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Original poster

I need to know if this is normal

124 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 17/09/2024 20:55

DS2 has ordered online a skirt, cropped top and fishnets which arrived today, although he was very cagey about it.

Appears to be a straight forward boy and so am not sure where this has come from.

He is 14 and so is this par for the course? I am very old at 53 and feel so out of my depth.

DS1 who is 18 and at uni is totally cool with it, so think it might just be me and DH struggling

I feel I should just be cool too, but it has taken me rather by surprise

OP posts:
MumblesParty · 17/09/2024 23:43

sunseaandsoundingoff · 17/09/2024 21:57

I think your reaction isn't normal, but as you say it may be your age. Perhaps you need to find some online groups specific to this where you and DH can find out more, explore your feelings around it, and get used to it.

@sunseaandsoundingoff of course OP’s reaction is normal. Boys dressing as girls might be common these days, but it’s still a bit weird, especially in boys who’ve never shown any interest in such things before. Let’s not pretend this is all normal and mainstream.

JacquelineShit · 17/09/2024 23:53

MumblesParty · 17/09/2024 23:43

@sunseaandsoundingoff of course OP’s reaction is normal. Boys dressing as girls might be common these days, but it’s still a bit weird, especially in boys who’ve never shown any interest in such things before. Let’s not pretend this is all normal and mainstream.

Show quote history

Plus it's the sexual fetish element.

Why do they never buy Victorian nighties or a tweed twin set?

It's always fishnets, cropped tops and skirts.

RubyWinehouse · 17/09/2024 23:55

I may be wrong, but from what I hear the schools do seem to be telling kids that there are many different genders and being heterosexual is not the norm. I'm just so glad my child left school before this lgbtq+ thing started to be taught to children

R053 · 18/09/2024 00:01

I’d be concerned too. I wouldn’t want my 14 year old daughter to wear an outfit like that (let alone a son) and it seems sexualised / misogynistic to me.

Ottersmith · 18/09/2024 00:31

I think just let him explore. Don't freak out. Kids can dress how they like now. If he wants to wear them outside though, I'd act the same way as you would if you had a girl. If it's over sexualised for their age I would stop them wearing it outside. The further you react negatively, the more he will be likely to think it's not for boys and then think he's a girl and then go down that rabbit hole.

Smineusername · 18/09/2024 00:42

I do not think this is healthy and you are right to be concerned. He's not exploring his femininity or his gender identity, which would be entirely healthy and wholesome, he's looking to cosplay some sort of bullshit pornified fetish-whore fantasy. It seems to me to be sexual more than anything else and I would be wondering why any 14 year old would want to involve their parents in their sexual fantasies in this way because that is the exact opposite of normal behaviour - why have the clothes delivered to the house? Is he testing you or trying to alert you to something? Next I would wonder who is the intended audience for this spectacle (besides you). And I would guess an older man or men online. And then I would be worried that he is planning on creating and distributing pictures of himself if he hasn't already. So I would be wanting to have careful but direct conversations with him about gender roles, his perceptions of femininity and masculinity, porn and it's distorted representations of sex, women and relationships, consent and online safety and grooming. I would ask if he's gay. And I would want to restrict his Internet access so he can't just freely wander round in cesspits while he is at this delicate formative stage. Dad too.

Chillilounger · 18/09/2024 00:48

Why is he allowed to order stuff himself online? Just confiscate it and block the method he used. I wouldn't let my 13 year old daughter order stuff like that so why is it different for a boy?

Onacuctustree · 18/09/2024 00:58

Why,at his age does he want to look like an adult women ?
Girls his age don't wear fishnet tights.

If he wants to represent as a girl... You need to show him what they actually wear... Hoodies and joggers. Occasionally they dress up .

LonginesPrime · 18/09/2024 01:31

He is very intelligent and in top sets for everything so maybe this is just an extension of his intellect ?

Are you suggesting that he might be looking for a way to escape the academic pressure he's under by lowering people's expectations of him by dressing up as a...girl??

To be fair, several middle-aged cross-dressing men I know have high-pressure jobs and they find it hugely appealing to pretend to be a vacuous girl for the night to escape the stress and responsibility of their real lives.

itsmylife7 · 18/09/2024 02:01

Cross dressing fetish.

TempestTost · 18/09/2024 02:19

No, it's not normal.

I'd be very concerned he is watching sissy porn, and possibly even involved in creating content. (There is a huge market for it.) There are tons of sites online that attempt to pull young teen boys into this kind of sexual content. It's deeply, deeply sexiststuff, and exploitative.

