024 21:53

Proportionally. So if you earn 25% of your combined income you pay 25% of the bills

This is what I would consider reasonable. However what would you do in our situation?
He earns a lot more but is choosing to only work 10 hours. So although he earns 5x more than me and hour, his yearly salary wouldn't be hugely more than mine because he chooses not to work more.

OP posts:
Itstoodark · 19/09/2024 21:59

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 19/09/2024 21:53

Are you married to this man?

Of course not. He's not that stupid (obviously he always said he'd marry me but it won't happen).

OP posts:
DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 19/09/2024 21:59

Itstoodark · 19/09/2024 21:56

I honestly don't know anymore what is reasonable because he gets so cross with me. He never wanted me to work more until I found out he'd cheated previously and he's not happy I don't "respect" him. I should apparently be grateful.

I mean I am grateful he pays more but I'm working 3x as many hours whilst studying, doing everything in the house. Obviously all the chds homework, general school stuff falls to me and in school hols I tend to go out with our child. He then stays in bed, spends a while in the bathroom then plays Xbox.
If I ask him to come out with us in the holidays he says he can't because he's working. If I say "yes but you start at 3.30pm...for 2 hours" he gets angry and usually replies with "what part of I'm working do you not understand".

This gets worse and worse.

I (really genuinely) don't mean to be rude, but each post makes this sound more and more like a windup. He's cheated on you as well??

Itstoodark · 19/09/2024 22:01

I promise that I am 100% genuine. Honestly there is so much more to it. However this issue is something I wanted advice on because I don't know what's normal anymore.

OP posts:
Bluevelvetsofa · 19/09/2024 22:02

It isn’t a question of who earns more, but of who is working more and that’s you.

He’s idle and controlling and unkind and you need to get rid.

Mum2jenny · 19/09/2024 22:04

He is not a supportive partner, get rid!

Summerhillsquare · 19/09/2024 22:06

Itstoodark · 19/09/2024 21:59

Of course not. He's not that stupid (obviously he always said he'd marry me but it won't happen).

So, you DO know what is going on.

I'm curious, how do these things start? The first time he shouted at you, asked you to pay, accepted your domestic labour but didn't reciprocate, what did you do?

Dweetfidilove · 19/09/2024 22:08

Thank God for the decent, responsible men around me, because MN would kill my hope.

OP, how likely is he to quit his job if you leave him? I couldn't be dealing with a miserly, abusive cheat. Child support seems far more attractive. In fact, I'd choose to have less of everything than tolerate this shit.

Doggymummar · 19/09/2024 22:11

He only earns £1000 a week, £660 ISH after tax. I imagine you already earn more than him. So 50/50 seems fair. How will he have so much more left over than you? That can't be the case on that salary. I appreciate if he did more hours then he would have more but he doesn't.