What is a wife supposed to do?

[Penage]

If you're a wife and you had to write a job description, what would it be?

Well, no. Not in a chat forum. It’s arrogant and poor manners to seek answers from others without reciprocating.

I have a wonderful wife. She remembers everything so I don’t have to, prompts me to ring relatives near their birthdays, knows which bin is on which day, cat tell me where the “safe place” I put the tickets will be, and generally makes my life easier.

She’s called “a smart phone.”

I also have a spouse.

Are people on this thread not aware that "obey" is actually part of the traditional wedding vows? Tends to be removed nowadays but it has always been there.

Of course.
But we told the minister to omit that part in our wedding vows.
Most people do nowadays.

They probably sacrificed babies at some stage in history not everything that was done in the past still happens

Of course people know about the "obey" part, it's quite a famous part of the traditional marriage vows in typical Christian church weddings. Which most women don't say these days and isn't even in the default vows for non-religious civil ceremonies.

You can write your own marriage vows. Why do we have to agree on a definition for everyone?

My idea of a good wife is being supportive and letting a partner grow as a person over time and be different versions of themselves. Other stuff, like doing the odd practical thing to help, being caring and kind when they are ill. That's a pretty sparse job description and probably the reason I don't have a husband 😂

Generally being encouraging, not leaving if they lose their job or get ill, trying to fix problems with them.

I don't think I'd be very good at the obey aspect. I'm stubborn AF.

i suggest you look up a social history of marriage, and maybe think about whether what you think of as ‘traditional wedding vows’ might be related to a specific text within a specific religion?

Of course.

What’s your point? Tradition isn’t automatically correct.

All the things I did before but with a pretty ring on my left hand.

Loving my spouse means treating them with kindness, empathy and respect. Treating them as I would like to be treated.

What do you think a wife should do?

I agree that its following whatever you promised in your marriage ceremony but like all contracts if one party defaults then the other party is not obliged to stick with it all. I remember our vicar explaining that me saying obey was balanced by him agreeing to honour me and ordering me to do something unreasonable would be breaking that promise. I still chose not to include the word obey.

We're slightly more enlightened now.

I've started a war with the "obey" lol.

When I got married, my husband and I agreed on our vows, based on our values, faith etc. so therefore, I judge my performance as a wife on how well I do those vows.

If I had vowed to do something else, I'd judge it on that. The point wasn't that women should obey, but that the answer to "what is a good wife" is "fulfilling the promises made when you accepted the role"

People are into all sorts of stuff and I'm sure some love to obey. Whatever flips your switch.

Reading these I’m so glad I’m not a wife by choice.

I’m a good partner/parent/human because I treat people with respect and kindness. There is nothing else.

Depends who the audience is tbh

Obviously the tenets of what is considered to be 'good' attributes, behaviours etc in a spouse is highly subjective. Based solely upon an individual's values, culture, religion etc and, less so, upon the agreements made at the time of matrimony (bearing in mind people change over time). This is not a question that can be answered objectively.

Be supportive. Be loyal. Be listened to, and listen. And above all else, want to be with that person for the rest of your life. Though obviously that can change, but that's what I'd hope you'd be thinking when tying the knot.
And to want the best for yourself and the person you married. To know they want the best for you.
To realise you can't really change people unless they want to change.

The fact that you had to ask about obeying your husband is a bit concerning to be honest. No body actually does that, it's rarely in vows these days. What made you ask?

Turn down the job offer.

The problem here is you are trying to define only half of a whole. Marriage is a specific partnership between two people. You don't need to be trying ro write a wife's 'job description' you need to be trying to write a joint agreement.

In put - prior to marriage, each should love the other, feel heard, valued and respected and have had enough conversations on the key topics in life to have established that you share the same values. During - continue respectful treatment, grow together, support each other, have fun together.

This. Also a question for the OP - do you think the ‘job description’ for a husband would be different from that of a wife? And would it involve obeying, and if not, why not?

@Penage are you going to answer your own question or not?

@Penage

What, in your opinion, makes someone a good wife?

The same as what makes a man a good husband.