Did I do the right thing? Found a lost toddler

[reallifeboogie]

So I kept her. Haha. No not really. Obviously.

Took my mum for breakfast at dobbies garden centre. Attached to the restaurant is a massive soft play.
Restaurant fairly busy at 10am this morning. Lots of mums and toddlers going into the soft play.
I then notice a little girl, no more than 2.5, wandering around the restaurant with no shoes and socks on. I watch for a couple of minutes and realise she's not with any of the customers in the restaurant so presume her parent(s) are in the soft play.
I got up and tried to ask where mummy was but she was too little to understand and kept pointing towards a table with people eating. I asked them if she was with them and no she wasn't.

Couldn't see any restaurant staff so I took the little girl by the hand and took her into the soft play.

Lots of parents sitting around tables there but nobody seemed to know who the child belonged to.

So I wasn't sure what to do. At this point the girl started to cry so I picked her up and told her we would find mummy.

At this point a very angry woman stormed up to me asking me what I was doing with the child. I explained and asked if she was mum. She said no... she was the girls childminder and had taken another child to the toilet, which is out of the soft play and restaurant area and in the main garden centre. Childminder shouted that I shouldn't have picked the child up and that she thought I was kidnapping her. Apparently I should have just left her to wander around.

It must have been 10 minutes in total from first spotting the child to handing the child back.

Did I do the right thing picking the child up??

A 3 year old isn't a toddler.

And both one of my nephews' and my DD used to do exactly what that boy did. My nephew infuriated me at the time but then I found out he did a lot worse with his parents e.g. get lost, attempt to get on buses. My nephew is now in his 20s.

Incidentally it was a 6 year old I used to babysit who had absolutely no road awareness who would walk into the road so could never be allowed to go ahead. There as her younger sibling, who was 3, could safely be asked to do it but wasn't. Other people who worked with similarly aged children for a living were surprised when they walked with them.

You did the right thing! Ludicrous behaviour from the childminder. You could have kidnapped the child. That's the whole point.

You did the right thing. The childminder is way wrong.

Yes, you did the right thing. (Obviously just a shame her details weren't taken to be reported appropriately!) Childminder verbally attacked you as she knew she was in the wrong. Hopefully she's had a fright and will take better care of her charges in the future.
I saw a young child wandering around in an IKEA restaurant years ago, clearly distressed. No adult about. I picked her up and just stood with her, so she was easier to spot. She was claimed and no issues.
Whenever I spot a child without an obvious adult, I always keep a bit of an eye out - so instinctive.

Childminders are self employed.

If they know they have children who has a habit of wandering off/running off they either make sure they go out with another childminder to places e.g. soft play, or ensure they have less then the number of children they can legally have when going out so they can keep an eye on the wanderer.

I probably wouldn't have picked the child up BUT that's easy for me to say because I have a feeling my natural instinct would be to give them a hug and I might have followed instinct without a second thought.

I once found a little boy probably 3 or 4 in the city centre on a Saturday just before Christmas - so you can imagine how crowded it was. I took him by the hand so I wouldn't lose him too IYSWIM Fortunately there were a couple of police officers nearby I was able to hand him over and feel I'd done the right thing but he was so upset that I might well have picked him up after a bit.

You did the right thing OP. It's amazing how many people ignore a lost child

Ungrateful woman!

I would have asked someone to go and get a member of staff while I stood in the restaurant with her though.

If I were you I’d do everything possible to find out who the childminder is (ask around, look on social media, check local council sites etc) and report her to OFSTED and maybe even the police/social services I dunno but it needs reporting!! It’s an absolute disgrace that she was left in the soft play alone, she could have come to some serious harm!

In terms of what you did I personally wouldn’t have taken her around asking if she belonged to anyone, I’d have taken her straight to the store manager and asked them to make an announcement and made sure the incident was logged/police contacted.

I would post all over local Facebook groups in the hope that the parent sees it and removes their children from the care of this woman.

Childminder shouted that I shouldn't have picked the child up and that she thought I was kidnapping her. Apparently I should have just left her to wander around.

If she was worried about you kidnapping or harming the child then why did she leave her on her own in public?

It is also not safe to leave a child wandering round in a place people carry hot drinks and food i.e. the restaurant.

Next time though find a member of shop staff to take the child too and ask for the manager. Alerting the manager would be the only way of stopping the childminder using their facilities again.

You absolutely did the right thing. The childminder was very reckless. I would consider putting a message on your local FB or Nextdoor page describing the incident and child, and ask for her parents to get in touch with you.

I once noticed a toddler wandering alone around a busy theme park. I was with my own small DC but I had no choice to look around for the parents. After a long 10 or 15 minutes, I finally reunited the child, who was now in tears, with his mum. She was just stood in the queue for a ride and happily chit chatting with another mum as if she hadn't even noticed he had gone. She actually smirked at me when the kid returned. I do wonder why some people have kids.

I agree that you did the right thing. Picking up the distressed child was not a sign of you potentially kidnapping her - this could have been done just as easily leading her by the hand anyway. The childminder was clearly panicked and realised she had done the wrong thing. She was bloody lucky that you were there! Goodness knows what might have happened.

You did the right thing, but after 5 minutes I'd have found a member of staff.

They still need to keep track of the children if they are self employed. Small children wander off but a good child minder will have an eye on them.

A toddler looking lost and being picked up by a parent because he/she looks lost, it's still their problem for not keeping an eye on them.

What Hollietree said.

It’s a major safeguarding fail on her part. And to be honest, if she cannot see that she should not be childminding.

Safeguarding is EVERYONE’s responsibility

Picking a lost child up allows them to see further and therefore possibly see parents, or in this case childminder.

Childminder knew she was in the wrong and was trying to make herself look better.

Maybe you should have read the rest of my post instead of the first line as you just ended up putting the rest of what I wrote in your own words.

Any parent or carer shouting at an adult who found a small child in their care doesn't make themselves look better.

In fact they make themselves look worse as people will want to know why they are shouting.

(BTW I'm agreeing with you.)

Toddlers are age 1-3

it is massively unsafe. Small children can be given a bit of freedom in a safe contained area but certainly not on a main road. Crazy that you think that is acceptable.

Of course the childminder was angry at you, she's been caught out not doing her job properly and putting the child at risk. You did the right thing OP.

You definitely did the right thing. Childminder should have taken both children with her.
If I found out she'd left my toddler alone like that I wouldn't use her again

Apologies if this has already been suggested, but I would put a post on the main local Facebook page (where the garden centre was), and put enough information so that the parents can work out if it was their childminder and their child. (i.e ‘was your young child with a childminder at Dobbies in X today? I found a young child wondering around on her own in the restaurant’ etc etc, then go on to describe the behaviour of the CM).

If that was my child, I would definitely want to know.

Well said!

Op, I think in your place I would have asked the cafe staff to make enquiries and look after the child in the meantime.

However you did nothing wrong and the childminder is a prat.

YANBU.

Actually I realise this is just in chat, but anyway YANBU.

That woman was massively in the wrong, she knows it and she's trying to deflect her lack of due care and attention by making you feel like the one in the wrong.

Thank goodness you weren't a kidnapper. Although in your shoes I'd have hesitated to pick the little girl up, for the exact reason that you discovered. It's a shame we have to think like that rather than do what we can to comfort a child, but any physical contact is so easily misconstrued or misenterpreted these days, it's a minefield trying to decide the right course of action in these situations.

The parents of the child need to know about this. Stories like this are why i never used a childminder.