Possible to emulate a private school education?

[Palmolivia]

We are not in a grammar area so the dc will be attending a state secondary in a couple of years.. We cannot afford private school but I'm looking for ways to emulate a private school education. Is it possible & if so ideas please?

The biggest step up in life that kids in / from private schools seem to get is connections to influential people. I’m not sure that you can emulate that.

What you can do is give them lots of different experiences and support their schooling and extra curricular hobbies. Push them outside of their comfort zones at times to help their confidence grow and provide a calm, stable life at home.

Tutors and lots of extra curriculars

That's the kind of advice I'm looking for. Their current school offers no extracurriculars due to lack of available teachers, we had soccer last year but they are unsure if it will be back.. The local private does all sorts during & after school cross country, cricket, rugby, hockey, tennis, athletics, languages.. There is a real difference. I envy those who can pay, I would have loved to have been able to send the dc

I don't rlly think it's possible, but depends on which aspects of private appeal to you. Have you looked at bursaries if it's affordability, by the way?

I'd say:

• Lots of extra curricular activities
• Lots of experiences like museums, galleries etc
• Prioritise their schoolwork & have high expectations

Same as a pp said - lots of extra curriculars and tutors whenever needed.

We used a tutor mentor for our DC, hard to find but with the right match it makes a huge difference to confidence, ability to speak to adults etc. We used Tayberry.org.uk who use very capable Uni students for this - DD even got to visit her mentor at Cambridge :)

Instrumental lessons for sure.

@Palmolivia ‘ The local private does all sorts during & after school cross country, cricket, rugby, hockey, tennis, athletics, languages..’

Our state school offers all of the above except for languages, but all kids are fluent in 2 languages anyway. There is also an impressive selection of trips available and we’re told about these in good time to may choices and spread out payments. Dc2 has chosen to stay there for Sixth form precisely for the extracurricular activities. Our closest private schools are far too small to put out competitive sports teams, choirs etc. The state school is 9 form entry. Not all schools are the same, whether you’re taking about state or private.

Are there any other viable state options available to you?

I had a mix of state and private, not the kind of private where I made lifelong professional connections alas! But I benefited particularly through :

• instrument lessons and a school orchestra even though I was not good at music - it was good for me to work over years at something which really didn’t come naturally
• Being pushed in maths
• learning dead languages - it was how I learnt how to learn, and I use those skills still in middle age
• a mock interview before university applications and really good critique of my ucas form
• debating club

Extra curricular clubs - team sport, music and something social like scouting. Give them as broad a life out of school as you can so they get plenty of character building and citizenship learning opportunities.

Extra curriculars
Travel with them if you can.
Trips it theatre and museums.
Tutors for things they find harder.

It is possible I'd say (though some things will cost money). State schools seem to have far shorter school days so it's possible to fit extra curriculars in. Cheap things are athletics clubs or running clubs memberships, and music ensembles. You need to search for them and obviously it will depend where you are, but there are lots of organisations trying to get children into sport and music. It allows contacts with a wide cross section of people. As does volunteering.
Obviously tutors if you have the money can also help.
The idea though that somehow private schools are this sort of hot house of 'networking' that can't be achieved elsewhere is not true. That's really about the parents' 'place' in society not about where they send their children to school

I think a lot of it is being around other children who are keen on learning and behaving. Kids in private school will have parents who are invested in their kids' education, so will be more likely to engage with school, check their children have the right equipment, check they're doing their homework, etc. When you're in a class of "swots", you're more likely to emulate them.

Extra curricula is vitally important, not necessarily for the subject/hobby/sport, itself, but to break down barriers between the pupils and teachers. Pupils seem to respond better when they see the teachers "outside the classroom" in a more relaxed and less stressful environment.

I don't think it's possible but that doesn't mean your dc cant have an excellent education, acquire wider knowledge and experiences and end up in the same universities as private school educated kids.
Tutors, clubs, music lessons, travel, books

All this connections stuff is such a frigging myth, I went to a private school as did my husband and both our fathers and j have to say…. Connections was not any particular benefit.

