DS 17 wants to bring his first girlfriend back to our house whilst we’re away for the weekend

[Simonsignoret]

Would you allow this or am I being naive ?
Normally very trustworthy and responsible. Never had a girlfriend before. He’s stayed at the girl’s home twice with another male friend after going to a couple of parties there as she lives about 35 mins away (social gatherings rather than wild raves btw, ds doesn’t drink either).
Appreciate that this sounds wanky but according to ds the family is very middle class. Both want to apply to Oxbridge later in the year so a lot to lose if they dick around.
Apparently they want to watch something on TV.
We’ll be away Saturday and back Sunday, normally he’d stay with his dad. His bedroom at his dads is essentially a box room so I get the awkwardness of the situation.
I know I need to get more info. What would other people do ?

A big box of condoms.

If you've never had problems with him before I think you need to trust him this time. Make sure he has condoms!

First thoughts were it seems like he is responsible as he's asked your permission. I'd let her stay- maybe a little safe sex reminder and tell him you've left some condoms in X location if it comes to that but not to rush into anything etc

I would be totally fine

Definitely not.
under no circumstances.

At least he asked. I'd let him.

Some teenagers, from a variety of backgrounds, seem to get to 'that point' without even being in a relationship!

17 year olds are likely having sex no matter how welcoming or unwelcoming you make your home.

I had some frank discussions about birth control and then trusted them. It made things much easier. I was having sex in the backseat of a car at 17.

It's happening and will continue to do so it's much safer in your home than up an alleyway I'd provide condoms tbh.

Wouldn't bother me at all, infact I'd be happy he actually even asked.

I’ll follow up with the reassuring antecdote that both my boys and their girlfriends have gone to very prestigious universities despite being allowed to share a bed in my house.

Perhaps not wasting their intellect sneaking around left time for Further Maths🤣🤣🤣

Some great advice and very funny comments. Most of it has generally mirrored what I was going to do tbh. Wasn’t sure if I was being the stereotypical aged liberal parent 😬

I let my girls have boyfriends stay over from 17. They were both bright and studious with their heads set on medicine and top universities, but they also needed a social life and by 17 they had both had sex (I know because they told me, and asked to go on the pill)
Those first relationships didn't last, but having trust in them meant they were happy to talk to me, and they both went off to their respective universities and medical careers without a hitch.

I won’t like this situation personally and would not feel comfortable. So I won’t allow it. I’m much more conservative in that sense.

What a load of rubbish. I'm in my fifties so was a teenager in the eighties. I was very academic, as were most of my posher friends. Most of us had boyfriends at 17, and we were all shagging them. We still somehow managed to get to uni and have professional careers!

OP, I’m not sure exactly what the issue is here.

Is it that you are concerned that you are going to have a stranger staying in your house? This is understandable. If there is time, maybe it would be nice if she came for dinner, or at least a coffee first.

Or is it that they are going to have sex? Having sex at 17 is normal.

Looking back to when l was a sexually active 17 year old female, now in my 40s if that’s relevant, mum used to say to me if something isn’t making you feel nice, stop doing it. Boys are different, l don’t try and pretend otherwise, but think the same message should be conveyed to both of then.

It's sweet that he's asked

Just say yes

I couldn't get het up about it quite honestly. What are you worried about? Sex? They'll do it wherever they can if they want to. And 17, it's hardly an issue.

Academically high-achieving kids have the same sex drive as peers who scrape a pass.