Ugly girl privilege

[pinkfeathers2]

We have all heard of 'pretty privilege' but I came across a video about 'ugly girl privilege' and I realised that's what I have.

In theory, it means you are not attractive to the male gaze, so you can comfortably have interactions and friendships with men without them later trying to have a relationship with you. It doesn't necessarily mean you are 'ugly', but you are not attractive to what society (ie. Male perception) says is beautiful.

It's not about not being catcalled or getting creepy attention (which no woman wants), as that is more about men showing off to each other /intimidating women, and all women of all ages sadly suffer that. It's about being fancied and desired by normal, general men.

I have had lots of male friends through work and while I think they liked me platonically, that's all it ever was. I am not 'one of the boys' either. When I have been out with other women, they have received male attention whereas I never did.

I'm at a point of my life where I don't care anymore, and I while I tried to change my appearance in the past, I know dress and present in a way I'm comfortable. But it's interesting to see there is a name for it and wondered if anyone else shares my experience I suppose?

There is no such thing as simply ignoring the male gaze.
Men will seek women out to terrorise whether it’s because you please their lil winky or dis-please their lil winky.

Men only listen to other men and if the so called “nice” ones don’t call them out, nothing changes.

I'm nothing special, averagely attractive. I had some pretty friends in my teens and 20s but none of us were supermodels. Also had some plainer friends. I can't think of one that wasn't harassed by some creep. I've been fat, thin and all sizes in between and it was still the same.

You are correct that there are certain benefits to being unattractive, but they're offset by the much greater advantage of being attractive.

It's a bit like male privilege. Males have heaps of benefits over females but there are some benefits that females have over males - you could call those benefits "females privilege" but people generally don't because, on the whole, females are not privileged over men.

It's a bit like saying you have homeless person privilege because you don't have to deal with cold callers about house insurance, ignoring the downsides of the way society treats you because you don't have a home?

Nicely put.

@Thmssngvwlsrnd same here, I’ve been told I’m hideous, been laughed at by groups of men and women, told I look like a bug eyed monster, freak and just disgusting looking, had men barking at me and making throw up noises as I’ve been out minding my own business, told I’m too ugly to have sex with, or told to bag my head if they do want sex, I’m incredibly ugly looking and no amount of makeup helps, the worst situation was a young girl with her mum as I walked by she shouted ew that woman is so ugly, she must of been 8/9 year old her mother laughed at what she said, been laughed at on public transport, been spat at, and the looks of disgust by both sexes I know what they are thinking, no one likes me near them, they move away from me, I’m probably the ugliest woman around where I live, as soon as I walk around I’m shouted at it’s horrible, I’ve felt suicidal aswell, my parents are just as bad called me most my life so it never stops and I’m 48

I was listening to a podcast earlier by Mel Robbins and she said she used to do her talks wearing heels. One day she forgot her heels at home so she ended up wearing I think converse boots; anyway she said the audience were far more receptive and she believes it's because people judged her when she was trying to look a certain way. Just to add she said she feels far more comfortable not wearing heels.

Because they're fucking pricks.

@NattyGuide sorry to hear that. For what it's worth I think you look perfectly normal.

@Moonshine5 i wish I was lying but people and men in general have been brutal with me, I never say anything I mind my own business, but I must really piss then off on how I look because I’m very unattractive to them
Thankyou

Honestly I can't think why. Irrespective it's awful and they sound like total d *cks

I am ugly and very fat indeed, but thirty years ago I was pretty and very slender. Men wanted me, but just to pump and dump. They no more wanted a relationship with me than they did with Mother Theresa. I was literally a cute object to them. There were also some women who would be horrible to me for no reason. Some men, too, when I wouldn't go out with them.

Now that I'm fat and ugly, and 50, everyone's nice to me and I don't have to put up with men treating me like a sex object.

I don't know what this pretty privilege is; when I was young and pretty there seemed no advantage to it at all. Life is much more pleasant as a fat and ugly 50-year-old.

Just remember, it's never women we hear of going to prison for shagging corpses.

Men will shag anything, attractive or not.

