I need to know if this is normal

[FunnysInLaJardin]

DS2 has ordered online a skirt, cropped top and fishnets which arrived today, although he was very cagey about it.

Appears to be a straight forward boy and so am not sure where this has come from.

He is 14 and so is this par for the course? I am very old at 53 and feel so out of my depth.

DS1 who is 18 and at uni is totally cool with it, so think it might just be me and DH struggling

I feel I should just be cool too, but it has taken me rather by surprise

I think her reaction is entirely normal. If my 14 yo dd wanted to wear a mini skirt, crop top and fishnets it wouldn't be happening. If my 14 yo boy wanted to, I'd be horrified.

Ignore the pressure to be a 'cool' neglectful parent.

If my 14 year old DS purchased sexualised female clothing out of the blue I would be very concerned about what he was accessing online.

Some men like that kind of thing, no reason they shouldn't start early. No doubt this will unfold further!

This is what I want to know too. Either the op has seen the order or has opened his post.

or it’s all just for the screen shots to show how dreadful transphobic and easily wound up we all are.

I’d be seriously concerned if this were my son. I wouldn’t even let my 14 yr old daughter dress like that.

No it's not at all "normal"

Yes, fishnets are a sexual fetish for many, but mostly blokes really.

I really don't think a sibling going to uni constitutes a trauma.

Of course it's not bloody normal. The majority of 14 year old boys are not online ordering fishnet stockings

What's he looking at online? I'd start there

And although I wouldn't be shaming him for this of course, I'd also want to get to the bottom of where it's come from and what it's based on

He's a young teen and you need to ensure he's safe online and beyond that

But no - don't let posters tell you it's oh so normal. It's not.

YABU

Don't make a big deal and be supportive.

Ok, so..your reaction is normal, a 14 year old boy buying fishnets a crop top and a skirt off the Internet isn't normal.

I have three sons and if one had done this i'd be shocked
I'm very open minded and one son is gay
At 14 I'd be concerned about what he was accessing online and I would check now

I’d want to ensure that he has bought it himself and hasn’t been sent it from someone he’s talking to online.

Op, my initial thought was Halloween preparations.

I've noticed (in central Scotland) there are so many more groups of kids. Today at the bus station alone, I encountered the typical big gang, designer clothes type. The chavs, Emos/goths.....so many in fact and several gay/bi groups all dressed fairly femininely for boys.

For those saying it's not normal and they be horrified, I find that rather sad and insular. Ds could just be exploring his sexual side or is trans?

Who cares, it's 2024. Just keep the doors of communication open to him.

If it's a very sexualised outfit I wouldn't be comfortable with my 14 year old wearing it regardless of their sex or circumstances. Others are mentioning exploring cross dressing (which is typically for sexual gratification)- I'd be reminding him that no one else should be subject to that and having a chat about the safety of photos and not to send to anyone or post online.
If he believes he may be trans, it's still not an age appropriate outfit to wear in public, so give support but not permission to wear something inappropriate.

Are you sure he hasn’t bought it for a girl/friend his age?
Unless he has specifically said he has bought it to wear himself and you see evidence of him wearing it, my first thought would be he has a girlfriend. But maybe I’m being naive and old-fashioned.

For those saying it's not normal and they be horrified, I find that rather sad and insular. Ds could just be exploring his sexual side or is trans?

When a 14 year old school child suddenly takes it upon themself to buy sexual fetish clothing, the only thing that would be 'sad' would be for adults not to question it.

You've possibly missed the OP's second post?

Is he going to rocky horror or other fancy dress party? Could he be tran?

OP, you might want to look at this series of articles to see if anything strikes a chord.

https://quillette.com/2021/04/02/when-sons-become-daughters-parents-of-transitioning-boys-speak-out-on-their-own-suffering/

What's traumatic about having a sibling go to university?

Maybe it's not a very good university.

I am 53 and have a 15 yo son.
I would be pretty alarmed if he bought these clothes and also that he was so open with his own Mother about it.
We've had talks about porn and sex with regards to him and we often discuss 'identifies as', women's safe spaces, trans issues, equality etc.
I am not privy to his fantasies, nor do I want to be.
If he was open about wearing these clothes, then I'd ask him why. I'd want to be sure it was something HE wanted to do; that he wasn't being coerced or had fallen in with a group and was out of his depth.
Once I was sure it was something he wanted then I'd make sure he was safe (internet). I wouldn't want him going out dressed like that unless it was fancy dress or something.

Oh and his trauma response to his brother going to uni was to move into his bedroom!

Innocent explanations: Halloween costume or he's discovered goths.

Don't dismiss the less-innocent possibilities. This is a good time to talk to him about grooming etc.