Oh what financial fools we’ve been

[Platform8]

Good evening,

So today DH and I finally sat down, pulled our credit reports and faced up to years of spending fuckery. We are early 40’s with 2 teens. In ‘good’ jobs with a reasonable mortgage. I earn 65k and DH earns 50k. I also earn an additional 5-10k on freelance work .

for years we have been financial dickheads taking fancy holidays, spending on the house, cars, supporting other family members and generally buying whatever we want. We’ve consolidated many times and run up debt again and again. We tried to remortgage recently but we were declined due to our level of borrowing.

I owe 47k and dh 44k. Please be gentle…. I know how atrocious this is. We also owe my mum 18k but she has said that there’s no rush to repay.

so…. This is where things change. Thankfully we can afford the payments if we get our spending under control. we’ve been through everything and we think that we can throw £3500 at the debt. It will still take a while but we WILL do it

what fucking idiots we have been

@Soretoothfairy . ….serious question-are you ok? My thread seems to have really wound you up and you’ve responded quite spitefully. This has no impact on me whatsoever, but I am a bit worried about you- is everything ok?

I feel for OP but at the same time feel quite irritated by it.... People like OP and her husband are the reason loads of people feel crap and like they arent doing well enough, feeling like other people must be earning more, better with their money, as they are affording to drive flash cars and go on nice hols. For 16 years OP and her husband have basically spent an extra 7-8k on top of what they earnt - its a nice family holiday and payments on a nice car.

Exactly the stuff others beat themselves up about not understanding why they aren't managing it, too.
So while im sympathetic to OP, I'm also pretty pissed at her for being part of the problem of showcasing a certain lifestyle to the envy of others, that actually no they couldnt afford.

It is shocking isn't it. I have GS living with me about to go off to uni. He has the minimum loan as it isn't based on this household but his parents and due to step parents income being included he can't get any more. He has gone for the cheapest halls at his uni and they are far from some of the luxury accommodation some kids have. His rent for the year means he needs £2k on top of his loan just to pay his rent. He isn't even in an expensive city.

So he has saved the £2k so he knows his rent is covered and I have been teaching him how to cook so he can make cheap meals and he is trying to get a job so he will start work as soon as he gets there. I will send him some money but it won't even be enough for his food so hehas to work.

I'm hoping it works out for him, for you and your kids. Life is tough isn't it.

But that doesn’t make any sense? There’ll be many many others who have lived the same lifestyle as me without going into debt. The people who are looking in with envy won’t know if they’ve paid for it, or if like me they’ve racked up debt. Are you saying that nobody should have nice things/ a nice lifestyle in case it makes others feel bad?

No judgement. And well done for facing up to it. I am just curious though, did you always overspend? Or was it giving in to lifestyle inflation after earning more? Or peer pressure to keep up with the joneses?

Would you get over yourself !!! If people are silly enough to be influenced by stuff like this well that is their problem .
So sanctimonious .

Wow, honestly if you are out there beating yourself up and struggling with envy over other peoples lifestyles that’s a you problem and nothing to do with the op. Plenty can afford the lifestyle she has. Just as she couldn’t doesn’t change that.

I think that we’ve always been disorganised and chaotic. For example, we’d put a holiday on a credit card with the intention of paying it off but then something else would crop up so we’d use the money for that and not the card payments. Out salaries increased steadily so it never felt like an issue. It’s literally been a few hundred pounds of overspend each month for each of us, over many years.

OP - this is very doable.

Firstly do it correctly - it's will be cheaper if you overpay the correct loans. Use money saving expert. It's supposed to help so many people.

Maximise your earnings.

Go for the big wins first - can you downgrade a car? Holiday you don't mind losing a deposit on?

Cancel all the superfluous direct debits that you can. Gyms, apps, sky

Shop around for all your insurances and get cashback for everything.

Get a debt calendar and put all your renewal dates in it. Downgrade your phone and contract etc.

