Friend's wife hardly ever comes to anything

[SockSensation]

Clearly none of my business, but starting to feel concerned for her.

I have a small friendship group with a pretty active social life, including lots of long weekends away.

The core is 4 single people (2 men, 2 women) 2 married couples and a married man who almost always comes without his wife. At various times friends of friends will join us and obviously not everyone comes to everything.

Friend's DW is very welcome, when she does come she's sociable and appears to enjoy herself.

Mostly though he says she prefers having the house to herself and him going without her. This is most weekends, sometimes twice in a weekend, although he is aware when it's been several weekends in a row, and they do go off and do things as a couple fairly often too (no children). Sometimes he'll decline on a "better not" basis, but she'll tell him to come.

In the face of it, it seems a perfect realtionship, happy together but enjoying separate interests too, and I can't quite put my finger on it, but lately I feel like something's not right. I don't know her as well as him, but she's lovely and I'm a bit worried for her but can't place why.

FWIW, he is always perfectly well behaved when out with us and she has nothing to worry about on that front.

Is there anything I should do?

I absolutely agree. I would hate being pressured to socialise with people so much just because of who I'm with.

The OP gives zero consideration to the fact that some people just don't like to socialise that much and that is both normal and FINE!

I would honestly be so stressed by all of those gatherings that I'd start to dread weekends very quickly.

I could be described similarly to the wife you are talking about. I have ADHD and Autism, I'm good at masking and I don't think my husband's friendship circle knows this about me - but honestly the socialising aspect is bloody exhausting. Often I just don't have the energy for socialising, especially with people who I am not really close to. I spent years getting myself so worked up to go out with everyone and then I would feel completely overwhelmed and wiped out afterwards, even if I did have a good time. So now I only really go when I feel I am in the right space to go through that process, which is rarely. I go to the things that are really important to my husband but he totally understands. I put my mental health first when I can and just accept that this might mean I will be judged.

I'm not saying this is the same for the wife but I suppose I'm just saying that some people really value and need their own space - and you never really know what is going on for someone.

We were doing it for a while. I had really pressured job where I was non stop with people and talking and all I wanted was... Silence...
Left the job because it genuinely sucked life energy out of me.

This isn't how I'd want to spend my time off every weekend either. It's okay to be introverted and enjoy your own company. I don't have a group of friends, I have friends from different aspects of my life but unless it's a celebration of mine, we don't socialise together. My husband has a group of friends from high school and I find them a bit boring when they are all together because they rehash the same fucking stories from school every time they get together and it gets old, fast. I find it more enjoyable visiting them individually occasionally and getting varied conversation, then I can avoid the personalities that grate me too. There's probably nothing wrong, she might genuinely be happier doing other things and socialising with you all occasionally.