Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Did I do the right thing? Found a lost toddler

230 replies

reallifeboogie · 18/09/2024 13:33

So I kept her. Haha. No not really. Obviously.

Took my mum for breakfast at dobbies garden centre. Attached to the restaurant is a massive soft play.
Restaurant fairly busy at 10am this morning. Lots of mums and toddlers going into the soft play.
I then notice a little girl, no more than 2.5, wandering around the restaurant with no shoes and socks on. I watch for a couple of minutes and realise she's not with any of the customers in the restaurant so presume her parent(s) are in the soft play.
I got up and tried to ask where mummy was but she was too little to understand and kept pointing towards a table with people eating. I asked them if she was with them and no she wasn't.

Couldn't see any restaurant staff so I took the little girl by the hand and took her into the soft play.

Lots of parents sitting around tables there but nobody seemed to know who the child belonged to.

So I wasn't sure what to do. At this point the girl started to cry so I picked her up and told her we would find mummy.

At this point a very angry woman stormed up to me asking me what I was doing with the child. I explained and asked if she was mum. She said no... she was the girls childminder and had taken another child to the toilet, which is out of the soft play and restaurant area and in the main garden centre. Childminder shouted that I shouldn't have picked the child up and that she thought I was kidnapping her. Apparently I should have just left her to wander around.

It must have been 10 minutes in total from first spotting the child to handing the child back.

Did I do the right thing picking the child up??

OP posts:
Dogsbreath7 · 19/09/2024 18:01

Given the way she behaved you should have told her to get staff involved. Realistically if she wasn’t calling her mummy how do you know if she is the childminder. It’s a shame. Because the parents have a right to know what sh*t childminder she is. She should have taken the child with her to the toilets.

laraitopbanana · 19/09/2024 18:04

She what?

would have asked her credential. Then post a complaint about her. And she is paid to leave the girl without surveillance.

charlieinthehaystack · 19/09/2024 18:06

If the loo was away from soft play she should have taken both children with her not left the young one alone. you did not do wrong I would have done the same shame you do not know the parents think they need a new child minder

Beautifulweeds · 19/09/2024 18:10

Of course you did the right thing and the CM was being over reactive because she was responsible for leaving a toddler on their own!

WandaFishy99 · 19/09/2024 18:11

You did the right thing, without any doubt whatsoever. A very kind thing. I think it would have been very different if it was one of the parents she'd become separated from, instead of the snotty childminder.

Jumpers4goalposts · 19/09/2024 18:12

I would be posting the story on a local Facebook page describing the childminder. As a parent I would want to know if the childminder I was paying to look after my child was leaving my toddler unattended in a soft play.

Wimwims · 19/09/2024 18:14

Don't worry about it OP. What you did was good.

Perhaps with hindsight, had you had time to really think, you could have not picked her up or could have got a member or staff.

If you're posting because you genuinely are wondering what to do if it happens again then fair enough. If you're posting because you're worrying and feeling bad about it then please don't.

At the end of the day your instinct was to comfort and help. The person angry at you was a person who evidently has very bad judgement and is a danger to the children in her care.

Was carrying the child the very best course of action? Perhaps not but it wasn't that far off.

That childminder should be feeling very relieved that the person to find the child she abandoned was a nice mum who wanted to help her and not somebody else.

Mandaxx25 · 19/09/2024 18:14

Of course you did and this total fuckwit should have been extremely grateful for you. I would have asked her name and reported her to social services. She shouldn't be in charge of children. Imagine if it wasn't you that found that precious baby and her parents are trusting this woman to look after her.

pollymere · 19/09/2024 18:15

I'd have been asking for details of the actual parent to tell them that the Childminder left their child unaccompanied in Soft Play and you found them wandering around the Garden Centre! That's truly shocking. There is part of me that wouldn't have handed over the kid to someone that irresponsible but asked the Garden Centre to ring the Police, Social Services or the Safeguarding hotline. You could've taken details and given them to the latter...

