Wanky things you’re guilty of

[Pumpkittenspice]

For me, it’s using a Fortnum and Mason hamper basket as a piece of decor…

I decant my stock cubes into a vintage looking oxo tin kept on the shelf at a jaunty angle. On my mantle piece I have a selection of 1950s books arranged very strategically, a stack of which has the bust of a Greek god on top wearing a selection of cool necklaces. Now if anyone tried to read these books or indeed wear the necklaces, I would shuffle over, not in my usual flea bitten dog face slippers, but my Ralph Lauren slip ons, bought from TK Max and I’d slap your hand away! I’d then attempt to shuffle off in the worlds most uncomfortable slip on designer slippers, but with each glide of my feet, keep the whole sole of said slippers in contact with the carpet, as they are such a weird shape they would just fall off my feet, total wanker!

DH started getting F&M hampers from work during Covid. I didn't really know what to do with the hamper itself as it seemed a bit too good to just throw away so I shoved it in the spare room which happens to be my study and genuinely hadn't realised it would appear in the background of my Teams calls. By the end of the day, I think every single person I'd been on a call with had commented on it. I swear that a couple of colleagues have treated me with a new found respect ever since. I did try re-purposing it but it didn't seem quite the right size. I happened to be telling my godmother about this whose eyes popped out of her head so I gave it to her and it is now in her hallway, carefully positioned to be obvious but not too in your face.
I don't have much Sweaty Betty gym stuff as I (and particularly my bank account) prefers M&S. However, on days when I am in my SB stuff I do tend to go & get a takeaway coffee as I feel as though I have "made it". I then often laugh out loud at how marketing people must love someone like me.

@TheHistorian I thought Aperol Spritz was just a chavvy "kids" drink but was recently served one (maybe 3!) by some very naice friends. Am about to join the wankyness 🤣

Wait, what? Which one? I need to deploy some!

Edit - I'm referring to the hand soap 😊

I am one of those Wanky Alt/Goth women that collect skulls and antiques and has a lot of plants, and maximalist walls full of picture frames of different sizes, bug specimens, some old welsh brasswork etc etc. But I do also yearn for the F&M Hamper (though I did get told recently by an even wankier acquaintance that F&M are the new Bayliss & Harding 😁)

Won't see a hint of pale grey, pink or glitter here.

Cheers to us Wanky Alt/Goth women! I raise my goblet of mead! 😁

All the beautiful people drink it in Rome and other Italian hotspots. Tastes like hairspray without something to sweeten it up. You have to work at the wankyness sometimes.

Well I'm flouncing. No one mentioned my reference to my cherry wood armoire (it is not a very large woodworm riddled cupboard DH, thank you).

Got to admit I thought oooh what's that.
Maybe your at a different stage of your wankiness journey as I don't even know what one was.

I don't collect skulls but my DS brought home a deer skull he found in the forest so perhaps I should start a wanky collection of skulls.

@Lookingforaneedleinanhaystack i should actually say 'fruit wood' but I'm middle level wanky.

@TroysMammy everyone in a recent baby names thread was saying Hugo is a perfectly normal average name now

I actually love this idea and now want a summer house.

I urge you to demand one at once!

DH lives in constant fear that I'm going to burn it down as I'm a candle-fiend. I think that's why he's always popping in to make sure I'm suitably hydrated. 😂

@GiddyRobin he's ready to douse a spitting candle with a pot of real earl grey or some champers!

He must protect the F&M hampers at all costs! Good golly!

I make chia pudding with coconut milk in old jam Jars

I have a really nice white dish that I make salads in because they look really 'insta'

I'm on strava and I post recovery runs or other wanky status updates especially if I have done a slow run

Au bon and Isigny Sainte-Mere. Tbf I rarely drink and don’t spend money on takeaway food & coffee, so butter is my decadent splurge.

It’s also housed in a hand painted Italian butter dish and cut with sterling silver knives. 🙈

More of a joke really between friends who studied Latin at schools using the Cambridge Latin course. There were some funny characters and phrases used in the course books. Writing this makes me rethink the wanky-ness and reevaluate it to dorky-ness instead 🤣🤣🤣

DH refers to our utility room as "the Butler's Pantry". He's a wanker too 😂

It was the first name I thought of which wasn't Jayden, Kayden and Jaxxon. It's the name of a drug addicted (cat nip) friend my cat had 😂.

My not even three year old's favourite food is grilled salmon. That somehow feels wanky. She also loves avocado and croissants.

I have a few of those cloth bound books (gifts from my grandma). I love them and want more.

When DS1 was about 4, he stood in the middle of M&S and shouted "Mamma! May we have smoked salmon with our duck eggs tonight?", proceeded to grab said smoked salmon and marched off towards the bakery. Complete with a Scooby Doo cap and a grotty looking teddy.

DH was cackling. I have never felt more wanky.

DD is obsessed with those Booja Booja truffles. (I have to hide them)

@RedOnyx Not trying to elevenarife you here in the wanky scale but my Ddog had grilled salmon for dinner 😂😂😂

I keep my £3 ikea blankets in a fortnum and mason wicker basket I bought off eBay

I shop at Waitrose and my 9 year old asked me to buy more smoked salmon

I eat overnight oats for breakfast and drink matcha oat lattes.

i ordered a handmade soap from Etsy for our guest room.

i spent 10 minutes decanting dried things from perfectly functional packaging into pretty glass jars.

i have a whole set of those little house spice jars, all lined up on an ikea picture shelf.

This weekend I went to the market with a wicker basket in the cradle of my arms perusing the best veggies and sourdough

My name is Drawahardline, and welcome to Wankers Weekly