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Oh what financial fools we’ve been

313 replies

Platform8 · 26/08/2024 21:11

Good evening,

So today DH and I finally sat down, pulled our credit reports and faced up to years of spending fuckery. We are early 40’s with 2 teens. In ‘good’ jobs with a reasonable mortgage. I earn 65k and DH earns 50k. I also earn an additional 5-10k on freelance work .

for years we have been financial dickheads taking fancy holidays, spending on the house, cars, supporting other family members and generally buying whatever we want. We’ve consolidated many times and run up debt again and again. We tried to remortgage recently but we were declined due to our level of borrowing.

I owe 47k and dh 44k. Please be gentle…. I know how atrocious this is. We also owe my mum 18k but she has said that there’s no rush to repay.

so…. This is where things change. Thankfully we can afford the payments if we get our spending under control. we’ve been through everything and we think that we can throw £3500 at the debt. It will still take a while but we WILL do it

what fucking idiots we have been

OP posts:
StiffyByngsDogBartholomew · 29/08/2024 08:55

Platform8 · 27/08/2024 20:07

I 100% won’t. I’ve got two very happy, healthy children who have a great life. If I can’t afford to support them through uni then they will have to have student loans in the way that most other students do. Sorry if this disappoints you but there isn’t any shame here!

And uni isn't the be all and end all anyway ! Lots of unis are struggling with student numbers apparently as increasing amounts of young adults are deciding it's just a waste of money. Maybe they won't want to go.
also there are plenty of sponsorship routes depending on what your dc want to do.

Sunnydaysaredisppearing · 29/08/2024 08:58

Alltoowell10minuteversion · 29/08/2024 08:43

@Sunnydaysaredisppearing then how do they learn to drive? Or are you expecting your kids to pay for it themselves? Equally at uni - if you’re on the salaries the OP is, it’s a bit much to expect your kids to pay the whole lot themselves IMO.

They wait until they've left uni and have a job. A car is an unnecessary expense at university.

MyDarlingClementine · 29/08/2024 08:58

@Finistereoverthere

Oh so you had a mum who offered some advice?

Many many many people don't have any responsible parent at all let alone one who can impart advice.

If the concept of spend less than you earn was so easy then there would be no debt crisis line and so on.
That's not talking about people who literally can't afford to live.

Stoufer · 29/08/2024 09:09

OP - I wish you all the best with your plans to become debt-free. Well done for taking that first step!

I think it is a really useful exercise for anyone to do - to audit what you are spending money on, and see if you can reduce it, whatever salary level, or financial status you are. Going through bank statements etc to see where the big spends are, or the regular, smaller spends, that just add up to a large sum of money over a year.

When we are cost-cutting, I set myself a target of expenditure to reduce in the year, and do a spreadsheet listing things and sums, and it can be really satisfying (which helps off-set the feelings of having to deny yourself, or reduce). We also tend to do things like save up for something and buy it outright, rather than buy it with monthly payments (which works out massively expensive). Also ‘brand new’ is not your friend - so we have always bought secondhand phones, cars, furniture etc
And it is also very good for the environment!

Reducing number and type of holidays, switching to just small presents for adults, and cutting back on budgets for kids presents.

Re: Driving lessons for kids - depending on where you live (and whether good public transport), this could wait til later, til they are earning and can pay themselves.

Also, making others aware that you are cutting back would be a good thing, so you don’t get peer-pressured into doing things that blow your budget for months.

And always operating a ‘cooling off’ period, between the time you decide you want to buy something, and when you actually go and buy it. Maybe a month? So you can actually decide if you need it, before you buy, and maybe the desire to buy will go.

It can really help to have a massive clear out of your house as well, to get rid of lots of clutter; as your mindset shifts, and you realise that each new object that you bring into your home is just more clutter, and can become a burden on how calm your house feels.

I’m sorry if others have already mentioned all the above - but good luck anyway!

Boomer55 · 29/08/2024 09:25

Try this site:

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan/

AutumnJoys · 29/08/2024 13:46

@Platform8 I could really relate to your post, we were exactly the same and in a cycle we couldn't seem to get out of, paying crazy amounts in minimum payments every month and never seeing the balance get any lower.

It IS easy to do, we lived well for a decade and had loads of fun! So slightly regretful of the big debt but overall, silliness and fun times.

We got a loan from a family member and are paying it back. We're 10 payments in and there's 24 to go, and it is really satisfying every month to tick one off.

Good luck to you!

And I'm glad the nutters who've come out to play on this thread haven't bothered you. You have to have a tough skin to post a thread on mn these days. Especially if you're a high earner.

ps the suggestion on page one was a great one. Just to refresh, in case you missed it, they suggested you throw 2k at it every month, save 1.5k for emergencies. Then put all of the 4.5 (or whatever's left after emergencies) on it in one go every 3 months. It will feel wonderful!

GnomeDePlume · 29/08/2024 13:51

Family advice is all very well but it is often out of date. It is also heavily tainted by personal attitudes and prejudices.

If I followed my DB's advice I would avoid all online financial transactions and would still be using cheques to pay for things.

CalicoPusscat · 29/08/2024 14:30

You might even enjoy your new financial goals, paying it off and seeing the debt going down, evaluating your spend pattern and possibly selling some things.

I have a relatively small amount of debt but as I have also a small amount coming in each month this leaves me with less after housing, bills etc if that makes sense?

Good luck!

butterfly0404 · 29/08/2024 19:13

Have you made any immediate progress OP ?

When I was up the financial Swannee I started to make changes that day when I realised it was basically do or die.

I started embedding new behaviours and teach my self that every penny is precious. My first thing was to meal plan and keep to a set food budget and within the first month I'd saved hundreds

This has served me well 15 years later.
Really interested to hear how you tackle it.

JaketheVaulter · 29/08/2024 21:47

They wait until they've left uni and have a job. A car is an unnecessary expense at university.

@Sunnydaysaredisppearing both of my children needed a driving licence to get their jobs, they couldn't afford a car at university but wouldn't have got a job without having learnt.

Thameslock · 02/11/2024 18:01

Was pro rata in a similar situation many years ago, a divorce followed by my business going bust really did for me. Got through it and am sure you will to.

One unintended delight is that for 30 years now have put every penny of expenditure on my Credit card and paid it off in full every month, If those bastards ever think they ate going to get their a penny of their ridiculous APR off me ever again….😉

Loubilou23 · 17/11/2024 18:29

Can’t believe some of the dickish comments on this thread 🙄

How are you getting on OP?

Notquitethere60 · 19/01/2025 01:51

Good on you for admitting you have overspent in the past. I think that some people are programmed to happily spend beyond their means and not worry and others worry and don’t overspend. They would be seen as tight.
I’ve always been careful and have never paid interest on a credit card. I think young people should be taught more about finances in school.
just paying the minimum on a credit card is never a good idea.
See the new normal as a game. Enjoy cutting down on your spending and see it as a challenge. Pay the £3500 off first per month. I second MSE as a great resource.
You never needed all that stuff. Good luck!

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