Wanky things you’re guilty of

[Pumpkittenspice]

For me, it’s using a Fortnum and Mason hamper basket as a piece of decor…

I have no storage space so some of mine lives there too! It’s not for display. I rarely have people over.

I thought @Pumpkittenspice had won the thread with her stunt tea towel and artfully positioned Velvetiser and was polishing off the crown in anticipation until trumped by @Verv independently acknowledged and verified (what would be the group / collective noun be - a Palm??) wankiness!

Ha @MrsCatE , Palm D'Or shuuurely

Don’t forget about the Smeg kettle! @MrsCatE

Heh heh @Pumpkittenspice I see a fight to the death re wankiest poster however, I've come across the best group noun for a clutch of Wanky things - it's a Cox of wanky things in honour of Ivor Biggun - lyricist and composer of "I'm a Wanker". I know lyrics off by heart and had to hide single from parents but best to google and them we can sing in unison "I'm a Wanker - it does ..." etc.

Heh heh @Verv excellent guilding of the Palm! But google Ivor Biggun and then we can have a proper MN vote; buttons and all.

@MrsCatE i have searched for days to find a even wankier item. Ha, I had a boyfriend called Ivor prior to the DH. He did indeed have a big **. He lived in Grand Canaria. Otherwise London. He knew many ladies. I suspect I shared him with a few munsnetters of a certain age.
Crown 👑 to me today? Or am I just a washed up slapper?

Oh Mumsnet you do not disappoint!

This is THE BEST Thread EVER!!!

Seriously, you have all made me so very, very happy!

Have Butter Knives been mentioned yet to go with all the lovely Salted French Butter which I adore too ...

x

#BestThreadEver #WhatDoYouMeanYouDoNotHaveAButterKnife

Oh, they are beauties @YesTonightJosephine !
I just have some hand carved butter knives made by my Swedish friend Karin's grandad from locally felled trees. I love using them.

I think it should be a Pretension of Wankiness.

Display my 3 favourite condiments from M&S. they have matching jars and lovely labels. I like stupid stuff like this to match. Even worse, if I haven't been able to buy a replacement from M&S, I fill them with other brands.

Wear my dry robe when I'm not sea swimming and it's pissing down. I give no shits-it's an amazing piece of apparel.

I have 'displayed' a large bottle of Waitrose olive oil for months on my counter top - for pure snobbery and because again, I love the labels.

Moved washing of it looks garish or ugly on my washing line. Perhaps I'm on the autistic/ocd spectrum-or just the snobbery spectrum - who knows 😁

Does anyone else when ordering from F&M online enjoy giving themselves a title from the long list available? I think I was a Marchioness last time I ordered.

I also have various repurposed F&M items including their Stilton cheese pot repurposed for himalayan rock salt. We also have not one but two of their cheese boards. I managed to drop and blunt the knife on the first and my DH was so upset he insisted on getting a replacement. Needless to say we have not used either again and they are taking up space on the top shelf in the kitchen.

I think I must rank pretty high on the wankyness front.

I use one to store kindling for the fire.

I bought an antique carriage clock, before realising it doesn't work. Even if it did, ut would need winding once a week or so.
Getting it fixed would cost £££, so I just display it as is because it's beautiful regardless.

I have a butter knife that I stole from my mum. I never use it.
Not a fancy one like that though, for me butter knives have to be made out of wood.

Does anyone else when ordering from F&M online enjoy giving themselves a title from the long list available? I think I was a Marchioness last time I ordered.
Not from F&M but some other webshop that had a long list of fancy titles. I chose Wing Commander once, I think Duchess another time. Sometime Reverend.
There's one place I order my yearly photobook (is that perhaps wanky, a book of photos of the year put on display on the vitrine with a wanky title like The Great British Holiday which was pictures of our holiday to the UK ??) which only gives the options of Mrs. and Mr. Not even a Ms or Miss! I always pick Mr. because it pisses me off.

I have a proper study.

A checklist from this thread:
Teapot
Cake forks (and cake plates)
Leggings/ UGGS
Home-made Christmas decorations
Decorations up shortly before Christmas and down on Twelfth Night.

Some sparkly clothes.
Tasteful seasonal decorations.

Dear lord...

Library - yep
Study - yep
butter knives - yep
cake forks - yep
Uggs - not on your Nelly!

To these I add - fancy leather collar for the hound, like something Ann Boleyn would have had on a greyhound.

I used to have a study, but had to turn it into a bedroom for DD. One day I'll get my study back...

Oh I love this thread. I want a F&M basket now.

I have been known to boast about my child eating crab liver sushi in Tokyo 🥸😅 (tbf it was a big deal because they have ND food issues, moreso than the foodstuff or location). But still #wanker 😅

I made sure that my pets (of different species) aesthetically compliment each other (I hate myself as I type that but it's true).

I priced up some hand forged toilet roll holders from a local maker. It was too much so I actually have a £1.50 one from a charity shop, so maybe I've redeemed my soul with that one?

I have a variable temperature kettle, purely because I only drink hideously expensive loose leaf teas and matcha from across the globe. I have a lot of very niche equipment to facilitate these teas.

I have several of my own artworks on the walls of my home (absolute behaviour of a prick 😅).

My socks cost £18 a pair. Not too much compared to some pairs, but it seems insane to people I've told in real life, but the socks last years and years. So it's a false economy to buy cheap uncomfortable ones five times over in the same time frame..#wankerjustification

I sleep in cashmere in winter. Admittedly it's lucky charity shop finds, but it's a bit unnecessary really.

I have been known to cancel plans with slightly ill but totally ok friends in case I caught it, had to take medicine and then potentially damaged my carefully cultivated gut microbioke 😅😅😅 ok yes I am a wnaker

@LyingPaintSample what are these magical socks you speak of?!
To add: Wolford tights. £35 a pair but the cost per wear is brilliant.

I have several of my own artworks on the walls of my home (absolute behaviour of a prick 😅).

I just do not accept that that makes you a prick. People moan if you have generic Ikea-type prints. They moan if you have prints of famous art. The only acceptable kind of art therefore is originals by obscure artists whose work says something about you. What can possibly do that more effectively than something you did yourself?

Unless we’re talking naked self portraits. In which case, yes, dial down the self esteem a bit 😂

The wife of a very posh chap I know commissioned a portrait of herself for her 50th birthday. It hangs in their dining room for everyone to dutifully admire. Utterly wanky and v cringeworthy.

We have a drawing room and a vestibule.