Best age to give a phone to kids

[Gifgaf]

My soon to be 8 year old keeps asking us when she gets a phone and I have to explain numerous times she's too young right now and will think about it once she's independent enough.

What is the right age really ? How do you approach this question without making them wish to be older straight away ?

@Gifgaf

It's not my opinion or views for fun, it's literally what exists and what I've seen and it's sad. Get off your high horse, as if you would be ok with your young child doing the same, and if you are then I genuinely feel bad for you

I never said anything about what I would or would not allow my children to do.

Your statements about 'up north' are truly disgusting and you should be ashamed. I'm embarrassed for you.

She's 7

With that being said, she doesn't actually like to sleepover anywhere unless myself or DH are there.

There was a story recently of a dad who was convicted because he has drugged his daughter's friends drinks in the hope of doing something when they go to sleep. That's one of many many stories and many many reasons to have worries.

I can't really see her doing any camps and anything school related I would imagine is usually well supervised by teachers.

Most SM has a minimum age of 13 for a reason. Those saying you check their kids phones regularly really don't know what's out there. My job involves situations where kids have been groomed over social media. Kids as young as 6 have been contacted and persuaded to exchange photos of themselves. The "offender" will tell them to delete all evidence after each contact so parents don't know. Or they take them to other platforms. Sometimes these images are passed around other "offenders". Sometimes the kid gets blackmailed to provide more images/money/get their friends involved in exchanging images. Trust me. The parents don't know a thing until it's too late. They reckon 80% of primary age kids who have phones have been sent an unsolicited photo of an erect penis by the time they leave primary school. Be that from other classmates or people on the internet.

Then there is the bullying from other kids which can be so bad it leads to suicide. These messages get deleted as well before the parents get to check the phone.

Some of my DDs friends have had phones since being 6. Including social media. They are cunning. They delete loads of stuff so their parents don't see it. They probably know the ins and outs of their phone better than the parents. Then there's the parents that take their kids phones and reply to messages to the other kids pretending to be their child.

My DD doesn't have a phone. She is Y6. If she gets one soonish she will not be allowed social media until I think she can handle what's out there and be prepared and is mature enough to behave appropriately.

It's the parent's choice if to give a phone or not but most parents are massively naive. The issues that happen in just one county is enough to pay me a full time wage.

DD is 17 now.

She got a phone with no sim, so basically an ipod, when in Y5. She could log into our wifi, similar to her tablet but only in shared areas, she didn't have it in her room. She listened to music, audiobooks, played games and took photos.

In Y6 she got a sim after Easter. She had a brick phone before as she walked alone and also was all day in the stable on weekends, so we could communicate. It worked ok but she wasn't happy not having a smart phone and it caused bullying in school.

In secondary a smart phone was basically normal. Some apps were used by the school, she needed the bus app, train app, maps. She got WhatsApp with 12 because texting and emails is not something they do at all.

She was 15 before Snapshot and 13 before Instagram. Insta also had controls that we had to agree to her posting a photo and we monitored who she followed and who followed her.

Her phone was monitored until she was nearly 16 and she couldn't download any app without our approval.

I agree that smartphones do cause problems but unfortunately the world developed around them and schools take advantage of technology as well, so you are an outsider socially and helpless when it comes to practial tasks without one.

I genuinely don't understand what is "disgusting" about something I have seen there when I've visited and believe to be sad for the child?

If I was making a statement on something that wasn't found to be true but purely based on my opinion, that would be wrong but I am pointing out something I have seen is a fact!

I am more embarrassed that people don't see the issue...

Teachers who could also be potential abusers?

@Gifgaf

Prejudice and stereotyping is disgusting.

@Changedfournow

Unfortunately most parents do not take the time and educate themselves and also don't teach their children to deal with technology.

There is no point in saying "not before 16" when you haven't taught your 15 year old how to navigate the internet.

OP, your child, your choices. You can parent however you want and it has nothing to do with anyone and feel some of these posts are a bit harsh on you.

However, your comments about children in the north are rude and judgemental. Let's hope your child, with or without a phone and SM, doesn't grow up as judgemental of others as you.

