Possible to emulate a private school education?

[Palmolivia]

We are not in a grammar area so the dc will be attending a state secondary in a couple of years.. We cannot afford private school but I'm looking for ways to emulate a private school education. Is it possible & if so ideas please?

If your children are at the beginning of primary age when moving house is practical you'd do best to move to an area with better state schools now, or more abroad to a non English speaking country and live in an area outside a city with few English speakers, send them to the local state school and learn the local language together, then in a few years send them to a UK state boarding school - there are some really good ones and you only pay for boarding not fees.

Staying where you are and tacking on extras will only work if your children are amenable to it, otherwise you're setting yourself up for battles and social isolation. Lots of extra sport/ music outside school will work well for a sporty / musical child but if your child doesn't want to do it and nobody they know does similar it will only lead to resentment and rebellion and a sour relationship between you. That goes double for additional tutoring.

“From year 7 many kids in private schools are going to open days at top unis and are being told they are the students the uni wants (does wonders for self confidence/ambition)”

I know of many kids local to me at various private schools in London so I definitely know what is going on as I chat to them and their parents. .

None of the schools are sending kids off in year 7 to university open days. What nonsense. Sorry people but make it stop. This is fantasy land.

I have two kids at private school in a wealthy area of London and it’s on us (the parents) to take our kids to open days in year 12. Or they go by themselves.

There is an oxbridge program at both. It’s not very successful these days. I’m sure with justification you are pleased to hear that. It wasn’t fair that private school kids got so many places. I agree.

My kids have SEN. I send them there to be protected a little better. both bullied in state primary.

I've sort of done this by default really - it was never my intention but my children are in no way academic despite being the product of a teacher and an optician and I needed to make sure they had cultural capital to fall back on. So, they've both been army cadets since they have been able to and in fact this has led the elder one to go to AFC Harrogate for 6th form. He starts in a fortnight. The younger one is very horsey so he's joined pony club and Young Farmers who believe it or not have a big emphasis on public speaking. The elder used to ride and was a Young Farmer but not with the enthusiasm of the younger. As a family we beagled and have a gun dog so they've been to gun dog trials and both have shot for their Young Farmers Club. Through all of that the pair of them have made lots of privately educated friends so have the connections they would have had if I'd sent them private.

They hate study and struggle as they both have additional needs so I wasn't going to force them to a tutor but if you have academic kids I imagine that will help. They've also been travelling by train round Northern Europe with me, although I wish I could afford to take them long haul somewhere and the elder non- dyspraxic one went skiing with school and came back with a love of Italy and snow sports. Also lots of theatre trips and things like I took them to see Sir Ranulph Fiennes speak on his tour because I thought it would interest them.

I admit if you're I'm inner city Wolverhampton or somewhere then the above formula probably wouldn't be for you, but I live in a semi rural town and while I've just moved the younger one the school they both went to had the kids of brain surgeons etc there as the results were better than our local very provincial private schools. I've just moved little one to a more rural state secondary where I think he'll fit in and so far he loves it. I went there myself and have 2 degrees and a postgrad so it's not done me any harm and we had kids from very wealthy families go there as again the results were better than our local private schools. Agree that unless you're talking Stowe and Oundle then there probably won't be that much of an advantage tbf!

My DCs have been in both.

It's the peers not the school ime.

I agree with this. Private education isn't always better, but they tend to have smaller classes and offer more opportunities. Duke of Edinburgh award, young enterprise, sports, music, theatre....that type of thing.

Also Lamda qualifications (public speaking) are popular at private schools.

All kids fluent in 2 languages? That’s really interesting, do you live in an area with a homogenous immigrant population (eg Polish, Bangladeshi) or is it Wales or a Gaelic speaking part of Scotland?

My DC goes to a state comprehensive (although in a wealthy, expensive part of the SE). It offers lots of sport and school trips to amazing places like Iceland and South Africa. I would have liked to have sent my children privately for the smaller classes and the connections, but I can't so I encourage a lot of extra curricular, take them on a lot of cultural trips like museums etc., and I have high expectations of them e.g. we talk about university quite a lot, and different types of professional careers.

If you have a very compliant/enthusiastic child, to a degree you can replicate the extra curricular. Not the social side. But if they turn out reluctant and drop out of every activity at 12, there's nothing you can do. It's the compulsory side I think that makes an impact.

This is my experience too.

Private schools are usually extremely good at marketing themselves and offering edited versions of themselves to the public gaze, including the parental gaze (though state schools do this in a big way too these days they're amateurs compared to private).

The school is the school's priority, not the individual pupils. There were fellow students with interesting backgrounds from lots of countries in my year but you get that in any big city too! I made zero career relevant connections although I visited friends in several countries including in Asia by myself before turning 18 (I did summer jobs for airfare money when I was 15, 16 and 17) which is educational and excellent for personal development and confidence in a holistic way but no help career wise.

Most former classmates went on to be teachers and nurses and stay at home mums tbh... Small girls boarding school, lots of compulsory sports, small classes and a penchant for expelling anyone they couldn't manage and brushing the reasons under the carpet (official reason for every expulsion was that they'd been caught smoking).

