Best age to give a phone to kids

[Gifgaf]

My soon to be 8 year old keeps asking us when she gets a phone and I have to explain numerous times she's too young right now and will think about it once she's independent enough.

What is the right age really ? How do you approach this question without making them wish to be older straight away ?

If you say so.

I am actually a great role model & fantastic mother for my child, and a few posts on here won't ever give you the privilege of knowing that well.

Happy to be a helicopter parent and over the top any day. My kids are genuinly happy and can't see it changing. If my kids grew to be unhappy over a phone/ socials or anything of that kind it's because I am not providing them a fun or good enough childhood to replace that sadness with.

Its not judgemental to genuinely care about not only about my kids but also kids all over. It's the trait of a decent human being!

If I found extreme, I speak from experience and it's for a good reason. I hope non of you ever have to experience with your kids.

Sounds like a good plan.

As late as possible.

You say you are a great mother. We have no proof of that.

I am sure the mothers of the northern, poorly dressed children also say they are good mothers. 🤷‍♀️

Why do I need to give you proof ? I don't even know you.

Would you let your young child go out with half their body out? If yes, then you've answered your own question. A genuine good parent cares how their child looks and behaves because they don't want weird minded people to look at them in a predator minded way.

We're talking about your own flesh and blood here that came from your body. It makes me want to throw up to think of any perv even clocking eyes with my kids.

If this is true, it is wild!

Sm shouldn't be a thing for an 8 year old because other kids have it isn't a good enough reason. Sensible isn't a good enough reason...plenty of sensible teenagers end up being bullied, self harming etc why expose a child to that risk?
They don't need a phone until going out alone.

Same as others on here, phones at 11 before starting secondary but only what's app. Then my eldest got Instagram at 13 - private account and we follow each other so I can see who she's friends with - and has just got Snapchat at the end of year 9, after campaigning for it since she turned 14. I've said she has to join family centre as a condition so I can see who she's talking to and she can't use location.

Basically it's a balance. Doing it gradually means they have time to learn how to use each app and hopefully are sensible enough not to abuse it.

I don’t want proof! My point was just because you say you are a good mother doesn’t mean you are any better than the mothers of the northern children you talk about who probably also say they are good mothers.

I personally think I am a great mother, my DD is polite, sensible, intelligent, extremely kind, creative, open minded and sociable. But heaven forbid, she also has a phone (without SM), goes out independently with friends, enjoys sleepovers and even wears the occasional crop top!! Call SS on me now!

What my DD wears (within reason, obviously she’s not shopping in Ann Summers) has absolutely no reflection of my parenting.

The contradiction is mind blowing TBH; On the one hand, that you're allowing your child to pester you, aged 8, for various things based on what they've seen pushed on YouTube. On the other hand, that you say (now) that you intend to prevent them going out alone until 15/16.

If you want to protect them, protect them now from consumerist pressure and online dangers ("we live in an era..." is no excuse)but let them have normal opportunities to mature alongside their peers through secondary.

If this is true, it is wild!

It really is.

We allowed from Year 7 for our eldest then Year 6 for our youngest to give him a chance to get used to it and learn to regulate.

She's 7! You have plenty of time to rethink 😆

Why wouldn't she do camps? Is that also something you've already decided?

Have you never heard horror stories of school residentials

You seem to pick and choose what suits you rather than what's good for your child.

I am actually a great role model & fantastic mother for my child

On a separate note, I never believe anybody who says something like this^.

Nobody who is genuinely being a diligent parent is ever this cocky about it. It's much too hard a job to be this arrogant about.

I didn't know the Taliban were on Mumsnet.

We went with 11 which was about half way through year six for both dd's. It's allowed them to keep in contact with friends that didn't go to the same high school. Also adapt to using phones before year 7. Dd2 is about to start year 7 but dd1 uses hers for her bus ticket, checking her timetable/homework and organising any meet ups with friends. None have come through me in high school.

I feel it's worked, we have safe settings via Google family link. And both dc have to ask if they want to use their phones - they don't have full free use of them. No phones in bedrooms either. Unless during the day and they have a friend round or they get a phone/video call.

With all due respect, your almost 8 year old has absolutely zero concept in any real way of the dangers that are out there in this world. Most much older teenagers struggle to wrap their heads around the idea of it so it's impossible to believe a 7 year old has even a fraction of the understanding that they might. It's your job as her parent to guide her, not for her to be influenced by YouTube or social media fads.

DS got a phone for his 10th birthday which is when he started walking to/from school alone.

So you’re concerned about sexual predators but you let your 7 year old play Roblox?

My DS has been asking for a phone for years. Says all of his friends have one (which does seem to be true!)

He will be 11 in October and starts year 6 next week. I think we are going to get him a phone for Christmas. This will give him the second half of the school year to get used to managing a phone with his current friendship group before starting senior school.

He already knows that when he gets a phone there will be strict rules;

No Snap Chat whatsoever, at all
Has to leave the phone with us overnight
If we request to look through it we can with no warning, any resistance will result in it being taken away
Can’t download any apps without our permission

I imagine as he gets older, and more mature these rules will slowly fade away over the next few years.

@Gifgaf I'd stop access to YouTube and stick to TV you can trust, so they're less exposed to the overall trends til they're old enough to navigate?

It's not something to be proud of being OTT. It's poor parenting. If you are so over-anxious and neurotic that you damage your children then you should be in counselling.

Year 5 or 6 for a full phone is fine. If you haven't parented properly up until that point, then your child may already be damaged. They may access something bad on the internet at any time, but if they are grounded and sensible, it won't scar them.

I actually agree to this, and regret giving that much access to begin with.

Fair enough, what kind of phone are you thinking of getting him ?

I think if they're walking alone then it makes sense but if they're not then they wouldn't see the point of getting one. I have sometimes left my phone to DD if she's away with family & wants to message or call me but that's rare and only a short period