Delete the take away apps. You will be fine. So will the kids.

Unsubscribe emails

Then work on the spending habits. Only buy to replace a non consumable. Only repurchase when you have run out of anything.

Get things on eBay/facebook/vinted.

BUT time is money. If you are better off working than spending time cooking, then eat simply and work.

You won't look back.

Also take a look at Dave Ramseys Money Makeover book, and his suggestions about paying off a load of debt, and how to create a healthy sustainable plan for the future.

But surely there comes a point where you say I won’t have that next holiday as I’ve not paid off the last? Or when you get to five grand or ten grand debt, not 90 grand then having to go to your mum for 18k to help you?

How are you doing @Platform8? Hope you're feeling positive. Have you found anything useful?

Yes we should have put the brakes on years ago, but we didn’t! I can’t change what’s done, but I can change what we do from this point on

Hi, it’s been nice just offloading a bit. I’m doing ok though. I’m not someone who gets overly stressed- we are where we are and it just needs to sorted

Fair enough,

Totally agree.
A fool lives beyond their means, an even bigger fool follows their lead 😂😂

My suggestion would be to live off one salary and use the other to pay off the debt.
No holidays, no eating out, no new clothes etc
Look at Dave Ramsey, he is based in US but his approach to rethinking your finances is very doable.

But OP could easily afford all that if she wasn’t (as she has admitted) wasting loads of her money on crap.
We have the same income as OP, we have 2 nice family holidays plus a few short breaks each year, a nice new car on the drive, and we save a huge amount as well. On an income of 115k them spending another 7-8k each year isn’t going to be what makes people feel crap about themselves

IMO you need to think about why you both spend. I hope this situation can be sorted.

One thing you can do OP is think about a 'no presents' Christmas. You obviously all have a lot of stuff and don't need anything so if you tell family and friends you are opting out of presents this year it could save you a packet.

As a family, we stopped buying Christmas presents a few years ago. The consumerism became a burden. Just because it's a 'named' day, suddenly you have to buy gifts for everyone. Most of which they don't want, need or possibly even use. We do everything else, decorate, have the treat food, enjoy the carol service, games with extended family etc. but we just don't exchange gifts. It's just a day, same as any other unless you have a particular religious affinity.

In our family we put away the money we would have spent for no reason and instead use it for a family holiday. Obviously you won't have a holiday this time and will just pay off debt but once you get into the habit of it, it can be something to look forward to. You still enjoy the day, you just don't have a load more 'stuff'. Plus not having to shop, wrap and deliver presents takes the stress out of the whole season 😅

You can't work out what lifestyle someone can afford from their income alone. Living costs are wildly divergent across the country

No this is plain silly.

Life is easier once you stop comparing yourself to other people (and in particular when you stop aspiring to have more /bigger/shinier stuff). We can't blame other people if we choose to worship overconsumption.

People can afford more than others for all sorts of reasons, all you can do is focus on your own budget and what you choose to prioritise

That is NOT what she wrote AT ALL !

You can do it OP but as others have said keep a significant separate pot in the bank for sudden emergencies, you can still earn interest on the sum.
I was thinking, after a few years you will get used to living on this amount and then you can actually save every month!

Op, I was thinking about this last night, the shame thing.

i think being ashamed of the level of debt, and having to borrow from your mum, is what stops you doing it again.

when you feel no shame , just meh we need to sort it, then I suspect there is a very high chance you will get it down to a more manageable level and simply slip back to old ways, oh shall we have that holiday.

and I’m not sure you seriously intend to ever pay your mother back , deep down. I don’t think she will ever see her 18k back again.

you didn’t answer , do yoh own a home or rent? Have you both been financially prudent enough at some point to be able to buy or are you in rented accommodation?

personally I’d consider a loan to conolsidate the debts.borrow 110k over say 20 years, pay everyone back inc your mother, and service the loan, it will be cheaper and more efficient. And cut up all your credit cards.