I'm absolutely fucking fuming with an aunt of mine

[Mynameisspiral]

I used to like her but she has completely avoided my mother for about two years. She doesn't visit my mother, never texts or calls or sends cards. I thought they got on well but there's been nothing more but silence from her for a few years from her.

My mother is in her early 70s and I see stuff that's not quite right with her any more and I think she has dementia but I don't have a diagnosis. All of this is my suspicions so far. My mother works is so small now and her siblings, she comes from a large family - they are all useless. None of them call or visit. Any time I suggest for my mother to visit or call - I just get aggro. I think it would benifit my mother to do some sort of socialising but she's not doing anything.

I'm friends with my aunty on Facebook but I am so utterly disgusted with her. There has been nothing more but silence from her for two years - not even a happy birthday message to my mother.

I am thinking of blocking her. She's nothing more but a nosy cow and I bet that's why she befriended me on Facebook in the first place.

I don't have any contact with my sister. I have very good reasons for that. How do you know your aunt isn't the same?

Have you any idea if anything happened between them? It's unusual for someone to just cut you off.

Regarding socialising, try your local Age UK and see what's going on locally.

My first thought is that she has health problems of her own - physical, or dementia herself. The latter would affect how she is (eg argumentative) and, if she can't trust her mind, what she can bring herself to do.

And if you literally haven't heard from her...

Does your mum want to have contact with her? My mum and her sister are quite happy to have never spoken in 10 years or so. No falling out, just realised they'd never really liked each other so why would they bother to stay in touch.

Why are you laying all of this on your aunt? Why aren't you and the rest of this large family equally responsible?

I strongly suspect my mother might have a behavioural type of dementia known as FTD. My observations is that it's mood, behavioural, waning comprehension and poor spacial awareness and planning and organisation. Apparantly it's harder to diagnosis because even doctors think dementia is a textbook style of forgetfulness.

According to Google it can run in families. I think there was something with their.

So far it's just me piecej g together some stuff and no e of this is talked about in families. It's unreal. I do strongly suspect there's dementia happening in the family. But it's just not talked about.

Why will they not talk?

I think you need to focus on what is in front of you with your mother. Her siblings are not having a relationship with her. That is just the way it is. It is actually pretty common so there is really no need to dwell on it. Just see what is out there and see if you can get her to engage with the GP and other services. I’m really sorry about what you are experiencing, it sounds very difficult.

Well, does your large family usually get together regularly ?

As a pp said, you seem to be laying this all on your Aunty.
a) what about everyone else
b) have you (or has anyone else) invited your Aunty to things?

Plus, it is equally possible that your Aunty isn't so well either.

Your anger seems irrational and misplaced.

You have no idea why your Aunt has had no contact with your mum. She could have all sorts of problems you don't know about. Rather than fixating on this, I would suggest that you get your mum to the GP and ask for a referral for a dementia assessment.

Agree that your anger seems misplaced.

Are you basically contacting them to suggest they all have dementia?

At best they will think you are acting strangely.

You sound quite dramatic.

You might well be right about the things that would help your mum, but it's not her siblings responsibility to do that for her, any more than it's hers to do things for them. If they had that kind of relationship, you wouldn't have to suggest or force it. They've known each other 70+ years and this is the relationship they have. Better to accept that and figure out how to help your mum yourself or how else it might be provided. She doesn't become a special case for her siblings because you think it should be so. Do you do things for them?

But it doesn't sound like your mother has reached out to her sister either, so why put the blame on your aunt? It really has nothing to do with you.
Just take care of your mother and stop worrying about your aunt who may well be going through her own crisis.

If none of her siblings have a relationship with your mother, why is your fury specifically directed towards your aunt?

You don't know what their relationship as sisters is like. Their relationship as sisters is nothing to do with you. You need to respect that.

And it could be that your aunt sees what you see, and knows she is heading for that as well, and is scared. So her response is denial & avoidance.

Have some compassion.

Has your mother not contacted her sister over the last two years?

She did last year just to tell her an absolute awful god damn whopper of a lie.

@Mynameisspiral

why do you think your Mum is her sisters responsibility??

It was your mum who told the awful whopper lie?

Yes, it was my mother. I don't think my aunt is aware of it though.

The lie was about my dead cousin. Son to my aunt.

Do you think the no contact could be something to do with your mum’s lying??

In that case, to be “absolutely fucking fuming” is unreasonable and extremely odd.

So your mum told an absolute whopper of a lie to your aunt about your aunts dead son and you're still somehow confused as to why your aunt doesn't want to contact your mum??

Isn't it obvious?