Oh what financial fools we’ve been

[Platform8]

Good evening,

So today DH and I finally sat down, pulled our credit reports and faced up to years of spending fuckery. We are early 40’s with 2 teens. In ‘good’ jobs with a reasonable mortgage. I earn 65k and DH earns 50k. I also earn an additional 5-10k on freelance work .

for years we have been financial dickheads taking fancy holidays, spending on the house, cars, supporting other family members and generally buying whatever we want. We’ve consolidated many times and run up debt again and again. We tried to remortgage recently but we were declined due to our level of borrowing.

I owe 47k and dh 44k. Please be gentle…. I know how atrocious this is. We also owe my mum 18k but she has said that there’s no rush to repay.

so…. This is where things change. Thankfully we can afford the payments if we get our spending under control. we’ve been through everything and we think that we can throw £3500 at the debt. It will still take a while but we WILL do it

what fucking idiots we have been

I've only read the OP.

I bet there's been some shitty responses, but well done for facing up to it. I think you will feel amazing as your debts get smaller.

Selfishly this has made me feel better about my 5k credit card debt which I paid off this year.

If my kids were in this much debt, I really wouldn’t mind them having this attitude towards money I’d let them borrow. I’d hate to be considered part of this kind of stress, especially if I could live without the money comfortably.

OP, you’ve been really brave. Facing it is the hardest part. You’ve got a clear plan. Good luck!

That’s great but your whole mindset has to change. I really don’t understand racking up huge debts like that for holidays, cars etc & also tapping your poor mum for money.

You need a completely different outlook on what’s actually important in life. Stuff is just stuff. It doesn’t matter. You have to look at why you felt the need for so much stuff. Who were you trying to impress?

I really don’t think we are trying to impress anyone. It was just disorganised chaos across two equally silly people!

Yes I googled, car loans are maybe different, as usually secured against the vehicle.

does your 110 inc car loans, ?

Yes it does, thankfully!!

I understand that many long-married couples even with children run separate finances, which always seems odd to me but that's just me, so I noticed that you say you owe one amount and husband another.

Would it be sensible for the future to have joint credit cards with joint decisions as to what is being spent?

Joint finances in the past might have stopped you both merrily spending away, not realising that the other is also doing the same!

I hope you get it sorted with not too much pain.

I've been married for almost 40 years. We've always had separate finances. We still talk about big purchases and bills but no way am I having joint cards.

Bear in mind a lot of people lease cars and therefore don’t have loans but they may well have a monthly payment that is equivalent to a car loan without the benefit of ever actually owning it.

I think you have been extremely honest on here and shrugged off the negatives. I'm still curious, was there no point in recent years that you looked at what you owed and thought perhaps it was a problem? What about savings? I can't get my head round people on such high incomes having no savings.

What have you decided to do differently on a daily basis other than not borrow more money? Have you confided in the teenage DC? Their standard of living may change visibly if you cut out fancy holidays and unnecessary purchases. You might find they are on board with helping and it will be a useful lesson to them to learn how to live below their means.

It can be done & you will both get there and become debt free if you are both fully committed.
I became debt free in July ( apart from mortgage ) after paying back nearly £15,000 to various CC, overdraft and personal loan to my BIL.
The relief I felt not owing money to anyone was immense. The money I was paying each month to my debt is now being used to overpay on my mortgage, which will now be paid off by December 2025 instead of March 2028 and I also now have a savings account.
It took me until I was 55 to see sense with money. I am now 60 and still mortgaged on my home which technically should have been paid off when I was 53 if I hadn't remortgaged twice to pay off accumulated debt each time.
I still have my youngest son living at home (20) & the best advice I can give him is DO NOT GET CC's. He is far more sensible with money than I ever was at that age.
Good luck to you, you can be debt free.

There seem to be a few of your who have come on this thread in order to make snide comments about the OP.

They don't help, they're not constructive and they are a very nasty reflection on your personalities. I hope that you all lead perfect and blameless lives and never spend too much, drink too much, eat too much, exercise too little, buy too much or any of the myriad of mistakes that humans make.

