Ugly girl privilege

[pinkfeathers2]

We have all heard of 'pretty privilege' but I came across a video about 'ugly girl privilege' and I realised that's what I have.

In theory, it means you are not attractive to the male gaze, so you can comfortably have interactions and friendships with men without them later trying to have a relationship with you. It doesn't necessarily mean you are 'ugly', but you are not attractive to what society (ie. Male perception) says is beautiful.

It's not about not being catcalled or getting creepy attention (which no woman wants), as that is more about men showing off to each other /intimidating women, and all women of all ages sadly suffer that. It's about being fancied and desired by normal, general men.

I have had lots of male friends through work and while I think they liked me platonically, that's all it ever was. I am not 'one of the boys' either. When I have been out with other women, they have received male attention whereas I never did.

I'm at a point of my life where I don't care anymore, and I while I tried to change my appearance in the past, I know dress and present in a way I'm comfortable. But it's interesting to see there is a name for it and wondered if anyone else shares my experience I suppose?

@ChicLilacSeal ive had men barking and howling before it’s horrible, i feel I must be hideous to them

And men calling women fat and then comparing her with other women They know what pushes a woman's buttons.

@PainthewholeworldwithaRainbow yes I think some men will call women ugly, knowing fine well that woman/women would not bother with them, the term negging comes to mind, some men think we should look a certain way to please them, these men clearly think we seek their approval to be worthy of them, these types are usually misogynistic and have zero respect for women just mere sex objects to them

@NattyGuide

I've noticed men be rude and vile when they know for sure a woman is not going to put out for them .

Also they don't like opinionated women or women they consider to be feminists.

A strong minded woman is like a red rag to a bull for a lot of them . I've been labelled a nasty cow and a feisty bitch by men . I think they underestimate me because I'm quiet and reserved and think I'm going to be a pushover. I'm not .

Just think what thick knuckle-scrapers they are. Hugs xxxx

@PainthewholeworldwithaRainbow Yes your the strong type of woman that would put these men in their place and they hate that, that type of man will lash out with any obscenities to pull you down to conform, fuck them lol, they are loser types in general with women the types that have women at home while still prowling around fur extra on the side, just vile men, I stood up to a guy that thought I was too quiet and I’m introverted so he use to call me from afar to try and break down my self esteem, called me ugly to his mates and all that degraded crap but wanted to see me, ahhh yeah same guy calling me ugly and horrible turned around to me said he’d fuck me allover, kissed me and wanted to see me next night, I didn’t respond because no I’m not going to be used, so he then became nasty again and heard him saying he wanted to be sick allover after seeing me, making howling noises and sneering me as he was nearby to my home, I sent him a horrible message on how much of a horrible nasty piece of shit that he was, and if he found me gross why did he come to see me and wanted to see me again but told his mates people he knew that I was ugly as fk, he said I was being paranoid then blocked me. I really don’t understand these men at all

@ChicLilacSeal haha that had me laughing, yeah you know the type, the thing is I’ve seen less attractive people walking around and they don’t get this, or is it one of these tools in the group of cave dwellers fancies the woman but does it in a negative way to get attention off that said woman as doesn’t want the other lads realising they find the woman attractive cos they all have a hive mind and think if the woman is average that’s no good in their book but there is always one or two in a group of men that do like what that mates find unattractive it’s crazy

You might not have seen others get that treatment in that moment, but I bet they do at other times.

I've had young men yell things at me for being fat.

They're horrible people, so who cares what they think? They're probably horrible in many ways to many different people, for no reason other than that they've got deficient characters. Men saying things to women on the street says everything about who they are and nothing about who we are.

@ChicLilacSeal Yes it’s disgusting behaviour either way whether trying to catcall or call someone on their looks, they are not all there in the head, i avoid groups like this if out in public or near construction sites, these men are not men just little boys trapped in a man body, yes I’m all for people having banter etc but not at the expense of a poor unsuspecting person walking past, it’s bullying that’s all it is at the end of the day x

I’m ‘ugly’ by those standards - the patriarchal standards - but I don’t subscribe to those. My measure is inner beauty. Even my dd, who stops traffic with her looks, is beautiful on the inside and will only give attention to men who recognise that before her exterior looks (she’s single surprise surprise!)

I hold myself high because my worth is within, and that’s how I judge others. Their inner integrity, worth and warmth. Not what they look like.

There is a much wrong with this ‘ugly’ narrative. Privilege is beside the point. We women should not collude with it.

Hmmm interesting concept

I don’t think people can really argue with your actual lived experience

The fact they've told you this or led you to believe this is so sad. You're not ugly. In fact, I hate the word ugly. I've never seen an ugly person in my life (and I've seen a lot of people)

I look back on photographs of myself when I was young and think 'what was I worrying about' but, in reality, I've always had a big nose, no chin, large teeth and eyes too close together. When I was young I had the dewy skin and shiny hair bit but I never had a pretty face. So I've never known what it felt like to be pretty.

I still look the same, but a lot of my peers are ALSO suffering the loss of looks, and they are suffering a lot more than I am, because they feel unpretty for the first time. And I can feel sorry for them and their make up and face lifts desperately trying to hang on to the prettyness of their youth.

That's the only 'ugly privilege' that I can think of - we age better. Or at least, less traumatically.

People can sometimes say nasty things about lovely features. Your eyes are large and surely that’s a good thing? Certainly not bulbous, what a cruel and untrue thing to say.

People who insult others usually hate themselves and have to take it out on someone.

I agree with this, the traditionally attractive women I know have found the ageing process far worse than me, Ms Average. I’ve never based my worth around what I look like and what comments I get off men.

Hi @NattyGuide you do actually look really pretty in your pic and I'm not just saying that to be kind.

@sommerjade Thankyou, I think I find it hard to except nice compliments as had too many negative ones in real life x