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Original poster

My dog is very sick, - dd is on holiday - do I tell her?

93 replies

hardemma · 23/08/2024 07:47

Our dog has a chronic illness it's been well-managed over a couple of years - mostly non-symptomatic. Over the last few days, he's gone downhill quite quickly, we're seeing a specialist today but we are not hopeful - his quality of life is very important to us, so we won't drag this on for our benefit.
Dd is on holiday in Asia - she'll be back in a week but we may not be able to wait that long.
My gut says let her enjoy her holiday, she can't change what's happening here but a friend has said we should tell her and it's not fair to keep it from her, she says her friends will comfort her, I think if we tell her and she doesn't come home, she'll spend the rest of the week miserable, wishing she was at home.

Please go easy on me - I'm very fragile and emotional at the moment but what would you do?

OP posts:
2Old2Tango · 23/08/2024 07:58

A holiday long haul is a big thing, and your DD can't quickly nip home like she would be able to if she was in France for example. If she still has a full week of her holiday left, and your poorly dog really can't last that long, then I personally would say nothing. As you say, your DD can do nothing from where she is, and all it will do is ruin her holiday. Maybe take some photos or a short video of the dog so that she has something to keep when she comes back. Also, if you do have to make the most difficult decision, then take a clipping of fur (if long enough) and some paw prints for her to keep.

Im so sorry this is happening OP. I lost my own dog at the end of June and she too had fought a chronic illness and then deteriorated very quickly. I understand about having to make the decision that's ultimately best for the dog.

PlatinumBrunette · 23/08/2024 07:59

Sadly I’ve had to do the exact same call this week. I am so sorry you’re going through this.

My DD, whilst devastated, repeatedly thanked me for telling her then, and not leaving it until she got back. And also, for not messaging her, but telling her on a call.

I guess it ultimately depends on your DD’s personality. Wishing you so much strength. Such a difficult time.

Pigeonqueen · 23/08/2024 08:01

Hmm this is a difficult one but I think I would have to tell her. My Mums dog died when she was on holiday with me when I was little - she’d left him with my Gran who took him to the vet and unfortunately he had to be put down and she decided not to tell my Mum till we got back. Mum was absolutely furious and upset that my Gran hadn’t told her. (We wouldn’t have been able to get back either if that makes a difference, we were in America). I think it’s always best to be honest even if it creates upset.

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Littletreefrog · 23/08/2024 08:04

She can't do anything from where she is.

If possible I would take Ddog to some of his favourite spots and video/photograph it for DD for when she is back so she knows Ddog had the best last few days possible. We took my childhood ddog through McDonald's drive thru and got him his very own box of chicken nuggets.

Mindymomo · 23/08/2024 08:04

My parents didn’t get in touch with me when our dog was put down, so I only knew when I returned and although upsetting I’m glad they didn’t try to tell me. The dog was fit and well until she had a stroke, so was unexpected.

Littletreefrog · 23/08/2024 08:05

Littletreefrog · 23/08/2024 08:04

She can't do anything from where she is.

If possible I would take Ddog to some of his favourite spots and video/photograph it for DD for when she is back so she knows Ddog had the best last few days possible. We took my childhood ddog through McDonald's drive thru and got him his very own box of chicken nuggets.

I forgot to say though it depends if you will be talking to her anyway. I think if you are regularly in contact you may have to tell her whereas if you probably wouldn't speak to her until she is back that makes not telling her easier.

BowlOfNoodles · 23/08/2024 08:06

hardemma · 23/08/2024 07:47

Our dog has a chronic illness it's been well-managed over a couple of years - mostly non-symptomatic. Over the last few days, he's gone downhill quite quickly, we're seeing a specialist today but we are not hopeful - his quality of life is very important to us, so we won't drag this on for our benefit.
Dd is on holiday in Asia - she'll be back in a week but we may not be able to wait that long.
My gut says let her enjoy her holiday, she can't change what's happening here but a friend has said we should tell her and it's not fair to keep it from her, she says her friends will comfort her, I think if we tell her and she doesn't come home, she'll spend the rest of the week miserable, wishing she was at home.

Please go easy on me - I'm very fragile and emotional at the moment but what would you do?

Asia is a trip of a life time no love I wouldn't tell her.

2chocolateoranges · 23/08/2024 08:06

I’d let her enjoy her holiday and wouldn’t tell her until she got home, there is nothing that she can do and it would only spoil her last week,.

Genevieva · 23/08/2024 08:08

Include her in the decision, taking each day as it comes. Video call, so she can see the dog.

BiscuityBoyle · 23/08/2024 08:08

It’s so hard. If you don’t tell her she can enjoy the holiday. There is nothing she can do, she can’t come back. If I was DD I would be annoyed when I got back but I would appreciate the choice that was made.

IAmJohnMajor · 23/08/2024 08:08

Don't let her come home to a massive crash like that.

