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Original poster

Did I do the right thing? Found a lost toddler

230 replies

reallifeboogie · 18/09/2024 13:33

So I kept her. Haha. No not really. Obviously.

Took my mum for breakfast at dobbies garden centre. Attached to the restaurant is a massive soft play.
Restaurant fairly busy at 10am this morning. Lots of mums and toddlers going into the soft play.
I then notice a little girl, no more than 2.5, wandering around the restaurant with no shoes and socks on. I watch for a couple of minutes and realise she's not with any of the customers in the restaurant so presume her parent(s) are in the soft play.
I got up and tried to ask where mummy was but she was too little to understand and kept pointing towards a table with people eating. I asked them if she was with them and no she wasn't.

Couldn't see any restaurant staff so I took the little girl by the hand and took her into the soft play.

Lots of parents sitting around tables there but nobody seemed to know who the child belonged to.

So I wasn't sure what to do. At this point the girl started to cry so I picked her up and told her we would find mummy.

At this point a very angry woman stormed up to me asking me what I was doing with the child. I explained and asked if she was mum. She said no... she was the girls childminder and had taken another child to the toilet, which is out of the soft play and restaurant area and in the main garden centre. Childminder shouted that I shouldn't have picked the child up and that she thought I was kidnapping her. Apparently I should have just left her to wander around.

It must have been 10 minutes in total from first spotting the child to handing the child back.

Did I do the right thing picking the child up??

OP posts:
Just4thisthreadtoday · 18/09/2024 16:45

@reallifeboogie

you did the right thing.

I knew the thread would be full of 'you shouldn't have picked her up' but if she had wanted to be picked up, I would have picked her up. I care more about the distressed child than 'what any one thinks'🤷🏻‍♀️

Debtfreegoals · 18/09/2024 16:51

You did the right thing, she’s angry at you because she knows she’s been caught.

desperatedaysareover · 18/09/2024 17:19

Personally I'd 100 times rather have found my 3 y.o getting carried about by a woman who cared enough to notice she was wandering about unsupervised in fucking public! People react badly when they know they're at fault, she's an irresponsible clown, don't worry about your part in it. On lifting - on the two occasions I've encountered a lost child I've said let's see if we can find someone to help and stood where I was trying to get others to help so I couldn't be accused of abducting them myself. It's paranoid madness when you think about it, but apparently is the world we live in, and it can feel like no good deed goes unpunished. It's the same with pushing an unaccompanied child on the swings when they ask you, or patting a hurt child who's skint their knee or whatever. 'What should I do.' Totally natural maternal instinct to do what you'd do for your own but now so many people are like ooooh but you mustn't touch a kid. Wonder what her parents would have had to say about the person they literally pay to mind her!

KlaraSundown · 18/09/2024 17:26

modgepodge · 18/09/2024 13:37

I’d have got the name of the childminder to make sure I and no one I know ever trusted her with our kids!! She was worried you were kidnapping her? She actually could have been bloody kidnapped in that time. She is completely unreasonable. You did the right thing OP.

This! She was wrong to leave the child and wrong to snap at you!

Balletdreamer · 18/09/2024 17:27

distractmeagain · 18/09/2024 13:42

the only thing different i would have done is handed the child back so willingly.. how did you know this person was infact the childminder? they could have been anyone... i'd have waited for police to turn up to be honest, so that they can get all this persons details and put in any safeguarding referrals.

Yes agree with this. I was once in town and saw a toddler wandering about. Nobody paying any attention. I waited for a bit, lady next to me started saying what shall we do etc. as we went to approach the child, a man appeared and scoped him up. I was relieved and walked off and only thought afterwards that man could have been anyone. Drives me nuts when people are laid back about this stuff.

Ttcagainnow · 18/09/2024 17:29

As a nanny, I always take all my children with me if one needs the loo, unless of course I'm with another trusted person who they are familiar with. I would have taken her details and reported her.

