SN club without SN

[HOL2024]

Our DS6 went back to school and has been invited to join a SN lunch club.

No communication from the school on this, just heard it off him that he’s going to club tomorrow. He does not have any SN and is not under SENCO.

Am I being unreasonable by being extremely pissed off and wanting a meeting with the headteacher tomorrow?

Not really it's the way the poster is coming across

Yes we are white British

My son was sometimes chosen to go to ‘the hub’ at lunchtimes which was the place in school that some SEN kids went for parts/all of their day. I think one of the kids nominated him and a teacher asked and encouraged. He could say no if he wanted to do something else, no big deal. I assume it was a peer-to-peer thing. Our school did a few things like that, P7s doing reading with younger ones, sports leaders setting up games for younger ones at lunchtime etc, school as a community. Hopefully you’ll find out what it’s all about!

Oof, “the difficult kid?”

OMG just ask them. What a fuss over a child being asked to a club. You say there are many issues with the school, surely you should be dealing with them and not a non-issue like this.

You've handled this so badly.

Firstly, when he came home and mentioned it, he was thinking he had been specially chosen, and your job as a parent was to be excited for him.

If you had questions, then you subtly ask them in whatever method your school uses - they vary. Hand written note / message to whoever collects them at the gate in the morning / speak to the TA who brings them out in the afternoon / leave message in the office in person / phone (obviously being aware the Teacher is teaching all day - not sure why you would have expected them to call you back during the school day ) / e-mail (in some schools).
You do NOT need to be fuming / angry at every little thing.
You do NOT need to see the HT when you haven't even made contact with the teacher yet.
The very last thing you should have done is tell your dc he isn't to go. Poor little mite. He will be so confused at the teacher telling him one thing and you telling him another
You don't even know the facts about this club, but are going on 2nd hand presumptions.
When you said it wasn't a friend that chose him, because the other teacher asked for him by name, does it not occur to you that friend could have been asked to name someone, then that adult came to fetch him ?
I can't get my head round why you object to this club so much, but, even if you do, there are ways of communicating. You said the school hasn't communicated well, and criticise them for that, but everything you've written suggests you are guilty of not communicating well here either.

I’ll send a note in tomorrow as I haven’t had chance to speak to anyone. Thanks for the grounding on this which has helped me clarify what questions I should be asking.

I know why wouldn't anyone want their kids to get to know kids that may have special needs I am sorry but I find this so bizarre and the reason earlier I mentioned what I.mentioned ws because I know some cultures really just see education as education and not everything else like the playing etc as important as its obvious tyebchild was hqpy excited

Primary schools run all sorts of clubs at lunchtime- it's usual to not get parents permission for activities that take part during the normal school day. My school runs a lunchtime choir, a story club, library sessions etc. Kids can just attend at will.

During the school day different groups go out for extra learning sessions too- sometimes it's aimed at children with an SEN but we include other children in the group which helps the SEN children because they might need some children who can be role models for certain behaviours. For example- I keep a group of children behind during assembly twice a week to do a social skills group where we focus on speaking and listening, taking turns, sitting still etc. If I only kept the focus children with SEN then it would be difficult so I take a few children who can show a good example and help the session run smoothly for everyone. We don't get parental permission for things llike this because its not needed.

It isn’t that. There are some idiots who want them segregated entirely but that’s not all that often.

Some schools do have a sort of separate unit within the school though for students struggling for a variety of reasons. If you pull a child who doesn’t have SEN and isn’t struggling in any area and place him or her there then you are forcing friendships and isolating that child from their peers. It’s that which is unfair.

My school runs lunch clubs that are targeted for SN children, and a million other criteria, and sometimes they want to bring a friend who isn't in that criteria. Or the child themself asks to attend because they are really fun! And of course we welcome that child regardless of SN or whatever if there's space in the club. We wouldn't seek parental permission as it's a choice for the child to attend or not, nobody is forcing them. In the winter they all want to come to our clubs rather than playing in the cold and drizzle! I get you have problems with their communication, but on this particular issue I don't think the school are out of order.

I assume you mean the child with special needs rather than "the difficult kid".

We really struggle to progress these conversations with school as they are not accessible. We’re in Hampshire and might try to explore moving schools.

What do you mean?

OP, you come across as very controlling and a little precious- if your son likes the club then what is the issue?
Just email the school or ring and speak to the Receptionist- she might know the answer and if she doesn't she will be able to put you in touch with the teacher. You could ask the TA at pick up time too - they often know the answer to most things too- it's probably the TA that runs the club!

The school would no doubt be delighted if you did.

You aren’t coming across as “overdramatic” as you think. You are coming across as a bigot. Plain and simple. With some added control freakery and far more selfishness and far less empathy than a normal human being. Frankly as pretty “special” yourself.

What you appear to have overlooked is if your own child has any additional needs in the future (say he turns out to be dyslexic or develops social anxiety if this is more palatable for you to consider than that he may be neurodivergent or have a minor learning difficulty), the school is far less likely to offer any early intervention to him because they know you will kick off.

Honestly even if your kid has no special needs you ought to be thoroughly ashamed of yourself for teaching him he should boycott a lunch club because he’s better than the other kids who are attending it.

Quite frankly this is communication issues as it could all have been sorted very quickly with a quick conversation. But it’s dragging on as it’s so hard to speak to anyone there.

But communication goes both ways. You've made no effort to speak to them.

I phoned for the teacher to call back Wednesday morning - I haven’t had one.

It's the first week of term. They might have forgotten in the chaos of learning 30 new kids names, needs, labelling books, planning, sorting a classroom, doing annual safeguarding training, first aid training etc etc. Pop into the office and stop being arsey about something that is probably absolutely nothing. Honestly, you aren't coming across well in this at all.

This is a non-emergency situation, certainly not a make contact in the first week of school issue. Just wait for parents evening in a few weeks, give him time to settle in, the teacher time to really get to know him and have a face to face conversation then. Attending (or not) this club for 4 weeks is going to make no difference to his long term school career

If you're really concerned, why not go and ask someone in the office what the lunch club is? But in all honesty you are making a mountain out of a molehill. If your son likes to go and wants to go, what's the issue?

Managed to speak with the school and they suspect that he may have an additional need, so we’re going to work with them to address this concern. Thanks for the support on here with advice but glad that we stuck to our guns.

Managed to speak with the school and they suspect that he may have an additional need, so we’re going to work with them to address this concern. Thanks for the support on here with advice but glad that we stuck to our guns.