Send her a message saying that ddog might not be here when she gets back but that you will give her the best care and all the love you know she would give if she was there.
Tell her she mustn't worry, dog is in safe hands and you won't let her suffer, but you didn't want her to possibly come home to a horrid shock and dig passing away being old news.
Remind her the last time she saw dog there were cuddles and a lovely walk (or whatever).

justflewinfromthewindycity · 23/08/2024 08:09

Oh it's heartbreaking I'm so sorry.
Quite similar happened to me
I was on holiday and the family dog had to be put to sleep.
My Dad didn't tell me and I won't lie the first few days I was angry ,now I understand but still upset I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
Personally I would have rather knew and could have at least face timed and seen my dog one last time.
I know Asia is a lovely trip of a lifetime but the dog is family.

IAmJohnMajor · 23/08/2024 08:13

BowlOfNoodles · 23/08/2024 08:06

Asia is a trip of a life time no love I wouldn't tell her.

Show quote history

I think that's why she should know.

Coming home full of triumph stories and success only to have a massive smack in the face of the discovery of what happened while you were away - that would spoil your memories of the amazing trip.
The guilt that while your family were rallying around the much loved pet and dealing with this difficult thing you were partying oblivious to it all on the beach and not part of it.
She would be able to visit a temple and light a candle for the dog and not come home to a horrible shock. That's a much kinder way of getting this news.

Original poster
hardemma · 23/08/2024 08:17

Littletreefrog · 23/08/2024 08:05

I forgot to say though it depends if you will be talking to her anyway. I think if you are regularly in contact you may have to tell her whereas if you probably wouldn't speak to her until she is back that makes not telling her easier.

Show quote history

We're only communicating via whatsapp. She went by herself - to an organised trip so the lovely friends she has made she has only known for a week. I think giving the group of relative strangers she is travelling with the burden of caring for her when they are on holiday is playing on my mind too.
She is really is having the time of her life, back home we are all utterly miserable.

OP posts:
6ixThirty · 23/08/2024 08:20

Are you able to video call her, so she can see DDog, and say her goodbyes?

Nw22 · 23/08/2024 08:26

I think that depends on her relationship with the dog and whether she can get back. I was 24 when my dog died and my mum called me to tell me it was going to happen soon. I was away but rushed back and made it that night in time. I would have done anything to get there in time but I was very close to him.

ChocoChocoLatte · 23/08/2024 08:28

@hardemma no then. Nobody needs to be away from home surrounded by strangers when they loose a loved one.

Leave her be just now and when she arrives home she can rest & grieve with family.

I'm sorry you're going through this, we truly don't deserve dogs Flowers

Nannyfannybanny · 23/08/2024 08:30

So sorry you are going through this. We had to have DD PTS last year. I think it depends on the age of your daughter. If you regularly facetime, I would maybe say dog is more poorly. We love dogs, have had them all my life,my DGD said for years one of my dogs now 9 was her bestie (dog still thinks so) now she's 14, other things take president, I wouldn't call her or any of my DKs on holiday. There is nothing they can do.

Pieandchips999 · 23/08/2024 08:33

I think I would have to say that he isn't very well do you want to WhatsApp video call in case he doesn't full through. Then ask her do you want me to update you if it's bad news or not. I think I would really struggle not saying goodbye but would then say goodbye and say don't tell me while I'm away. Without that choice you can't take it back. It is a difficult one though

6pence · 23/08/2024 08:37

Pieandchips999 · 23/08/2024 08:33

I think I would have to say that he isn't very well do you want to WhatsApp video call in case he doesn't full through. Then ask her do you want me to update you if it's bad news or not. I think I would really struggle not saying goodbye but would then say goodbye and say don't tell me while I'm away. Without that choice you can't take it back. It is a difficult one though

This

IAmJohnMajor · 23/08/2024 08:40

Pieandchips999 · 23/08/2024 08:33

I think I would have to say that he isn't very well do you want to WhatsApp video call in case he doesn't full through. Then ask her do you want me to update you if it's bad news or not. I think I would really struggle not saying goodbye but would then say goodbye and say don't tell me while I'm away. Without that choice you can't take it back. It is a difficult one though

Great suggestion.

Clearinguptheclutter · 23/08/2024 08:41

A very difficult one but I think I would WhatsApp saying ddog is poorly can we do a video call and tell her

there was a not dissimilar thread on here recently regarding a dying grandparent and a child on a school trip. The mnetter had a similar dilemma. In the end the child was called and elected to stay on the trip (within Europe so not so far away) but it turned out that telling him was the right thing to do. The grandparent sadly died before the child got home.

you know your daughter best though.

HazelLion · 23/08/2024 08:41

I would tell her - I live abroad and my parents have repeatedly done this to me with the deaths of grandparents and pets and to be honest I'll never fully forgive them for preventing me from saying goodbye.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 23/08/2024 08:44

This has happened twice with me, same DD on holiday. I didn’t tell her until she was home. She understood why each time.

Karmaisac4t · 23/08/2024 08:45

With the additional info that the people she is with are essentially strangers, no I wouldn’t tell her. You don’t know they are actually going to be there for her.

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