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Original poster

Daughter dropping all hobbies.

103 replies

FriendlyRobin · 27/08/2024 21:17

My daughter is turning 13 soon and has announced she wants to drop scouts (her interest in this did wane last term) and her sport. This was twice a week and although she was regional level she's plateued and isn't improving so again over summer she's been reluctant to go.

But she will go from a girl who wanted to do everything in primary to someone who doesn't do any activities (dropped her instrument 6 months ago.)

Is this normal for some girls as part of becoming a teen? It does seem that kids either become super competitive at their sports or drop out at this stage. But I'm a bit sad about scouts. But again she's done it for 3 years now.

I don't want her to end up just watching TV every night (or is that also normal?!)

OP posts:
Original poster
FriendlyRobin · 27/08/2024 23:01

Anyone?

OP posts:
WhatsitWiggle · 27/08/2024 23:01

Normal IME

Original poster
FriendlyRobin · 27/08/2024 23:05

Thanks! Do most teenagers just do nothing?

I had an odd childhood so really no idea.

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 27/08/2024 23:05

Ours quite liked having “a thing” so each kept up one sport / activity each. However think this was pretty much because their friends did. Neither were particularly talented tbh but kept doing the thing until 6th form. Is there one activity she genuinely enjoys? You can’t force it though.

Am in awe of those whose teens voluntarily practice instruments I must say.

Original poster
FriendlyRobin · 27/08/2024 23:05

Also other child is surrounded by those who do sport/music on a serious level or are out climbing mountains every other weekend so perhaps not a good benchmark!

OP posts:
Original poster
FriendlyRobin · 27/08/2024 23:07

TheaBrandt · 27/08/2024 23:05

Ours quite liked having “a thing” so each kept up one sport / activity each. However think this was pretty much because their friends did. Neither were particularly talented tbh but kept doing the thing until 6th form. Is there one activity she genuinely enjoys? You can’t force it though.

Am in awe of those whose teens voluntarily practice instruments I must say.

Older sister has a thing she's passionate about which is why I guess I feel sad she doesn't have "a thing" at all. I imagine it's hard starting stuff at 13 too.

She likes to make stuff at home but low level craft for fun and baking perhaps...

OP posts:
RootToVictory · 27/08/2024 23:09

Normal- my DD dropped all her hobbies at this age and within a year had a raft of new hobbies- her choice rather than mine. She dropped piano, ballet and paper crafts and took up sax, netball and oil painting, so not a million miles away. I think it’s part of growing up and becoming independent. I’d just make sure she’s alert to all the things she could be doing and not on her phone 24/7 and I’m sure she’ll soon have whole range of new interests.

Meadowwild · 27/08/2024 23:11

I used to say to mine that they had to have one interest and one sport or fitness thing every week. They could change it up but they had to stick with it for at least a term.

Every single term DS2 said he didn't want to go back to his music school. But he was very socially isolated and it was the one thing that got him out, so we always said give it one more term. He now plays in a band and they do well, get loads of gigs and have become good friends.

DS1 got so good at one sport he was asked to try out for the Olympic team but it wasn't his thing and he wanted it to stay fun not obsessive so he said no. Both have got so much fun out of sticking with stuff and getting good at it.

Original poster
FriendlyRobin · 27/08/2024 23:55

We've done "sticking" with for quite a while and I'm not going to make her stick at something she doesn't want to do. I've seen the kids at orchestra that truly don't want to be there!!

Ideally I'd love her to have a thing though. Not quite sure how to encourage the new things but maybe the space in the week will give her time to explore. I really don't want her just ending up on screens constantly!

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 28/08/2024 00:00

She can have hobbies that she can do at home though.
Her interest in crafts could easily be encouraged. Around that age I liked making clothes for my Care Bear. Now it's many years later (I'm almost 50) and I still like sewing crafts (and Care Bears 🙂)

whiteboardking · 28/08/2024 00:02

Normal

mathanxiety · 28/08/2024 00:07

FriendlyRobin · 27/08/2024 23:07

Older sister has a thing she's passionate about which is why I guess I feel sad she doesn't have "a thing" at all. I imagine it's hard starting stuff at 13 too.

She likes to make stuff at home but low level craft for fun and baking perhaps...

Show quote history

I'd say encourage the baking. Thirteen is when one of my DDs decided cake baking and decoration was her thing. She got really good and has made quite a lot of money over the years, and we have enjoyed the rejects.

mathanxiety · 28/08/2024 00:08

Instead of a sport, could you and she go to a gym together or take up jogging?

Fitness is important, and a role model in the family can make a huge difference.

whiteboardking · 28/08/2024 00:09

We haven't allowed our DC to give up stuff that we know they enjoy once there. But they do a bit less and most of their mates do very little - maybe one thing a week

Growlybear83 · 28/08/2024 00:13

I think this is entirely normal for most girls of that age, and it's exactly what happened with my daughter. And, apparently, me when I turned 13.

Original poster
FriendlyRobin · 28/08/2024 00:20

13 seems to be the magic number for girls then!
Thankyou.

Yes we can use the time to encourage baking/cooking and encouraging her enjoyment of crafty bits. I was quite academic and difficult childhood and I need to get out of my head of something being "good" to have value - her enjoying craft is her way of relaxing.

I have limited mobility otherwise I'd love to encourage the exercise together. I am a bit concerned about her dropping a sport (as I know is an issue for many girls reaching puberty) and will see if I can steer her into something a bit more gently active.