@NattyGuide you've got beautiful eyes. Ignore them.

@Moonshine5 i don’t know either, I try to look smart and smell good, put makeup on but I’m clearly frowned upon by society in general, my own mother said I was ugly at 18, she’s never given me any compliments through the years just belittles me and thinks I’m disgusting looking, so I’ve had it all my life and not had many compliments from anyone, I don’t go out anymore that’s how bad it is, I’ve been to my doctors and they just say you need therapy, but I’ve had therapy and I still get called, I’m fed up with being treated like utter shit because I don’t conform to any beauty standard.

Because they're utter idiots.

I'd rather be single for a thousand years than go near any man who makes animal noises at women.

@NattyGuide But you are pretty! 😍 WTAF??

I kind of relate to that - I hear a lot of women talking about feeling invisible to men in middle age, but I've kind of always been invisible. I was chatted up very occasionally, very very seldom ever harrassed. I am not in the least sad about this.

It's not because I'm unattractive. I firmly believe that it's because, in my teens and 20s, I spent most of the time with very short, cropped hair. I didn't do it to repulse men, I just first had it cut short when I was 8 and liked it that way and it suited me. But the fact is definitely that if you as a woman cut your hair very short, the vast majority of men will not find you attractive. And I never gave a shit, I was never interested in most men. In fact the men who were attracted to me I think it often was because of my short hair (certainly in the case of DH) and it was quite a good way of finding guys who were interested in you for the right reason.

I still wouldn't call it a 'privilege', though - men should stop being wankers and should treat all women like actual, valid human beings regardless of appearance.

I was also lucky to some extent, that I fell in a happy gap where I was neither 'feminine' enough to register as a woman with catcalling types, nor apparently offensive enough to some misogynist's 'standards' to get harrassed for being too unattractive (as some PPs have alluded too, not all harrasment is 'flattering', women also get 'attention' in the form of being called ugly, fat, 'wouldn't want to f-ck you' etc)

@bozzabollix some have mentioned my eyes are bulbous and bug out, it’s hard to ignore it when it’s happens when out and about, Thankyou.

@ChicLilacSeal ive never been called pretty in real life, the absolute opposite more times then I can count, Thankyou

I mean it, too. I literally thought the photo was going to be accompanied by someone demonstrating their nice looks and how they get catcalls. I think the pink really suits you, I think you have beautiful eyes, nice bone structure, and lips that aren't too thin. (I say that because mine are really thin!) You look perfectly normal and definitely above average.

Sounds like your parents did a real number on you. 😢

@ChicLilacSeal Yes I do feel my mother was disappointed that I didn’t turn out how she wanted, so belittled me and told me all her good points that she had bigger breasts then me, was taller than me and better looking etc, I’ve never been a jealous person and yes I think my mam was good looking back in her day, but to act so indifferent to me as if I wasn’t her daughter, my father just went along with what she would say, so I’ve had no one to stick up for me, bullied at school due to how I looked as I had massive eyes, hard time getting boyfriends while my friends were always being asked out, I ended up with abusive type men that ended up calling me vile names, hit and mocked because I wasn’t good looking enough for them.
Not had many jobs as was looked down upon as could tell by there facial reactions I wasn’t attractive enough to work for them, had friends saying well just go out with ugly men then as I use to say I wish I could find someone that liked me for me, I thought I was an ugly duckling and wished for a glow up but no, o just got worse looking as I’ve aged and last time I was in a rship was 15 years ago that’s how ugly I am.

@torreli some men I guess will sleep with anything, but I’ve been rejected by some men as thought I was too ugly to get with, so whoever these horrid men are that sleep with corpses they have no morals and sick to the core

Unless they want a favour . I've also seen men turn nasty on women when they realise that sex is out of the question.

This . Clothing and accessories that suits , the right hair style and make up can elevate plain to attractive.

@GoldenLegend that’s true, I was used as a triangulation for this guy that wanted his ex back and then he laughed to everyone that he wouldn’t dare be seen dead with me, he must of got his ex back and i didn’t know at the time