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Original poster

My dog is very sick, - dd is on holiday - do I tell her?

93 replies

hardemma · 23/08/2024 07:47

Our dog has a chronic illness it's been well-managed over a couple of years - mostly non-symptomatic. Over the last few days, he's gone downhill quite quickly, we're seeing a specialist today but we are not hopeful - his quality of life is very important to us, so we won't drag this on for our benefit.
Dd is on holiday in Asia - she'll be back in a week but we may not be able to wait that long.
My gut says let her enjoy her holiday, she can't change what's happening here but a friend has said we should tell her and it's not fair to keep it from her, she says her friends will comfort her, I think if we tell her and she doesn't come home, she'll spend the rest of the week miserable, wishing she was at home.

Please go easy on me - I'm very fragile and emotional at the moment but what would you do?

OP posts:
sunsetsandboardwalks · 23/08/2024 08:46

She's not a little child - she deserves to know that the dog is unwell and should be told when he passes.

If someone let me enjoy a holiday only to reveal that my dog had died halfway through, I would be so angry.

Remagirl · 23/08/2024 08:48

I wouldn't personally. She'll feel sad and upset for the remainder of her holiday. There is nothing to be gained from telling her now.

buttercupcake · 23/08/2024 08:50

I wouldn’t tell her. She’s too far away and wilth strangers. I’ve been in the position where I’ve been the one on holiday and been given bad news. You feel helpless if you can’t return.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.

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FountainsOfPens · 23/08/2024 08:52

I would tell her.

I think there are only two possible mistake here: telling her when she's rather not know or not tell g her when she would rather know.

I think the former is the far smaller 'crime' and less likely to lead to anger or family upset.

You won't be ruining her holiday, life will be doing that and you cannot protect her from life xx

Doingmybest12 · 23/08/2024 08:53

I think there's a danger she'll hear about it a different way and so I'd tell her. The approach above of saying the dog us unwell first i think is best. I think being such a long way away might help as she really can't come back. Would you bury the dog in the garden? That helped me when I was away and I could visit the spot many times afterwards. You must be very proud that she's gone on such an adventure .

Emmanuelll · 23/08/2024 08:54

I think I would tell her. I'm
So sorry about your dog.

Not2identifying · 23/08/2024 08:56

I like @Pieandchips999's suggestion.

If I were your daughter, I would go to the airport and get the next flight back.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 23/08/2024 08:57

I genuinely don't get all the people saying to keep it a secret - I think that's awful behaviour.

If my parents lied to me about something like that I'm not sure I'd ever get over it.

Namechangedforthis25 · 23/08/2024 08:59

I would tell her - she has a right to know

I wouldn’t forgive if I came back and didn’t get a chance to know before it happened or be able to say bye - she might think about it forever

Tumbleweed101 · 23/08/2024 09:02

I probably wouldn’t on a long haul trip. I wouldn’t want to know if I was away on a bigger trip and there was nothing I could do about the situation. Different if in UK and could get home easily.

Prenelope · 23/08/2024 09:03

I definitely wouldn't tell her. There's absolutely nothing she can do.

Kendodd · 23/08/2024 09:08

I don't think there's a right (or wrong) answer to this.
If it was me, I wouldn't tell her if she's back in a wee. If she was away travelling for months, I would.

Travellingraspberry · 23/08/2024 09:09

Could you ask her? Maybe message to say the dog had gone downhill and you're seeing the specialist but you're not sure which way it'll go and would she rather know or wait until she's home?

Oopstoo · 23/08/2024 09:10

If she is old and mature enough to travel by herself - I think she would be emotionally mature enough to be told this in a phone call.

Nw22 · 23/08/2024 09:11

@Doingmybest12 oh yes that happened to a friend of mine. She was traveling and her grandfather died. Her parents didn’t want to tell her on the phone and she ended up seeing a post on Facebook from another family member. She was devastated to find out that way

sunsetsandboardwalks · 23/08/2024 09:12

Prenelope · 23/08/2024 09:03

I definitely wouldn't tell her. There's absolutely nothing she can do.

She can speak to the dog on FaceTime and say goodbye - she could make the decision to come home if she wanted.

Even if I was in New Zealand with no chance of making it back, I would want to see my dog and speak to him one last time. I'd be devastated if someone unilaterally decided to take that away from me.

pinkducky · 23/08/2024 09:12

I'd let her know that ddog is not doing well, that puts her on notice but doesn't mean the worst. Then see how things go. If you need to sadly PTS a day or two before she comes home, I'd just wait and tell her when she comes home, unless she asks.

I was away when our ddog died, my dad called me when I was in the airport about to travel home. I wish he'd have waited until I got home so that I didn't have to spend a day trying not to cry in front of strangers!

gynaeissue · 23/08/2024 09:18

I agree that she should have the chance to speak to / see him on video and it wouldn’t be fair to take that away from her. She’s already had a lovely time and unfortunately whether you tell her now or not, if he dies that will always slightly taint her trip. It’s up to her whether to come home (if she might make it in time) but if you don’t tell her she might always regret that she didn’t get to say goodbye and resent you for it.

HoHoHoliday · 23/08/2024 09:19

If it was me I would want to know. I'd be devastated if my dog died and I wasn't told about it. I'd want to have the option to at least try and return home, no matter how far away I was. My dog is more important to me than any holiday! There will be other holidays.

Redburnett · 23/08/2024 09:23

I would not tell her for the reasons you state.
I recently looked after son's cat at my home while he was on holiday, cat was unwell and I decided she needed vet treatment. Cat wasn't registered with local vet and they would not treat her without owner's permission so I had to tell him. He was frantic with worry despite me sending video showing cat was not at death's door. Being anxious about something is so much worse when you are a long way away and cannot do anything about it at all.
PS Vet bill £320 including £180 out of hours consultation (1.30pm Saturday afternoon), £100 unregistered pet fee, £40 on two medications.

Seaitoverthere · 23/08/2024 09:24

I would call her . Our dog sadly had to be put to sleep in May. DD lives a good few hours away. I could see that DDog was decline so when DD nearly put off coming down when she was due I pushed her a bit so she came and as they do she rallied a bit and was put on new meds.

Long and short of it was DD went home and dog seemed ok but then went down hill rapidly shortly after and 2nd emergency vet trip we decided it was time. No way for DD to get here in time so she said goodbye on WhatsApp . Obviously those of us at home have been very sad but we have all dealt with it ok because none of us have any doubt that it was absolutely the best thing for our dog.

DD has struggled, is loosing hair and very worried now about our cat who needs surgery but has just been diagnosed with heart condition which makes it higher risk though not high risk. I think if we had told her after it happened without the chance of the WhatsApp call it would have broken her and I knew that from how she has been over other pet loss.

I think you know your DD best and you know the best way to handle it. A really difficult time but trust your gut on this whatever it is telling you.

gladiolionthesideboard · 23/08/2024 09:28

Don’t tell her dog is ill. Tell her once/if he is gone. Don’t keep that from her.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 23/08/2024 09:51

I wouldn't tell her. She's on a holiday with a group of strangers. It's not fair to expect them to support her on their holiday. These people have probably saved long and hard for this holiday of a lifetime and won't want anything to spoil it.

RhubarbCircles · 23/08/2024 11:14

I'm so sorry. If I was her, I'd rather know and be able to say goodbye on video calls.

justflewinfromthewindycity · 23/08/2024 11:34

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn your post is ridiculous
Absolutely nothing to do with whatever strangers are on the trip with her
She has a right to know