Yes definitely- no phones allowed in bedrooms at all, only downstairs, and no access to TikTok/snapchat etc until much older - Y9 was when my eldest started asking and he’d shown he could be responsible with the phone. Still not allowed to post anything though!

Nokia brick in the spring of yr6 is what we’ve done. A group of parents with kids going to same secondary as our have done the same. We’ll see what happens when they actually get to secondary. We may cave and give a locked down smart phone in yr7 / mostly cos DC loves listening to music (and we have an Apple Music sub) and doing Duolingo. If there’s a WhatsApp group that they’re missing out on we might put that on a tablet or desktop so they aren’t left out of social arrangements. No social media until at least 13.

The dumb phone/ brick is great in theory, and morality, but has proven a bit awkward. You can’t get text and call only plans anymore. Sending photo messages (mms) costs a lot on top of any plan. Emojis don’t show up on texts from friends. None of these are deal breakers, and we’re sticking with it for now. But it means we’ll probably give them a locked down smart phone earlier than previously planned.

Theres surely a big market for a ‘safe’ phone that’s half way and a good first phone. And a provider plan that goes with it.

During y6 all of the class got phones and DS would have been left out socially if he didn’t have one
he got one (an hand me down) smart phone for Christmas of y6 when he was 10 and a half.
ideally he would have been older but didn’t want him to be left out. The plus side is he started to organise his own socialising.

So a child dressed in very revealing clothes and extreme amounts of makeup is ok ? I actually didn't realise 'Northern bashing' was a thing until I could see how many people felt triggered over it. I must not be the first person to point it out then. I literally only mentioned North because it was the only example where I have seen something like that and it made me feel really uncomfortable. Absolutely no intentions of bashing people from the North just what I had seen. Even so, it doesn't make it ok and as a parent if you agree with that, it's shameful.

True to a point but school settings tend to be in larger group settings.

Where we are generally kids get phones on their 11th birthday, in time for the increased independence which comes with secondary school. Closely monitored, most kids I know (now aged 13) don't have Snapchat or TikTok, but use WhatsApp for staying in touch. They also have time limits and phones off at night. That said a few of DDs friends don't have WhatsApp and they just text.

I think there is much more education in schools than previously- DD had discussions at school on the dangers of online grooming etc from about year 4, and parents were also encouraged to discuss with their kids. That doesn't mean that kids won't find a way round restrictions but there is a balance to be had of preparing kids for the online world without letting them have too much access too soon

Agree with this 100%

16 I suppose but she can have all the tech here, so what is issue? as long we supervise. Phone with internet to school, no

It's not to bash them because I genuinely feel sorry for them. 9/10 it's a reflection of the kind of parent they have and it makes me feel bad for them. Let's be honest here, every single person here has been judgemental about something in their life or has certain opinions and views they won't share because of fear of what others will think of them.

I personally am not bothered by a child wearing revealing clothing or make up.
I still see them as a child so if you see them as “sexualised” just because they wear make up or revealing clothes then you are the problem.

Kids rely on decent adults to look out for them and protect them from all sorts of predators. If you see nothing wrong, it makes me question what kind of person you are... If an 11 year old posts a very revealing photo online because you know they have access to a phone, I am guessing you'll look past because you're not "sexualising" them. I know what I would do, report it until it goes down. I hope you think and do better for your kids at least.

Totally agree. Even some of the parents I am friends with who have given phone to their the. 6 year olds. One who is a police officer. I despair. One parent who I'm no longer friends with who admitted to taking her DD phone at night and was messaging her friends pretending to be her. That is before you even get to the internet/SM.

This isn't about your child and what age to give them a phone. You've clearly made up your mind regarding that so your original post is pointless.
You're just taking the opportunity to be rude about northerners. What a role model for your child you are!!

My son is 22 so going back a bit, I did no smart phones/social media until 16. I just got him a phone that could call and text only.

As a secondary teacher, I think secondary school age is the time for a smartphone, although closely monitored by parents. Many teachers in our school use them for educational use (phones are collected in a pocket when not in use in class, we dont use tablets yet). Kids are on to new apps every single day and some are horrendous!

As for an 8 year old on TikTok..... absolutely not!!!!

The summer before high school