I think "things at home" could well be fun and we could save some of the money from her clubs for baking and the such.

OP posts:
CSanDiego · 28/08/2024 06:56

We said (also for DS) that they could stop a sport once they've done all the paid for sessions but they need to replace it with another sport.

Allthegoodnamesaretaken92 · 28/08/2024 09:22

What sport is it?

I ask because at 13 and the onset of puberty tends to throw their strength to weight ratio out. They go from being strong with a tiny body that’s easy to throw about, to a body that is getting bigger much more quickly than they can gain strength.

this explains the plateau, and why a lot of girls give up around this age. They confront being good to getting slower, can’t get near PB’s, stuff they did easily is now hard.

i gave up dance at this age as I went from being very good to struggling to keep up. Plus an old school teacher who would tell you you’re crap if you couldn’t do things.

it was years later when a nun of all people asked how I’d managed the strength:weight ration decrease as a teen. Light bulb moment.

might be worth talking it through with her? If she can accept a couple of years plateau things will likely improve as she finishes growing.

Allthegoodnamesaretaken92 · 28/08/2024 09:27

Meadowwild · 27/08/2024 23:11

I used to say to mine that they had to have one interest and one sport or fitness thing every week. They could change it up but they had to stick with it for at least a term.

Every single term DS2 said he didn't want to go back to his music school. But he was very socially isolated and it was the one thing that got him out, so we always said give it one more term. He now plays in a band and they do well, get loads of gigs and have become good friends.

DS1 got so good at one sport he was asked to try out for the Olympic team but it wasn't his thing and he wanted it to stay fun not obsessive so he said no. Both have got so much fun out of sticking with stuff and getting good at it.

Wow Olympic trials! To get to the point where you’re one of the top few in the country with the ability to make the Olympic team you usually need to be pretty dedicated. Very unusual to turn that down after so many years of work to get there!

KvotheTheBloodless · 28/08/2024 09:28

Tell her she can drop her sport, but she needs to pick another one - that's what we do with DS, who's discovered loads of interesting sports over time. Karate, skiing, climbing, swimming... she could pick anything, as long as it's active. Teen girls need to keep up with sport especially, as many stop altogether which is really sad (and bad for their health).

Re: Scouts, no problem, she doesn't have to carry on if she doesn't want to. She'll choose another interest in due course.

Ibouncetothebeat · 28/08/2024 10:19

I would try to get to the root of why she doesn't want to go. Does she feel like she isn't improving, well quitting doesn't help that practise does. What can you do to support her getting better. Is she bored, then choose something else and see if you like that.

I have a very unpopular opinion on MN I want my child to have activities. Laying about the house all day saying "teens need downtime too" will definitely not be my style.

TheTimeIs1111 · 28/08/2024 10:20

It's pretty common for a 13 yo to drop their hobbies, unfortunately. I think sometimes things just lose their cool factor or they really just aren’t into it anymore. A friend of mine is dealing with this, her daughter is quitting dance and we strongly suspect it’s because it's not seen as cool anymore, but she’s hanging out with kids who rap and vape ( cool at that age). They become a lot more self conscious that age and do stuff to fit in with friends. It goes from wanting to please mum to wanting to please the crew.

redskydarknight · 28/08/2024 10:24

Before I opened the thread I thought to myself "I bet she's 12 or 13".

Yes, it's really normal. I used to be a Guide leader. 12 is a huge drop out point.
I think at this age lots of girls want to be with their friends rather than "doing things". I found my DD picked up new things because her friends were doing them. And she also spent a lot more of her time socialising. Plus the volume of work at school started to ramp up. So she wasn't sitting about doing nothing.

I'd encourage your daughter to do more than sit on her phone every night. But she will probably naturally start to do different things anyway.

WheresMySupportCat · 28/08/2024 10:24

Meadowwild · 27/08/2024 23:11

I used to say to mine that they had to have one interest and one sport or fitness thing every week. They could change it up but they had to stick with it for at least a term.

Every single term DS2 said he didn't want to go back to his music school. But he was very socially isolated and it was the one thing that got him out, so we always said give it one more term. He now plays in a band and they do well, get loads of gigs and have become good friends.

DS1 got so good at one sport he was asked to try out for the Olympic team but it wasn't his thing and he wanted it to stay fun not obsessive so he said no. Both have got so much fun out of sticking with stuff and getting good at it.

I insist on 1 thing as well. But mainly because Ds1 is very socially isolated and socially anxious and would stay in his room all day. We have a 30 minute swimming class every week designed for children with special needs and that is his one thing. He can tolerate it because we just flop around the two of us and he does not have to interact.

DS2 is 2 years younger (12) and launches full pelt into everything going.

But I think school is so intense nowadays and your DD will (i assume) be getting into the more intense years leading to GCSEs etc. Children do need alot of downtime IMO particularly because the intensity of school hits the same sort of time as puberty and teenage hormones. It's hard being a teen- and exhausting. So I think on balance I would encourage she sticks to one thing she likes above the others, but let her decide.

Nannyfannybanny · 28/08/2024 10:26

Dgks13,14 boy and girl. Fads sports, DGD was football training with Chelsea, came lockdown. I cant see how you can "make" a child do something or a sport. That was tried, take them to the arena etc, they just didn't participate. Hormones,boys, make up clothes.