DS 17 wants to bring his first girlfriend back to our house whilst we’re away for the weekend

[Simonsignoret]

Would you allow this or am I being naive ?
Normally very trustworthy and responsible. Never had a girlfriend before. He’s stayed at the girl’s home twice with another male friend after going to a couple of parties there as she lives about 35 mins away (social gatherings rather than wild raves btw, ds doesn’t drink either).
Appreciate that this sounds wanky but according to ds the family is very middle class. Both want to apply to Oxbridge later in the year so a lot to lose if they dick around.
Apparently they want to watch something on TV.
We’ll be away Saturday and back Sunday, normally he’d stay with his dad. His bedroom at his dads is essentially a box room so I get the awkwardness of the situation.
I know I need to get more info. What would other people do ?

Tell him to use contraception and not push forward with sex until they’re both ready, not to put her under any pressure etc.

What are you worried about? They’re not underage. Sounds preferable to a big party. I’m guessing you’ve had all the conversations about consent, waiting until both parties are ready, safe sex? I wouldn’t have an issue with this.

First date. I’m hoping they’re not at that point yet 😳

He’s stayed at her house twice though? Albeit with others.

I think at 17 this is fine and absolutely normal.

@Delatron kind of had those conversations but maybe not in as much detail as that.

I would be ok with that but I would want to meet her first, purely because I wouldn’t want a complete stranger staying in my home.

Ok. That ship may have sailed. But hopefully they are sensible. Or they may be completely innocent and just planning on watching Tv. Either way, 17 is fine to leave alone.

Yes. That’s what DP said. We don’t know her and likewise.

He's 17 fgs, you should've been talking about this stuff for years!

It’s also good that he’s asked you. He’s sounds sensible.

She may be a stranger but I’m not sure what you think a 17 year old girl is going to do to your house?

If your trusting him alone then you trust him so I don't see the issue of having gf stop over.

I think you should allow it as it's a clear sign of respect he's asked. He might consider doing it anyway...

Also, if they're anything like the teenagers I work with, they will have been "talking" for ages and this is official 🤣.

I might be biased though, this was my first official date with my boyfriend and it was all very innocent- first kiss watching Forrest Gump! 25 years later there's not a hint of romance 🤣

@Simonsignoret how old is she?

You don't need to meet her first, IF you trust your son's judgement. What's meeting her going to actually achieve??

I would prefer it was a more established gf, but it is what it is.

They just want to watch TV 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

don't be so naive.

you should have been having PROPER conversations about sex, enthusiastic consent, no means NO / for YEARS, he's 17.

He sounds sensible, just remind him that you really don’t want to be a nan just yet

@Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice we have had those conversations in a vague kind of way. And about all kinds of things.
Never shown the slightest interest in girls tbh although his friends have had girlfriends.

Exactly. 😂

It's highly unlikely that they're not wanting to have sex. They're a 17 year old couple. If it were me I'd be buying condoms and giving them to him (with an enthusiastic consent talk if you haven't already had it)

The thing is, you can't say yeah sure she can come over to watch TV. Oh and here's a condom. Thats like giving him an instruction to have sex. Maybe they are just intending to hang out and mother has just gone and made presumptions. I think the sex conversation if it hasn't been had yet must be totally separate.

I would probably say yes but I'd be pretty uncomfortable too. Ds is a few months younger and never had a GF either so I'd be very unsure of how to play it.

What difference does meeting her make ? I never understood parents who said this.

If she is covered in tattoos /piercings and swears like a docker .. tells you her dad's inside for a long stretch .. will you say 'no' to DS ?

Assuming she's a naice girl. Fairly upper middle class (Sorry but Oxbridge aspirations are not common amongst criminals and thieves ) will it all be OK ..

Genuinely interested to know what you are concerned about by not knowing her. ? Personally, if my normally sane responsible DS has thought her good enough to be bf/gf I would accept his choice and leave them be. May not be ready for 'meet the parents' yet.

All said and done he sounds great. He asked. ! He could have said nothing and just invited her over once you had gone. But he doesn't sound like that kind of young man.

As for sex. Well that it's entirely their business. Your responsibility as a parent to a 17 year old male is to make sure he understands about consent and to protect himself from unplanned pregnancy. That's where it ends.

I also would like to meet her first. If ds was inviting a male friend over while I was away I would want it to be someone I've met too. It's not an unreasonable request.

100% they are.

He's already stayed at her house.

Make sure he has plenty of condoms. Buy them and show him where you've put them.

You don’t know him sorry. He’s always been a ‘geek’. Academic high flier, rarely went out with his friends. Loads of hobbies. Really not interested in girls.
But yes I guess I should have discussed it with him. He’s just so bloody sensible and never had any kind of problem with him.

If you believe it's just those two then there's not much they can do except make a mess. And hopefully clean it up. I presume you're ok with the fact they're having sex?
I'd be concerned they might throw a party. Or just invite a couple people and it escalated. But even that wouldn't be the end of the world if they were all kids he knew and they didn't break anything. There could be a noise complaint from neighbours I guess.
But if that seems unlikely then I think it's fine.

You should make sure her parents know you are going away. I would speak to her mum and makes sure she knows. As a mum of girls I would very much appreciate you letting me know.