Ugly girl privilege

[pinkfeathers2]

We have all heard of 'pretty privilege' but I came across a video about 'ugly girl privilege' and I realised that's what I have.

In theory, it means you are not attractive to the male gaze, so you can comfortably have interactions and friendships with men without them later trying to have a relationship with you. It doesn't necessarily mean you are 'ugly', but you are not attractive to what society (ie. Male perception) says is beautiful.

It's not about not being catcalled or getting creepy attention (which no woman wants), as that is more about men showing off to each other /intimidating women, and all women of all ages sadly suffer that. It's about being fancied and desired by normal, general men.

I have had lots of male friends through work and while I think they liked me platonically, that's all it ever was. I am not 'one of the boys' either. When I have been out with other women, they have received male attention whereas I never did.

I'm at a point of my life where I don't care anymore, and I while I tried to change my appearance in the past, I know dress and present in a way I'm comfortable. But it's interesting to see there is a name for it and wondered if anyone else shares my experience I suppose?

That's not "ugly girl privilege" That's just becoming mature enough to realise it doesn't matter.

And no I agree with most posters that “ugly
girl privilege” isn’t really a thing. A lot of men seem to despise women they consider ugly even more than they hate most other women generally. If she’s fat too even worse - they seem personally offended.

Many would not want to be friends with a “below average” looking woman.

Again coming back to beauty being so subjective (and often tied to European beauty standards) I have experienced pretty girl privilege in some environments /countries and invisibility/contempt in others.

Whether I’m wearing glasses or contacts, styled my hair or not and what weight I am has also fed into this.

I read on here once about some woman walking past a crowd of men who said something rude about her appearance, then she went home got changed to go out and happened to walk past the same young men still at the corner of her street . They wolf whistled at her, genuinely not realising she was the woman they were insulting before.

I lost a fair bit of weight recently and got a new flattering hairstyle suddenly I have people (men and women) making small talk to me on public transport or smiling at me randomly or picking me out in a crowd to ask directions after being ignored by society for a good year 😆

It's a nonsense term. I'd argue that 'pretty privilege' is also a nonsense and can be just as negative in its own way.

Above average attractive women find it difficult to have platonic male friendships, but also problems forming friendships with some women - jealousy is a real problem. They also receive a lot of unwanted attention. I wasn't invited to parties and meet ups with some women as they didn't want their boyfriend or husband to talk to me. I've had women be quite cruel to me after their husband tried to talk to me, the husband is never blamed.

It might be contentious to say, but at least if you're average or below average in appearance, you don't have to wonder if you're liked (by potential future partners) just for your looks.

True, but there’s an awful lot of women believing they are ugly because they can’t or choose not to reach the fake unattainable beauty standards that society/patriarchy has set for them. Also way too many unattractive/mediocre/fake people telling pleasant looking women they are ugly.

Yes, this.

I’ve seen few of these videos,
They were horrible.
One, those women weren’t ugly in any stretch of imagination, so had no idea what they are talking about, most likely only wanted attention.

Being an ugly woman is a faith I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

Imagine going your whole life never been on a date, never been loved, never having kids.
That’s what actually being an ugly woman leads you to.
Harldly a ’priviledge’.

I’ve seen, sadly, even on this thread claims that (some) men would have any woman, this is not true.
And is just insult to injury.
I wish this bs would already die out.

This whole thread is pretty ugly imo.

Who cares what men think of us this hard to name it a privilege. You really want to label yourself ‘ugly but not ugly enough’ to be catcalled, harassed or hit on? Weird.

I find this interesting. I have some hobbies that are more usually enjoyed by men, so I have lots of male friends.

Repeatedly on here, we're told men who have female friends are always chasing them really, but I find the opposite, even men I would be "interested" in only see me as a friend. They seem to like and respect me as a friend, but they're not interested in anything else.

I don't think I'm ugly, but my appearance is entirely worked around what's comfortable and practical for me. E.g. I have a (good) short haircut that I love, but men do seem to prefer long hair, my clothes are good quality and (I think) stylish. Men seem to prefer tight!

I do enjoy male company and weirdly get lots of male attention, I've never quite put my finger on why they see me as a friend and nothing else.

Who cares what men think of us this hard to name it a privilege.

Plenty of women care what men think.
And care quite a lot too.
Let’s be honest.

It’s totally normal and usual to want attention and approval from the gender one is attracted to.
Why else would so many women objectify themselves in the way that they do?

And yes, I’ve seen older women say it’s a relief to not get men’s attention, but would they feel the same if they never had it in the first place.
I doubt that.

No, you can absolutely be 'plain' beyond interventions. I have eyes too close together, a big nose and no chin. I mean, yes, I could get my nose fixed and chin implants, but neither of those would fix my eyes. It's beyond 'a good make up lesson and a new hair do' type interventions, and I am absolutely not going through unnecessary surgery just to try to look slightly better.

