Ugly girl privilege

[pinkfeathers2]

We have all heard of 'pretty privilege' but I came across a video about 'ugly girl privilege' and I realised that's what I have.

In theory, it means you are not attractive to the male gaze, so you can comfortably have interactions and friendships with men without them later trying to have a relationship with you. It doesn't necessarily mean you are 'ugly', but you are not attractive to what society (ie. Male perception) says is beautiful.

It's not about not being catcalled or getting creepy attention (which no woman wants), as that is more about men showing off to each other /intimidating women, and all women of all ages sadly suffer that. It's about being fancied and desired by normal, general men.

I have had lots of male friends through work and while I think they liked me platonically, that's all it ever was. I am not 'one of the boys' either. When I have been out with other women, they have received male attention whereas I never did.

I'm at a point of my life where I don't care anymore, and I while I tried to change my appearance in the past, I know dress and present in a way I'm comfortable. But it's interesting to see there is a name for it and wondered if anyone else shares my experience I suppose?

I was good looking when I was younger and got a lot of male attention. However now I've reached my 60s I find myself in the blissful position of being an old dear.

Recently I was in Sloane Square on a lovely balmy evening. I was on a bench near the fountain reading the paper.

It was lovely. And it suddenly struck lme that 20 years ago some bloke would be bothering me. But now I'm an old dear and the sense of freedom is bliss.

t's a bit like saying you have homeless person privilege because you don't have to deal with cold callers about house insurance, ignoring the downsides of the way society treats you because you don't have a home?

Except if you look at those "Ugly Privilege" videos - to use your 'homeless' analogy - the women in them in fact have very nice semi-detached houses.

I don't like the word ugly, but I think to use the word ugly alongside privilege is wrong. People who are really unfortunate looking have the odds always stacked against them, from everyday interaction to job opportunities.

What you describe is average girl privilege and now that you say it, I think I have it. I like male company and have many uncomplicated male friendships, their partners never see me as a threat and I never get harassed or feel objectified. But I am pleasantly average looking and can look good when dressed up. I spent most of youth wishing I was prettier but now that I think about it I have been quite lucky.

Can’t say I found it much fun up to the age of 40 but it is quite interesting watching the pretty girls go into a mad panic as their looks drain away with age. It means nothing to me because I’ve always been an ugly git 😂

It's a bit like saying you have homeless person privilege because you don't have to deal with cold callers about house insurance, ignoring the downsides of the way society treats you because you don't have a home?

I’d agree, you can argue it’s better to be moderately pretty than a raging beauty, but actually being ugly is a disadvantage in life.

Whether you mean literally ugly or just plain I cannot work out, but either way it’s offensive.

It makes sense. I probably feel more comfortable (rightly or wrongly) having a laugh and quickly becoming closer friends with men at work who are either very obviously not going to be someone I fancy or well out of my age range.

An attractive man around my age I'm conscious to avoid giving the wrong message to by seeming "too friendly". It makes sense that many men would do the same.

This was such a hard post to read. I’m so so sorry you’ve had to go through this. It’s absolutely vile 💐

Where did ‘pretty privilege’ even derive from, it sounds like a pseudo intellectual theory made up by INCELs. ‘Ugly privilege’ sounds equally ridiculous, quite apart from anything isn’t beauty in the eye of the beholder.

Are people born ‘plain’ that strikes me as something you can tackle with interventions?

IME very few men will bother to speak to a woman they find unattractive.

Yes because there’s that vile misogynistic saying, ‘You can’t fix ugly’.

I was harassed and bullied at school for being ugly. Apparently the very sight of me offended the eyes of a lot of boys, who ensured my final two years at school were hell.

Since then I’ve found that not being attractive doesn’t give any privilege at all, it makes you irrelevant and invisible, you’re literally no use to a lot of men.

I am married with children, but that’s because not all men are shallow pricks. Plenty are though, and plenty go along with the ride as they’re too spineless to be decent human beings.

• you’re not viewed as a threat to your girlfriends with bfs

• you’re viewed as more sensible and competent (regardless if you are or not)

• I also find women are more receptive to making friendships, but you have to be careful about not to becoming the put upon friend

That’s horrible and people who declare such things look and sound vacuous and stupid.

It's not a privilege to not be harassed by men. That should be the norm.

Agree with you @MolkosTeenageAngst

Being less attractive or ugly does not help avoid bad men. To the contrary, while some men may avoid you, there will be plenty more who can weed out vulnerability. They can sense loneliness and low self esteem. They'll still want your body even though they hate you.

No I can’t agree.
Men don’t scream abuse at women because they think that woman is Claudia Schiffer and the most beautiful woman they have had the privilege of seeing. They do it because they are c.
They do it to degrade and dehumanise, not because they are in awe of that person.
Men scream at all women.
I really struggle to believe that any adult woman has never been catcalled, sneered at, overlooked, or treated as ‘less than.’ I think you are just unaware of it.
Only the other week I had some random man tell me I had a lovely figure. I was going to work. I did not appreciate it. It was not a compliment. I would never approach a random man ( younger than me especially) and start talking like that. He said it twice too. Dickhead.
Back to the op. How men treat any woman or girl should never be called privilege. I think most men would have sex with any woman at all given the chance.

I wouldn't say being able to have friendships when men is a 'privilege' !

Best post. i absolutely share your attitude.

Most women aren't ugly or stunningly beautiful. They're just average. S

To me this is oldie privilege. I’m nearly 50. I don’t think I’m ugly at all, far from it, but I’m of an age when I don’t get a lot of hassle from young men and I don’t try to look younger than I am. I’m happy to look 50. I can interact with men and move through the world without being judged on my looks (by young men). Possibly old men are still thinking of me in terms of looks but there aren’t so many of them. It’s very liberating.

They'll still want your body even though they hate you.

There's a lot of men out there like this. It's sadly a good thing to remember.

I think there's plenty of evidence that people deemed more "attractive" have higher chances of getting jobs and success in life, although also women with blonde hair can miss out due to stereotypes about dumb blondes.

When I went to university, looks were clearly a factor in admissions. The female students in each college had similar looks, in accordance with the preferences of the (always male) interviewers.

Exactly. I remember the fear I felt walking past groups of men in my teens and 20s, when they would jeer at me and comment on how bad I looked. Also the dread of going out with female friends and being pushed aside or sworn at by men trying to get to my friends (who were so excited at being catcalled that they didn't notice how I was being treated) to chat them up.

I believe attractiveness is a social construct to an extent and very subjective but many people widely considered by society to unattractive are married with children and many single women with no kids are considered “conventionally attractive”

I think we should find beauty and value in ourselves but not based on if we have a partner and kids or not? I think this way of thinking is massively unhealthy and actually leads to women with low self esteem being desperate to tie themselves to a man and have kids so they can believe they’re
attractive.

I read a sad story online about how newly married woman overheard her husband telling his friends , that try as he might he just didn’t find his wife attractive . So even marriage and definitely sex too, is not a guarantee of the man you’re with, let alone others, finding you attractive.