My dog is very sick, - dd is on holiday - do I tell her?

[hardemma]

Our dog has a chronic illness it's been well-managed over a couple of years - mostly non-symptomatic. Over the last few days, he's gone downhill quite quickly, we're seeing a specialist today but we are not hopeful - his quality of life is very important to us, so we won't drag this on for our benefit.
Dd is on holiday in Asia - she'll be back in a week but we may not be able to wait that long.
My gut says let her enjoy her holiday, she can't change what's happening here but a friend has said we should tell her and it's not fair to keep it from her, she says her friends will comfort her, I think if we tell her and she doesn't come home, she'll spend the rest of the week miserable, wishing she was at home.

Please go easy on me - I'm very fragile and emotional at the moment but what would you do?

I think this. Start drip feeding it in gently. Just start by saying dog is unwell. Would she like a facetious to perk doggie up? Then don't elaborate, just keep saying dog is improving but only mention pts if / when it's inevitable. You could say that doggie is old so it's not looking great longer term.

Dog is family and pets is so, so hard. I begged my mum not to put my beloved dog down. She had to but my god it still hurts. If you don't tell her scything she will have jetlag and heartbreak. If you at least say they are ill she go there in her mind without you even saying pts.

I'd just go with that. Dog is ill, it's not looking likely to perk up. Leave it at that.

I'm also very sorry op

I have had this conversation with DH. Incase context matters, we have guinea pigs, not dogs.

If one of ours was ill, we couldn't reach each other, the decision is to go ahead and do it. Tell later.

DD will be very upset, but at the end of the day, she's away and can't actually DO anything.

Your priority in this situation is the dog.

I'm so very sorry that you are going through this.

I wish you and your family all the best and I hope DD ultimately understands. 🌺

I’m sorry he’s so unwell OP and I hope he turns a corner.

For my 2 cents worth, my childhood dog was put down and I couldn’t be there as a young adult. I was involved in the decision, and it was what was best for the dog, but honestly I’m still sad I couldn’t see her one last time and say goodbye. 💔

I definitely wouldn't tell my children in the same situation. You'd be creating more stress for everyone involved to no possible gain.

Please tell her that dog has been under the weather and had to see a specialist but not in immediate danger. As others have said above this will open a conversation where she can tell you if/how she wants further updates and start to sow the seeds in case the dog does deteriorate again (although keeping everything crossed she is now stable and keeps improving following your update). I would be devastated to not be told something like this.

we had a slightly similar situation where my parents sprang a PTS appointment on me even though I did get to say goodbye to my dog as they timed it with a visit back from uni and I really struggled with the decision and forgiving them at the time. As others have said, the bigger potential damage here is a lifetime of her regretting not saying goodbye/resenting you. Hopefully the message you send now won’t be so worrying that it will ruin her trip/make her want to come home and sounds like she will have plenty of fun distractions in any event.

No I wouldn't tell her. Sorry this is happening.

I'm so, so sorry. Just awful for you OP.

Personally, I wouldn't tell her. There's nothing she can do and it will spoil her holiday.

Given that the dog has improved I would be inclined to message and tell her the dog had been unwell and might not make it. Give her the chance to have a FaceTime call with him.

Very sensible response.

No!

You can have a nice memorial ceremony for the dog, and put a stone in place when she gets back

Why on earth would you tell her? Completely pointless and would ruin her trip.

I would not tell her. If it was an option for her to get back in time to see him then that would be different. Let her finish her holiday, meet her at the airport and tell her then. I have been in your daughter's situation, for context.
You will probably be able to keep some of the decisions about what happens after until she gets back. Sorry about your dog, and good for you for putting him first. Some people try to make the animal wait for the family member and it's just not fair.

Definitely tell her.

If the dog dies while she's away, it'll be a sudden death for her - but an artificially manufactured sudden death. She'll feel betrayed by you not telling her. This will have a negative impact on her memories of this holiday and it will have a negative impact on her trust/relationship with you.

I think you need to tell her . Otherwise she is left always wondering what bad ‘stuff’ might be waiting when she comes home .

I hope that makes sense . I’d never want ru be kept in the dark . I’m so sorry , your pier dog . As someone said , we don’t deserve them ❤️!

Yes. My daughter's guinea pig died whilst she was away with her dad and he didn't tell her so she had to come home to the shock of it and she's never forgotten.

Thanks for all your views, I don't think there's a right or a wrong way to approach this but you all helped me think it through. Dd is back home. She had a feeling something was wrong and she was glad we didn't tell her.
Ddog has good days and not-so-good days where he doesn't eat much, he doesn't seem in pain, he just sleeps a lot but then he always slept a lot.

Have another appt with the specialist this week.

Awww, it's good your DD was glad with how you dealt with it. At least you're all together now and ddog is in good hands. Good luck with getting each other through the tough bits.

I'm glad it worked out as well as it could do for you, your DD and your dog.

Edit to add: Thank you for letting us know what happened.