Did I do the right thing? Found a lost toddler

[reallifeboogie]

So I kept her. Haha. No not really. Obviously.

Took my mum for breakfast at dobbies garden centre. Attached to the restaurant is a massive soft play.
Restaurant fairly busy at 10am this morning. Lots of mums and toddlers going into the soft play.
I then notice a little girl, no more than 2.5, wandering around the restaurant with no shoes and socks on. I watch for a couple of minutes and realise she's not with any of the customers in the restaurant so presume her parent(s) are in the soft play.
I got up and tried to ask where mummy was but she was too little to understand and kept pointing towards a table with people eating. I asked them if she was with them and no she wasn't.

Couldn't see any restaurant staff so I took the little girl by the hand and took her into the soft play.

Lots of parents sitting around tables there but nobody seemed to know who the child belonged to.

So I wasn't sure what to do. At this point the girl started to cry so I picked her up and told her we would find mummy.

At this point a very angry woman stormed up to me asking me what I was doing with the child. I explained and asked if she was mum. She said no... she was the girls childminder and had taken another child to the toilet, which is out of the soft play and restaurant area and in the main garden centre. Childminder shouted that I shouldn't have picked the child up and that she thought I was kidnapping her. Apparently I should have just left her to wander around.

It must have been 10 minutes in total from first spotting the child to handing the child back.

Did I do the right thing picking the child up??

The childminder was completely in the wrong. She shouldn’t have left the child she should have taken both with her. She then projected onto you. I would be tempted to look up local childminders and see if you could track her down I bet her parents wouldn’t be impressed.

If you know who the childminder is I would be reporting her ASAP. This is so absolutely negligent.

No I don’t think you did actually. I would have just crouched down next to her and talked to her until person responsible found her. You didn’t need to pick her up.

You did the right thing. The childminder was in the wrong and knew it.

In future, to protect yourself, I would, as another poster mentioned, make sure people in the vicinity knew the issue and would have leaned/crouched down to comfort her rather than physically picking her up, given there was no immediate danger of falling in water etc.

But how chilling to think a childminder would think that was ok.

You absolutely were not in the wrong.

I probably would have acted a little differently - I would not have moved the child from where she was, and I would have got a staff member (whether that involved shouting over to someone or asking another member of the public for help). But that doesn’t mean you were in the wrong, she was.

Id also be tempted to have a firm word with the manager on duty, there ought to be staff around the soft play area, even if children are under the supervision of their parents.

You absolutely did the right thing. I found a barefoot toddler (2 years ish) walking around a busy road junction a few weeks ago. Picked her up and knocked on several house doors. Found her mum at home about 5 mins walk away who hadn’t even realised her daughter had escaped out of the house. Still shudder when I think about what could have happened.

At my place of work we ring the police. You don't know who you are really handing them over to, and the police can make sure it's the right person.

You did the right thing, seeing a small child alone and lost.

The childminder should have kept an eye on the children under her responsibility. You should have asked for her name and the contact number for her employer.

Bloody hell. I’d be very tempted not to had her back unless the negligent child minder gave you verifiable contact details so you could tell the parent. That’s totally unacceptable.

I was going to say the same. Also if the child had panicked at being picked up by a stranger then that would not have helped. But hindsight is a wonderful thing and better to make one (small) error than do nothing.

My husband spotted a little girl on her own and walking out towards the car park in Asda. He would not go near her but pointed her out to me. I held her hand and said that we would find her mum. It was crowded so I asked her if I could pick her up so that she could see better and she agreed. I walked along the tills and everyone was going 'aaah'. Then, because I had picked her up, the mum was able to spot her and came and thanked me.

I have sadly seen a lot of this with childminders. The truth is you have no idea whether a childminder is watching your child safely or not, and when they're not in the confines of a nursery building it's a lot more risky.

I was at the library with my son when a little girl who was just walking (maybe 18m?) managed to get up, leave through the open door, and get halfway down the street. A stranger grabbed her and brought her to the library, and it STILL took five minutes to find the childminder she belonged to! It was almost unbelievable. It's incredibly lucky she wasn't hit by a car or something. The childminder was off on the other side of the library chatting away with fellow childminders, not a care in the world. Even when the little girl was brought back she didn't seem bothered. Most people would have been mortified and apologetic or shocked and worried. She was cool as a cucumber. Makes you wonder if that's just the norm.

I've seen so many horrendously incapable or downright nasty and dangerous childminders sadly. I wouldn't trust my son in their care. There are amazing ones but the risk is far too big to take.

Yes, you done the right thing. She was probably angry because she was doing a shit job at minding the child.

I work in retail and I have found many a toddler .. in my experience the mums are always so panicked they are rude

She was probably absolutely terrified .

You did the right thing!

godmum56

Also if the child had panicked at being picked up by a stranger then that would not have helped.

Thats a very gd point

OMG @reallifeboogie child minder can’t leave a toddler and go with another child to a toilet elsewhere? That’s nuts. Hope you explained the toddler gad LEFT softplay and was in the restaurant and could have left there, too. Totally irresponsible of the CM, who was angry because she was panicking having lost the child!

So the childminder had left the child in the soft play, left the soft play area and went to the toilet with another child?

As I parent I would want to know. Worth putting a pos on your local Facebook pages to get any parents to message you if they know their child went to the garden centre with their childminder?

You did the right thing x

You were obviously right. The CM’s response was because of fear - she knew she was wrong, and you could have been an abductor.

A long time ago I found a distressed child of about 4 at the edge of a massive crowd at Disney’s Hollywood Studios. I crouched down with him by a wall, just telling him it was OK and we’d find his mommy and daddy for him, and ex DH climbed up onto something (edge of a raised planter I think) to look out for the terrified people, whom he saw quite quickly and shouted to. When they came over they said nothing at all to me, made no eye contact, and whipped him away. I was surprised to feel terrible - as though we had done something very wrong - but I could see the awful, awful panic in their eyes and they had no thought for anything other than their son. Our existence simply didn’t register with them, quite naturally.

I think this is similar to why you’re second guessing yourself OP.

Best thing to do is stand by the child, reassure them you’ll find mum/dad and speak loudly — Lost child here.
I used to be a magnet for lost kids, this worked every time.

But the childminder was well out of order. You can’t leave a child to go to the toilet — and she knew it. Wonder how many times she’s done that before?

I certainly wouldn't have left her, I would have flagged down a member of staff maybe but certainly nothing wrong what you did

Personally wouldn't be picking up a child I don't know, but you comforted her.
I'd be posting on your local Facebook, and explaining what the childminder looked like and you're concerned that parents may not know that their child is being taken care of by a complete imbecile who's putting the kids they "care" for at risk.

It's not what I would have done personally, I'd have found the nearest member of staff and explained the situation instead of wandering around holding a child.

But yes the childminder was bang out of order.

In our Dobbies toilets are nowhere near the soft play so absolutely you did the right thing. I’m nervous at leaving 6yo anywhere never mind a toddler. If I need the loo child comes too.

I agree with this.

I would absolutely want to know if I was sending my child (especially one unable to communicate properly) to someone so negligent. Outrageous she had the audacity to be mad at you!