Lemonadeand · 18/09/2024 17:43

Terrible for the childminder to leave a 2 year old. I wish you had some way of letting the parents know.

stonedaisy · 18/09/2024 17:48

Yes you did and that childminder is dodgy as hell. What a shame you can't notify the parents.

If she goes to the bathroom with one she takes all. Especially that age.
What a tool she is.
Well done you x

stonedaisy · 18/09/2024 17:51

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 18/09/2024 13:45

How do you know this "childminder" was any such thing?

The correct thing to do would be to turn the child in to the nearest police station. If nobody comes forward to claim her in 30 days, I believe you can then keep her.

No. Putting the child in a car and driving her to a police station would not have been the right course of action would it. Think about properly for a minute - would the OP have an age appropriate car seat - probably not.
And taking her away from the place she was found would definitely not be a good idea.
If there was real concern perhaps call 111 non emergency police but even that would be excessive in these circumstances

Anisty · 18/09/2024 17:56

The only thing you haven't yet done right is to report this (guessing you're Scotland?) Care inspectorate based at Compass House dundee for scotland.

Ofsted for England.

I am a childminder. I would never, ever leave a child in this situation. To be yelling at you compounds it.

Even without her name, they might be able to trace her. This is not a good standard of childminding at all.

Although she might well be illegal and unregistered. Many are. And that brings childminding into disrepute.

Inspectorate want to know about illegal minders too.

Nanny0gg · 18/09/2024 18:03

Alondra · 18/09/2024 16:01

Because is a little child, and little children love affection when they feel lost?

You are not a parent, are you?

Edited
Show quote history

I'm a mother and a grandmother and I worked with children for more than 20 years

I might hug but I wouldn't kiss

SunQueen24 · 18/09/2024 18:09

Been thinking about this scenario - at my gym they have kids clubs. It’s a members only gym and the kids clubs are in a room off the restaurant/bar area and tennis courts. So secure and enclosed.

They are so strict on ratios that if one child needs the loo the entire group are taken at once. Despite there being two members of staff per group of around 16 children, they will not ever go over ratio. One leader leads from the front and another at the back and the kids are like a chain gang.

Now look at what that childminder did with the child in the OP.

Grammarnut · 18/09/2024 18:13

Peonies12 · 18/09/2024 15:24

I wouldn't have picked up a child, I would have called a staff member over instead, but stayed next to the child.

There wasn't one, so she couldn't. Ok to pick child up - stopped her wandering off while OP did find someone responsible. Could equally have held her hand, I daresay. I am reminded of the dreadful story, some years ago, of a lorry driver who saw a toddler on the road. He knew he should stop and do something but he dared not. The child drowned in a nearby pond before anything could be done.

NewYearNewJob2024 · 18/09/2024 18:31

You did the right thing OP. And picking her up - I think it's instinct sometimes as can be the best way to comfort a little one!

anyolddinosaur · 18/09/2024 19:42

Sadly while I would always pick up a distressed child - OP had already plenty of people who could testify she had been and still was looking for the parents - my husband could not do this because of how it would be perceived. So he'd have to call the police and report a child in danger.

Thevelvelletes · 18/09/2024 19:44

reallifeboogie · 18/09/2024 13:33

So I kept her. Haha. No not really. Obviously.

Took my mum for breakfast at dobbies garden centre. Attached to the restaurant is a massive soft play.
Restaurant fairly busy at 10am this morning. Lots of mums and toddlers going into the soft play.
I then notice a little girl, no more than 2.5, wandering around the restaurant with no shoes and socks on. I watch for a couple of minutes and realise she's not with any of the customers in the restaurant so presume her parent(s) are in the soft play.
I got up and tried to ask where mummy was but she was too little to understand and kept pointing towards a table with people eating. I asked them if she was with them and no she wasn't.

Couldn't see any restaurant staff so I took the little girl by the hand and took her into the soft play.

Lots of parents sitting around tables there but nobody seemed to know who the child belonged to.

So I wasn't sure what to do. At this point the girl started to cry so I picked her up and told her we would find mummy.