OP spent too much - sure it was foolish but now she's dealing with the consequences. My nan always used to say "if you've got nothing nice or helpful to say don't say anything at all" Quite a few of you could do with that maxim

@Platform8 I really hope you manage to get a grasp on this and follow up on some of the helpful advice given by PPs. Ignore the idiots

Good luck OP At least you’ve had some nice experiences while your kids were growing up. It’s time to pull your belts in but you can do it. If yoûve got two cars can you sell/ get rid of one? Saves such alot with insurance , petrol and maintenance.We’ve done that , we really didn’t need two.( we live in a city though)

I can’t believe some of the comments on this thread, the op has and is facing up to her/ their debt. It seems the likes of @Soretoothfairy just want to feel superior and have made nothing but unhelpful snide comments, whereas the op is hoping for constructive ideas. Yes they’ve made a mistake and they’re now facing up to it.
I can see due the circles we live in how easy it is to do ( and before you ask no we don’t have debt apart from our mortgage). As long as they could service the debt it didn’t seem a problem, they work hard therefore thought they deserved a nice holiday, kids want new tech / trainers again same mentality “ good salaries we should be able to afford it, what’s another few hundred on the CC”.
I strongly believe debt shouldn’t be written off , you borrow it you pay it back even at a few pound a week.
Well done for tackling this head on op, and as others have said don’t make your budget too unrealistic, better to pay it back a little bit slower and still have a life . It sounds like you’ve got a plan . Well done - stick with it

Oh give over with the analysising shite, you’re so far off the mark I’m embarrassed for you.

@Soretoothfairy all I can assume is you have toothache and that’s what making you so miserable. Why comment on these threads if all you’re going to do is be bitchy and sanctimonious ? People post for advice and opinions, not to be judged and slated for their life choices.
Im not getting into a slanging match with you but must just assume you have a bloody miserable life

Please stop attacking me.

OP are you in Scotland?

If in England you will be expected to top up and help your kids at Uni 7k to 10k on top of their loans which you are expected to provide.

You will need 2k per kid for driving lessons and tests too.

I suggest saving alongside paying off debt.

Are all your debts on 0% interest?

Have you considered moving house to release equity to pay off a big chunk of the debt? I don't think it is necessary on your wages if you stick to your new budgeting mindset.

@Soretoothfairy I’ll ask you again- are you ok?

Thank you. The negative comments don’t bother me one bit though, I’m quite resilient and not easily offended! I certainly haven’t list and sleep over it!

for me, it’s just a problem that needs fixing. It’s one area of my life that we’ve made a bit of a mess of. Other areas of my life are not n much better shape. I’ve hit a good job that I live, a lovely healthy family, nice friends and my own home. Lots to be very grateful for.

Well done for facing in/up to things...I know from personal experience how easy it is to rack up debt!

I'm (almost!) at the end of my debt journey, mortgage free in a couple of months and ready to retire early (will be 57). I'd recommend Dave Ramsey method and also Rebel Finance School (you'll find all their stuff on YouTube.

I can't recall the article but read recently that cars are the biggest cause of financial issues across the world...crazy! I can certainly say that is the case for me, but no more. My 15+ yo Skoda is likely to be my last car now I know what I know

You don't need to top your kids up and you don't need to pay for them to have driving lessons. Just saved you £12k (according to your figures).

Op is like millions of people, don't know how to manage money.
It's not taught or explained.
Imagine if we did properly teach it but by perhaps people like op!
You need people who have been like op or who have proper training to do it.

@Sunnydaysaredisppearing then how do they learn to drive? Or are you expecting your kids to pay for it themselves? Equally at uni - if you’re on the salaries the OP is, it’s a bit much to expect your kids to pay the whole lot themselves IMO.

I'm not sure I entirely agree. Not getting at op because she is doing a brave thing posting here and good on her for tackling the debt head on.

But, speaking generally, the basic concept of don't spend more than you have, don't let your outgoings be more than your incomings, is not that difficult a concept to grasp surely?

I suppose the only other thing you really need to know is how to use a credit card and make it work for you by paying it off in total every month.

And what type of mortgage is best.

And what percentage of your salary to save and where to put the money.

But there are plenty of websites where this information is available!

In fact I don't think there has ever been so much information available as now, nor so many organisations like Step Change offering help.

I think the basics could be covered in a one hour session at school along with a warning about borrowing and gambling, and never, ever, signing any deal where it says "limited offer expires shortly". 😀. My mum drilled that last one in to me and it's such good advice and applies to everything from on-line subscriptions to handbag sales to buying a car. There will always be another offer, so never panic buy.