I would say though, that it teaches you to behave with confidence and there is always a big focus on public speaking and sport.

No because they are over subscribed & we are out of the catchment area.
You dc are so lucky, it just shows how state education varies so much.

It would be hard to replicate the connections private schools have. Alumni who come into school to give career talks, parents who offer work experience opportunities, connections to companies and universities.

OP - have you approached the private school to see if they offer bursaries?

I would agree with this. I think connections are a thing only in the oldest and most prestigious of private schools such and Eton or Harrow.
Connections are not much of a thing in the local private school my children attend.
The confidence and public speaking definitely is.

I have taught in private and state schools, and I also attended both as a child.
IME the most important differences are

1. The expectation that the students will do well and go to university.
2. The adults that the students know... if they know doctors, lawyers, engineers, entrepreneurs etc they will have a sense that they too can do those things, and will be guided in that direction.
3. Private schools give students the opportunity to debate, present their work and perform. The small classes give opportunities for the children to discuss and put their point across from a young age. I really think this is invaluable to build confidence.

Read daily, DD school will change books daily if finished, so find a good library., if your state school doesn't do the.same.
Some not all state schools will do it.
Some states have forest school, or there seems to be few providers near us.
Extra curricular are made easy at private as they do them at school, but if ok to take them.the extras can be emulated, holiday clubs such as first kick are great for introducing different sports, all stars for cricket, weetabix wildcats for girls football etc.

I also 100% agree with point 1 on this list.
It is 100% expected that the children will continue into further education. The examples and role models that surround them show exactly that.

I went to a boarding school for years.

I have precisely ZERO connections. Please can we drop this myth of connections?

Perhaps Eton? Perhaps Radley?

None of the people I knew at my school went on to achieve anything remarkable including me. Connections might exist within the top elite but then they always have.

OP it’s the sport, drama and music that will be areas to consider.

And yet again now I have my kids at private school - after primary state school, but there are kids there that do nothing. No sport, drama or music. None of them are essential in life. It’s nice but things like a language, learning to code, learning to do well at public speaking, doing D of E or cadets, volunteering, learning to treat people with respect and kindness. These things are much more important in my opinion. They’ll help you get a job more easily too than saying “I’m grade 8 violin and I was in the rugby A team”.

Those latter accomplishments seem more to boost the school’s prowess rather boost your child’s chances of landing a good job. Don’t be mislead by glossy brochures.

As someone who ended up at Oxbridge, don't overestimate these connections. I had a very socially rich university life, did very well in my subject, but have not 'made it' career wise.

Luckily, the days where doors were opened because of who you are, are long gone in most sectors. If you don't go for a finance, law or an arts profession, there is only so much string-pulling happening for graduates. Thankfully so, as we are collectively better for it, when nepotism is limited.

What networks can offer, is people to provide informed feedback, mentorship and inside info on sectors and companies. However, there is definitely much less 'getting shoved into a job' stuff happening than in the past.

Things that come to mind:

Learning Latin, or another dead language
Extracurricular sports that are a bit more niche eg. Lacrosse
Debating club/public speaking
Tutor for key subjects eg. Maths (even if they are good at the subject)
Making connections - harder to do but for example, going to Oxbridge open days. From year 7 many kids in private schools are going to open days at top unis and are being told they are the students the uni wants (does wonders for self confidence/ambition)
Trips abroad with an educational focus
Team building exercises eg. DofE helps develop leadership skills
Cultural awareness - poetry, literature, history etc.
Self pride - wanting to look smart in uniform rather than trying to fit in
Financial awareness - understanding savings and investment etc from a young age, lots of kids who go to private schools have rich parents and talk about this stuff

Ps. I went to a state school. This is based on my perspective of what is missing from state schools rather than what actual private schools offer. On reality it's probably only the very top private schools that would offer all this. As parents you can definitely support them with these things outside school. And it doesn't have to be expensive.