I'd be trying to find someone for him to see, this is a sexual fetish that pretty much ruins mens' lives and the possibility of a satisfying equal relationship.

hot2trotter · 18/09/2024 02:56

Not normal. And not related to intellect 😂

Yalta · 18/09/2024 03:06

gwanmen · 17/09/2024 21:25

I'm 36 and this definitely wouldn't have been accepted when I was 14... But. This new generation are so open, I've just been watching Sex Education on Netflix and realised times have really changed. Have you asked him about it?

Think Sex Education is what woke tv producers want schools to be like

I am sure any boy in RL seen wearing this stuff everyone will be positive in public but thinking and discussing in private will not be so nice

gwanmen · 18/09/2024 05:45

Yeah after reading the posts I agree that this is for someone's sexual pleasure. I think experimenting would start with a bit of makeup, wearing a dress. Whereas he's leapt straight to fishnets and a crop top

Anothernamechane · 18/09/2024 08:30

A 14 year old of any sex wearing fishnets crop top and mini skirt is of course not normal and a concern. Do you actually monitor his online activity in any way? Are you trying to parent?

ssd · 18/09/2024 08:36

Not normal at all.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 18/09/2024 08:50

I’m a lot older than you and while I’d be a bit concerned about it I think you need to look at why he’s buying female clothes.
If It’s his choice then nothing you can do.
Just check he’s not being groomed online( groomed is maybe too extreme a term) No one is coercing him into this, look at where he’s got the idea from, what sort of sites he’s visiting, videos he’s watching. And that he’s not sending pictures of himself to anyone.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 18/09/2024 10:00

Thanks for all of your comments.

I had another look at the packaging and the stuff he ordered came from a femboy website called femzai.

It would appear that the clothing he has bought is typical emo femboy in style.

I am going to speak to him tonight to make sure he isn't being coerced into this, or groomed in any way.

If he isn't then I suspect I will just have to accept it.

OP posts:
FusionChefGeoff · 18/09/2024 10:12

DS is 12 so I'm not quite where you are but I'd definitely be picking up on the sexist / reductive nature of the femboy stuff and pointing out how offensive it is to women.

Cluborange666 · 18/09/2024 10:15

He’s not hurting anyone. They are just clothes. Talk to him and see where this is all coming from but if it’s just to experience dressing as a woman, well, leave him to it. He’s a human and he can wear whatever he wants.

Wigtopia · 18/09/2024 10:24

My DP wore dresses and skirts in his teens well before we met - I think as a rebellious thing (if girls can wear jeans why can’t I wear dresses kinda thing). He did it for about a year I think 🤔

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 18/09/2024 10:26

You'll have to accept this is what he wants but you can't "make sure of" anything. He may not be coerced or groomed now but a 14 year old ordering fetish gear on the Internet is vulnerable. Among other things cross-dressing is an adult sexual fetish. Do check that he's not sharing pictures and warn him about the dangers - there are men out there who will tell him how great he would look and get him to share, and those men are attracted to emo/crossdressing websites where vulnerable teens hang out. And yes I would be worried about "sissy porn" as well. Porn does affect boys' sexual development.

The fact that an 18 year old is "cool" about it is not very reassuring. I am old enough to remember when 18 year olds were very "cool" about recreational drugs that we wouldn't be "cool" about now.

TempestTost · 18/09/2024 10:35

FunnysInLaJardin · 18/09/2024 10:00

Thanks for all of your comments.

I had another look at the packaging and the stuff he ordered came from a femboy website called femzai.

It would appear that the clothing he has bought is typical emo femboy in style.

I am going to speak to him tonight to make sure he isn't being coerced into this, or groomed in any way.

If he isn't then I suspect I will just have to accept it.

Are you fucking serious?

You're his parent and he is 14. You don't have to accept him being groomed online into lifelong sexual dysfunction and allowing him to be exploited for adult men to wank over.

He's not going to tell you he is being coerced, any more than the kid introduced to cocaine would tell you he's being coerced.

Jesus.

It's actually illegal for him to even watch porn.

Shut it fucking down.

LonginesPrime · 18/09/2024 13:30

FunnysInLaJardin · 18/09/2024 10:00

Thanks for all of your comments.

I had another look at the packaging and the stuff he ordered came from a femboy website called femzai.

It would appear that the clothing he has bought is typical emo femboy in style.

I am going to speak to him tonight to make sure he isn't being coerced into this, or groomed in any way.

If he isn't then I suspect I will just have to accept it.

Even if he isn't being coerced by another person (which he's obviously not going to tell you, and likely won't even recognise as grooming or coercion himself), a major concern I would have is where sexually suggestive photos of him (a minor) in that outfit might end up.

Regardless of whether he bought the outfit specifically to post pics on a forum/send them to someone or just to see how he looks, if he takes photos (which is almost inevitable, let's face it), they could end up in all sorts of places in the future.

lovenotwar149 · 18/09/2024 13:33

I'm old too. I'd def have a chat about it to him with an 'open' mind