I suppose it depends from person to person but I’ve known women with very close set eyes who are bordering on conceited about their looks. Nicole Kidman, Ariana grande, Miley cyrus and Jennifer aniston all have close set eyes and they all look great.

My understanding of what people tend to mean by ‘plain’ is sort of nondescript, but can be ‘amplified’ through makeup/hair/etc. I don’t know, this sort of language is uncomfortable for me because I don’t like all of these judgments about women. How many men are called ‘plain’?

Well, I've been called ugly all my life and it is far from a privilege. It did not stop men calling out to me in the street. They laughed at me, pushed me up against the wall mocking me (pretending to have sex with me) to make their friends laugh. They still touched me up, but had hysterics about it ("imaging f-ing that, ha ha ha). The things they shouted at me still upset me now, and I'm in my 50s. You get passed over for all sorts if things when you are ugly too. Even young children prefer looking at pretty faces. In fact it used to make me suicidal. I cannot help being ugly, I didn't ask for my life to be like this, it is NOT a privilege in any way.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!
Everyone is beautiful to someone 😍

Men get called Mediocre on here a fair bit, I think that’s plain.

None of them have a beaky great honker and a face like a bowling ball though. I've come to terms with my looks (I look very VERY much like my dad), and am now at the age where it really doesn't matter. But thank you for making me feel better!

I've never thought of that tbh. I'm conventionally attractive- or at least was in my 20s- and every male friend I've ever had has at some point come on to me or ended the friendship because they wanted it to develop into something more. It has been a cause of a lot of heartache for me.

However, I think it's a small price to pay in comparison. Now I'm older and fatter, I'm noticing how smooth life is when you fit the "pretty" shape and size. Little things like not being charged on the bus when you've lost your ticket, finding it easy to get a job, clothes being designed to look good on you, always being given the benefit of the doubt in any given situation. The ego boost when you turn a head.

As an ND person, instead of being categorised as "weird" by men, I just fitted into the Manic Pixie Dream Girl fantasy and it made me more desirable rather than less.

I couldn't be bothered with it all now and am happy to get wrinkly and grey-haired, but I can't honestly say that losing male friends outweighed the advantage I got through being pretty, and the doors I didn't even realise had opened for me, just because I happened to be born with a face and body which fitted with the beauty standards that happened to be dominant at the time.

I hate that manic pixie dream girl fantasy, of which I too fit into for some men’s fantasies. My experience has been, as a woman with ASD who is considered to be attractive, that women my own age don’t want to befriend me and men just want to f me. It used to be very lonely for me, as I had no idea what was going on at the time. Apparently this is not an uncommon experience.

I hope this is not an insensitive question, please forgive me if it is, but do women who consider themselves to be ‘ugly’ (or whom society has labelled them as such), do you find you are able to form friendships with women?

To answer your question @luminousCrystalFox I find some women, often the very attractive ones, don't want to be seen with me either. They often give me a dirty look as if by looking at me they think I couldn't possibly offer them anything, then move on to talk to an attractive female.

It really is a very shallow world.

What a load of nonsense

It seems to me that all young (and fairly young) women get constant, constant judgement on their level of attractiveness. Mostly by men. Harassment if they're considered pretty. Harassment of a different kind if they're considered ugly. As if every woman of reproductive age was primarily there for potential breeding purposes.

It's quite a relief to be menopausal and viewed as an actual person (IME). But it's depressing to think that my daughter is now starting on this journey.

Why is this all about the male gaze? How about ignoring the male gaze?

Ugly privilege is a disgusting pick me girl idea suggesting you don't make the grade of fuckable by men and that somehow you can escape the attention of men. Not true!

I don't consider myself ugly, but have never had attention from men except for negative jeers and comments on my ugliness.

I have female friends of all shapes and sizes, some models and actresses, others not remotely into style or fashion. None I'd consider unattractive, but plenty who aren't what's conventionally considered so.

Just thinking of Janis Joplin. She was apparently suicidal after being voted ugliest woman at college. And she was amazing.

Some men really love to harrass and bully women by calling them ugly. It's likely that those of us it's happened to aren't actually "ugly" but just don't smile sweetly at these men, or aren't thin/blonde/curvaceous/wearing make up/whatever and that offends them.

You don’t need to be young to be dealing with that crap I’m in my 40s and still dealing with it. I do think young men have become a lot more vocal (probably Andrew Tate’s influence) they’re particularly arrogant/callous.

Just look at the disgusting comments Pamela Anderson gets from the male population (even men her own age and older, who once idolised her) because she dared to age. Maybe if anything all this should serve as a reminder to younger women, that men will only love them as long as they stay young and pretty.