I have worked in both and I agree. A lot of the advantages that private school kids have do not actually come from anything the school itself provides. The advantages come from their background, their parents and being at school with lots of other kids with similar backgrounds and aspirations.

You can't really because it's just not the same. Even the most gifted at my school were anti-school and education, whereas my DH and his friends were just so ready for the world, so confident.

Really surprised at some state schools not offering extra curriculars. Is this the only state secondary option? We have the choice of a few state schools and all have excellent extra curricular activities (all the ones you mentioned your private school does) but one in addition to all the others offers fencing, Latin and Law which were three the others didn't, so that stood out for me.

Similar to what others have said.. it's the normalisation of high expectations that is the key thing. Ask your child to compare themselves to the highest achievers in their class not the average. When they do well, rather than being happy with a B grade, figure out why they didn't get an A.

I went to a very selective private school and one of my friend's mothers told my DM that my friend was embarrassed to return to school after getting a B in her English GCSE. She honestly wasn't very bright but her life has gone well - decent uni, good grad scheme, wealthy DH.

I do think this culture can be cultivated outside of private schools because it is how the Indian and Chinese families are able to achieve good results even if they aren't well off.

Perhaps the state school is outside the UK. This statement is true by default for everyone in some countries and for a significant minority in many countries.

In many European countries English is taught to a very high standard and any child aiming for university will have to have a third language to the equivalent of A-level regardless of what they're going to study - simply as a blanket admission criteria. Obviously in many boarder areas or in countries with more than one official language most people will be bilingual to a functional level if not native speakers of both languages.

One of the most important advantages of being in a private school is small classes with fewer disruptive pupils.

I suffered badly in the first 2 years of my state comprehensive in Scotland from very disruptive pupils with no interest in learning, who bullied (mentally and physically, during lessons) those of us who did want to learn.

However that was sorted out when we were streamed after Third Year, and in 5th and 6th year they had all left the school completely.

So make sure you pick a state secondary school that streams, as early as possible.

I don’t think a poster with kids outside the UK would answer a question about the UK state system without explaining they were talking about a different system, would they? It’s probably Wales.

Scouts/Guides etc or as a teen, cadets. Great for building soft skills and leadership as well as confidence from trying lots of new things. They can do Duke of Edinburgh through uniformed organisations too.
Drama/public speaking. Again, it's a confidence thing.
Sports; find a local hockey/rugby club. Ask around to find the one with the best junior setup (clubmark accredited etc) and take them to junior training on the weekend.
Take them to the theatre, art galleries and expand their 'cultural capital' by discussing things like art, poetry. Wide reading, modelled by yourself.

Are there still a lot of under 18s who genuinely speak Welsh at home rather than just learning it at school? That's nice to hear!

Yes to "non standard" subjects such as Latin and Further Maths which are pretty rare in state comps. Latin in particular is grossly under-rated as a very useful subject to learn, particularly the basics in year 7 even if they don't continue it as it's invaluable for grammar construction, suffixes/prefixes, tenses, etc., so feeds in nicely for English and MFL. Top maths pupils are being held back if further maths isn't being offered.

And yes to confidence building, public speaking, etc., as pupils are "teased" out of being quiet and encouraged to speak up (at the right time and place), argue their points, debate, etc., often just as a part of normal lessons.

What I've also seen is a lot of "crossover" where different subject classes are taught different aspects of the same topic at the same time. Such as in Geography being taught about rock formations at the same time as rocks in Chemistry. Or aspects of say Victorian or Edwardian history taught in history at the same time that literature of the same era is taught in English Lit. Or basic equations being taught in Maths at start of year 7 to prepare for equations in Physics being introduced later in year 7, etc. All rather than different subjects being taught completely in isolation.

Music and sport and a foreign language.

People assume my sister and I are privately educated.

The key seems to be:

Neutralish accents.
NT/English heritage like experiences.
Holidays in the UK or interesting places abroad.
Endless books.
"Posh" extra curriculars such as riding.

However... These are not the things that make you cool and popular in normal schools. Which isn't the be all and end all. But I'd have given a lot for the occasional naff holiday and to be given something trendy rather than a limited edition illustrated version of Grimm's fairy tales when I was fourteen just because my mum wanted to congratulate herself on how erudite I was.

No idea, I rather imagined that it was a Welsh medium school and the kids also spoke English.

Perhaps connections isn’t the right word.

We know lots of kids who are privately educated and many more who are in state school. We live in South Wales, so we’re definitely not talking about Harrow and Eton here.

It is far, far easier for those in private schools to get work experience and advice from senior professionals in different walks of life than those in state school in my experience. I have several friends whose kids are keen to be Drs and dentists, only those in private schools have managed to get work experience. Their schools often have parents and ex-pupils in to talk about their careers, that doesn’t happen in any of the state schools that I know.

It’s harder to aim high (outside of what you already know) if your eyes haven’t been opened to a broad range of university and career options.

We’re in Wales. It’s a Welsh medium school. It also offers French and Spanish.