DS 17 wants to bring his first girlfriend back to our house whilst we’re away for the weekend

[Simonsignoret]

Would you allow this or am I being naive ?
Normally very trustworthy and responsible. Never had a girlfriend before. He’s stayed at the girl’s home twice with another male friend after going to a couple of parties there as she lives about 35 mins away (social gatherings rather than wild raves btw, ds doesn’t drink either).
Appreciate that this sounds wanky but according to ds the family is very middle class. Both want to apply to Oxbridge later in the year so a lot to lose if they dick around.
Apparently they want to watch something on TV.
We’ll be away Saturday and back Sunday, normally he’d stay with his dad. His bedroom at his dads is essentially a box room so I get the awkwardness of the situation.
I know I need to get more info. What would other people do ?

OP they're 17.

I would bet my house that neither of them is a virgin anymore.

It makes no difference if you haven't met her - your going away is a green light for them to watch TV have sex.

Come on - you were 17 once.

Stayed at her house with several others. I picked them up. He’s met her folks too. She’s one of his friendship group since they went into sixth form. Her friends are going out with his friends.

You’re been naive

I was but a very boring 17 year old I’m afraid.

If he's a geek theres a strong chance he would be far too scared to initiate any sex, but if she's a good time posh girl she might demand a good rogering over the kitchen counter.

And he still isn’t (giving you any trouble)

He is a17yo man who has his first gf.
Pretty normal.
He doesn’t need a whole lecture about condoms. He’ll have had them at school (so I have been told by ds when I broach the subject lol). Just remind him. Maybe put some in his room.
Thats it.

I would be ok with it as long as they were respectful of the house

I would allow it. No need to meet her, that’s a bit OTT. Trust your DS. He sounds sensible.

Talk to him about STIs and pregnancy and leave condoms somewhere for him

*by talk to, I mean sentence or two! Not a sit down chat 😂

He can be sensible and still be having sex. He’s old enough.

Sensible people have sex.

I think to be honest it may be too late to be having chats with him. Hopefully he’s knows enough now. Just let her stay and tell them to have a nice time.

I meant sensible for looking after the house!

I’m reading in to your posts OP that you think if he has sex with his GF that makes him untrustworthy? That would be a problem for you?

I’m just trying to work out what the issue is. You talk about him being sensible, her being middle class.

There’s nothing wrong with two consenting 17 year olds having sex. You might just need to change your thinking around all this a little.

Probably have a chat in the car. He’s on work experience this week so I’ll broach it with him on the way there.

As a Mother of sons not only have we had the enthusiastic consent, constant checking and pausing to make sure it is still okay, safe sex conversation but also that they are male, they do not get to decide what a woman does with her body. The conversation before sex is if you were to get pregnant what would you think you would do? It puts a potential pregnancy on the table as a discussion point to consider before being overwhelmed with feelings that lead to sex.

My friend's brother was 17 when he and his girlfriend became pregnant, they had condoms which were literally in the same room as them but "got carried away" and she had and kept the baby at 17.

What on earth has Oxbridge got to do with it?

You know what they're going to do, OP...

Put a lock on your bedroom door, or he will use your double bed...

Not sure why it linked your post. Sorry

Nope not really a problem. The issue is that I wasn’t sure what to do. Instinct is to trust him. I guess he didn’t need to have told me.
I’m not opposed to them having protected consensual sex. I am just aware that teenagers getting enmeshed in relationships can cause all kinds of emotional upsets at a really important time.

Trust him about what though?

He’s really focussed on his studies. So is she. Wasn’t a sly boast honest.

I projected exactly the same to my parents at that age too. Didn't think it was any of their business and I definitely wanted to avoid embarrassing chats.

I would definitely talk to him about contraception and how important it is that he protects her from pregnancy. I'd buy a big box of condoms and let her stay.

Most students have a relationship before going to university. He could meet someone there on the first day and you'd be worried then that he wouldn't make the most of his time there.

You're his mum - you'll ALWAYS worry! Just welcome this girl into his life and be glad she has her own ambitions.

Yep I would do this too.

Sorry but I don't understand the link between being academic and sex. Sex is a normal healthy human behaviour. He's not devoid of sexuality just cos he's a good smart kid.

Anyway if you're so sure he's not interested in sex then you've nothing to worry about.

I'm only surprised that he's told you about his plans.

Not in a million years would a stranger be staying in my house.