Miniopolis · 19/09/2024 18:18

It’s a good point actually, the child had been wandering around for ten minutes unsupervised, she should have had to prove to you that she was the child’s carer at that point vs any random person. There are brilliant child minders but also unfortunately quite a few like this. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had been sat with her childminder friends having a coffee, versus taking another child to the toilet. Like I said, there are mostly brilliant ones, but I know I have seen the second variety a few times.

canwestopwiththenameshaming · 19/09/2024 18:21

DoTheDinosaurStomp · 18/09/2024 16:33

The childminder is bloody lucky that it was you who approached the little girl and not someone with other intentions.

I'd be very tempted if there was a city/community facebook page to put up a post outlining the experience, rough description of the little girl ie what she was wearing etc and where you were with the hopes that the parents see the post. I'd be utterly horrified if the childminder left my toddler unattended in a public place.

This is exactly what I would be doing too. Get it known on your local Facebook groups if possible OP. I would want to know if it were my child and I'm sure the little girl's mum would rather know too. Especially as her child is clearly too young to tell her herself from what you've said. And no you didn't do anything wrong. Yes maybe best to not have picked her up but I can see why you did it and I'd have most likely done the same thing myself. Very glad you were there and cared enough to intervene!

itzthTtimeGib · 19/09/2024 18:48

Aaaaand this is exactly why I don’t use a childminder. I would have reported her straight away. You absolutely did the right thing and if that had been my child, I would be forever grateful to you for looking out for her.

Truthseeker456 · 19/09/2024 19:22

Can you post details of where this occured so that the parents konow this is outrageous

joolsella · 19/09/2024 19:37

What? You don't leave a 2 year old alone at soft play

The childminder was probably embarrassed at being caught out

Judgedontbudge · 19/09/2024 19:52

She was probably deeply embarrassed and feeling guilty inside and so, by human nature, to ease herself of those feelings which we’re making g her feel shameful, she passed the blame and fault to you which lifted her shame- but only to her internally. Boy, that was deep, maaan!

Yourcatisnotsorry · 19/09/2024 19:54

Absolutely the right thing and thank you on behalf of parents everywhere. I’d be tempted to post on a local group about your experience. If this was my child with this ‘minder’ I would absolutely want to know.

Alifemoreordinary123 · 19/09/2024 20:21

That’s awful OP, chills my blood. would have picked her up too, though appreciate that’s probably not the best idea. The CM is completely in the wrong and needs reporting. I don’t leave my 4 year old without proper supervision, even to take his sister to the toilet.

Owl55 · 19/09/2024 20:39

You did the right thing , if someone had stopped and intervened James Bulger may be alive today . Now I always think better safe than sorry even if questioned later .

RichinVitaminR · 19/09/2024 20:40

OP, you did the right thing

and I think this thread has put me off using childminders ever for my 13 month old. Oh my god

JoBrandsCleaner · 19/09/2024 20:53

She felt stupid because you’ve shown her that she wasn’t looking after a tiny child properly. She actually could have been abducted or had an accident or something. I would have done the same and you should still do the same again. People can’t let children be unsafe for worrying what people think.

PoachesPeaches · 19/09/2024 20:59

Awful childminder. I remember losing my mum in Tescos around aged 6 and that was bad enough!

AccountDeleted · 19/09/2024 21:28

You did the right thing. The childminder was probably angry with you because you caught her being negligent. If that was my child I would be furious that she had been left alone in a public place. The childminder is very very wrong here.

Dibbydoos · 19/09/2024 21:35

The childminder should have taken them both with her. This is on her not you wtaf.

Well done for spotting her and giving her some comfort x

HammerTimeNC · 19/09/2024 22:24

I once lost sight of my only child in a soft play, and found her near the restaurant.

I was shaking with fear.

Ukrainebaby23 · 19/09/2024 22:29

There was nothing to stop the child walking out of the store or being grabbed. You did the right thing