I'm absolutely fucking fuming with an aunt of mine

[Mynameisspiral]

I used to like her but she has completely avoided my mother for about two years. She doesn't visit my mother, never texts or calls or sends cards. I thought they got on well but there's been nothing more but silence from her for a few years from her.

My mother is in her early 70s and I see stuff that's not quite right with her any more and I think she has dementia but I don't have a diagnosis. All of this is my suspicions so far. My mother works is so small now and her siblings, she comes from a large family - they are all useless. None of them call or visit. Any time I suggest for my mother to visit or call - I just get aggro. I think it would benifit my mother to do some sort of socialising but she's not doing anything.

I'm friends with my aunty on Facebook but I am so utterly disgusted with her. There has been nothing more but silence from her for two years - not even a happy birthday message to my mother.

I am thinking of blocking her. She's nothing more but a nosy cow and I bet that's why she befriended me on Facebook in the first place.

Yes, if you'd RTFT you'd see that someone has linked that thread on here.

Whoops sorry I only read the OP’s replies, just seen the link

Yeah I think she just keeps you on Facebook to be nosey tbh I'd remove her ....

There is 100% a reason you aunt is avoiding your mother....
And tbh if they haven't been in contact for years why are you trying to involve them now? Look after her yourself .... job done. Oh n take her to her gp so you can stop "suspecting" what's going on

So, your aunt has had to at some point deal with losing a child (regardless of the age of the child, that isn't something one ever recovers from). Then (whether related to her possible dementia or not), your mum told her sister a "whopper of a lie" about her sister's dead son. And somehow in all of this your aunt is supposed to bear responsibility for her sister's health in addition to bearing her grief? I think not. My mum had 3 types of dementia plus Parkinson disease. Her sister had also lost an adult child. I didn't hold my aunt on the hook to be her sister's keeper. I took care of my mum.
I think you might want to speak to someone about your misplaced anger and how to cope with parental illness. It isn't easy, but I would get my mum set up with community resources ASAP.

Wow.
A whopper of a lie 🙄

1. Your aunt doesn't have to actually like her sister.
2. Take your mother to a GP/seek medical advice for her.
3. Get to therapy. I think you're probably looking after your mum, helping her, and you resent being the only one doing so. That's not on you, but there might actually be things mother has done, that have made you sole carer, again not on you. Don't be guilt tripping these family relatives because without context, you don't actually know why your Aunt is behaving like this, but you assume your Mum is entitled to various sisterly things. Why? She lied about a mass (I'm not a Catholic so I can't say how bad that is) you clearly on another hand don't like her, so why are you expecting other people to like her and help, when you aren't sure yourself?

It's normal to feel resentful.

BUT ONLY you know how to handle it, and right now, I think you sound exhausted, so you'll be reacting rather than responding.

If you want to block your Aunt on social media, then do that. That’s your choice to make.

Your Aunt has been through a lot of trauma though if her son has died, no matter when it happened. I think you need to have compassion for that and lower your expectations of her.

If your mum lied about your Aunts son it is no wonder she has stopped talking to your mum. Regardless of any possible illness your mum might have, she doesn’t sound very pleasant to do that.

Do you have bad anxiety? I get in a state (unrationally) about close family a lot due to my silly anxiety!

find your mum some social clubs to join op

Why not arrange to have the Mass said yourself? You identify your Mum isn’t capable of it due to her health, and if it would give your Aunt comfort it would be a kind thing to do.