At this point a very angry woman stormed up to me asking me what I was doing with the child. I explained and asked if she was mum. She said no... she was the girls childminder and had taken another child to the toilet, which is out of the soft play and restaurant area and in the main garden centre. Childminder shouted that I shouldn't have picked the child up and that she thought I was kidnapping her. Apparently I should have just left her to wander around.

It must have been 10 minutes in total from first spotting the child to handing the child back.

Did I do the right thing picking the child up??

Yes .. child minder fucked up big time.

Thevelvelletes · 18/09/2024 19:46

anyolddinosaur · 18/09/2024 19:42

Sadly while I would always pick up a distressed child - OP had already plenty of people who could testify she had been and still was looking for the parents - my husband could not do this because of how it would be perceived. So he'd have to call the police and report a child in danger.

I've came across this before and ask for a woman's intervention as how it might be construed by onlookers having a male interacting with a lost child.

mondaytosunday · 18/09/2024 20:20

I would have taken the child to a staff member - if you were in the cafe there must have been someone - even if you had to call in the kitchen. I would not have wandered around with her unless taking her to another employee.

Original poster
reallifeboogie · 18/09/2024 20:31

Oh goodness I wasn't expecting so many replies!!

OP posts:
BogRollBOGOF · 18/09/2024 23:59

In the summer I temporarily aquired a small child near the toilets of a busy service station. My first thought was that's where she'd come from as I'd been looking at tourist leaflets while waiting for DS. We waited for a few minutes for a frantic parent to appear, but nada. She was too young to get much coherent sense out of. I guided her to the food counter around the corner to alert the staff. The most I got from her was that she had a sibling on the play area, but I didn't want to take her outside. After a few more minutes she drifted off and I followed her again. She went back past the toilets and continued on to the café seating and then found her family who hadn't seemed to register her absence at all! Pretty scary in a busy place where she could potentially have been put in a vehicle and driven off up the motorway within that time frame.

My instinct was to try to keep her where she was for parents to find.
Then to find staff.
It helped a bit that my own child was with me.
I kept the conversation loud so my intentions were clear.
I would only have touched to prevent direct harm- I'm used to avoiding touching other peoples' children in other settings.

It's very concerning that a childminder has dropped the ball so badly in supervising young children in a public place.

RedRobyn2021 · 19/09/2024 05:23

At the park a few weeks ago I saw a little boy wondering around, he couldn't have been older than 2 and it's a big park, his childminder wasn't even watching him.

This sort of thing is why I wouldn't trust anyone to look after my until she could talk properly, was toilet trained and no longer needed a nap. She goes to preschool now which she loves, but I'll be doing the same with my next daughter.

My mum thinks I'm mad to be so overprotective, but I don't think I am, it's a huge thing to trust another person with your baby.

I also saw a little boy of around 2 climbing a tree at a local old hall/house with two siblings /friends/cousins, trying to get him to come down, no parents in sight and it wasn't a strong tree so I stayed and watched him concerned. He ended up hanging off it crying, so I went over and helped him get down. Could have been a lot worse.

There are so many negligent care workers and parents it is unreal.

Miniopolis · 19/09/2024 05:30

I would bet a lot of money that she doesn’t share with the child’s parents this ‘attempted kidnapping.’ Because there’s no good explanation that she could possibly have that doesn’t cast her in a terrible light.

Thevelvelletes · 19/09/2024 05:51

Said child minder will be saying the sum of eff all to the parents because she fucked up big time.

winter8090 · 19/09/2024 06:26

Your intentions were kind and well meant.

I think you did the right thing.

It's sad that we live in an era where innocent actions to help can be judged as inappropriate.

Leaving a 2.5 year old unsupervised for 10 minutes is not right. I hope you told the "childminder" you found said child wondering around the restaurant barefooted.

Jorge14 · 19/09/2024 17:57

Yes you did & it’s appalling she was left on her own by the childminder. What a shame you can’t let her parents know.