Adultifying young kids why are people doing it?!

[SurpriseOzzy]

I just need to stop following these friends who are letting their pre-teens wear body con dresses, acrylic nails, teensy bikinis, tonnes of make up, pouting and pulling backward V signs like it’s cool!!! Wtaf is wrong with people sexualising their young daughters and sticking it on insta? Do they not realise the perverted idiots out there who will be getting off on these pics!!

Just let kids be kids.

I say that as someone was sexually abused as a pre-teen!!!

Agreed. Pick your battles is my mantra. Imagine the comments if we were suggesting adults couldn’t wear whay they liked for getting the wrong attention.
Body con dresses on preteens are not sexy to normal people. Theyre just T-shirt dresses. My daughter is more covered in that than she is in her gym leotards which she spends most of her life in (with crocs and a white fox hoody if its cold 😂)

We can't / wont control friendship groups and I am not prepared to have her isolated by not having what is “cool” within reason.

It's very sad that that's what counts as friendship for children; they either wear the right clothes or they are isolated.

Same here.

My 9yo old loves make up and nail polish (but knows that she can only use it at the weekend or holidays), poses for photos and uses the word ‘slay’ with her friends.

She also plays board games, goes to the park, reads books, goes swimming, boxing training and does all her homework (and is currently upstairs playing with dolls with her younger brother.)

It doesn’t have to be one or the other.

Oh and she wears a bikini because it’s easier to go to the toilet than a wet swimsuit, not to be sexy.

I knew of a 10 or just 11 year old who was quite physically mature she went on holiday and the Mum boasted how all the waiters were eying up her child. So sad. Child can’t help being mature but the Mum should have told the waters how young she was.

We can't / wont control friendship groups and I am not prepared to have her isolated by not having what is “cool” within reason.

Why would you want to be friends with people who isolate you for not dressing the same?! That’s really sad.

@SurpriseOzzy very mean spirited and judgemental

Scrutinising your friends kids is weird. Why so much analysis and over investment?

A number of your points are moot. Fifteen year olds getting drunk, kids wanting stuff that is "on trend" so all dressing the same, year six girls idolising female celebrities..... all been happening since the end of the war!

Every generation always thinks they are reinventing the wheel. But actually it's just same old story, new platform.

In many ways children today remain children for longer than ever before. The outrage on here if someone suggests leaving their ten year old to go to the shop! In the 80's we were out roaming the streets and fields all day long. Far more likely to be hit by a car, bitten by a dog, or flashed at. Now the sexual predators are behind the screen. Like I said, same old story, new platform. But in terms of resilience, independence, and parental involvement, kids now definitely grow up slower

Agree. The pamper parties are insane.

I know girls as young as 7 having "pamper parties" and coffee in Costco.

Wtf??

I'm not talking about year 7s.
I did say around aged 5 kids playing out.
Just because it's been the case doesn't mean it wasn't without tragedy when you consider how vulnerable kids are to predators.

Once kids are in high school they do want to have more freedom and independence. I'm talking about small kids.

More judgement.

Have you ever met / been / had a teenager?

It is a phase, you learn from, wanting to have the same stuff as your friends doesn't mean anyone is necessarily ostracising them, maybe the child wants to be like someone specific or maybe its just how they show their crowd / identity.
It isn't really different to seeing something you like on a celebrity, but of course all the judgy people on here only dress in their own style, never following anything anyone else has worn. 🙄
I'm sure no one passing judgement on here has ever been guilty of keeping up with the Jones’ and none of them have the same car, soft furnishings, or holidays as anyone they know.
When you're surrounded by similar people you tend to have similar things.
My teens have things the same and still have things different, just as we did.
My DD very definitely has her own sense of style as well as wanting things like her friends.

I swear some MN families wear not allowing their teens to be teens as a badge of honour. I don't hold with sexualising tweens and forcing them in to beauty regimes but that is a far cry from allowing your kids the individuality from your parental controls to be a sheep if they want to be. It makes for discussion and personal growth.

My elder teen is now very self assured and a lovely rounded person having been through a phase of wanting the same stuff as his peers and not having to have angst over a parent who can't understand that sometimes you want to blend in as much as sometimes you want to be your own person.

There still are. Even better , sometimes the tribes are mixed , so you get a big group where you get girls into all kinds of things from taylor swift, to football, to makeup , to wearing only black , to lives in jeans/trackies to super girly and pink.

There are still ‘tribes’. Probably always will be.

I just don't understand why parents are letting their kids go about looking utterly ridiculous. My niece at 12, was wearing the full make up - applied dreadfully, long talons, fake tan and the big massive eyelashes. She looked awful. She's now 16 and a nightmare, they're having a terrible time with her. Too late now to wonder what went wrong...she was handed anything she ever 'wanted'. We all know what went wrong but they're baffled. I even remember my SIL complaining about how much it was all costing her, then in the next sentence saying " niece is booked in for her hair extensions tomorrow". This was around 14. What the hell is there for them to look forward to once they get older?

Think people are trying to make excuses for poor parenting. You’re the adult. You make these decisions. Not your kids.

You don’t know that that kid doesn’t go to brownies or guides too!

My point is that mocktails aren’t a big deal unless you make them a big deal and clutch your pearls.

@damnedifyoudodammedifyoudont

Not wanting to be friends with people who would isolate you for not being a sheep isn’t judgement. it’s a valuable life lesson, because that isn’t friendship 😆😆

Have you ever met / been / had a teenager?

Nope, went straight from nappies to adulthood.

The rest of your post just contradicts the bit of your previous post I originally replied to which was the below

”I am not prepared to have her isolated by not having what is “cool” within reason.”

If you didn’t mean the above you could have saved yourself a lot of typing & just said you didn’t actually mean the above.

Not wanting to be friends with people who would isolate you for not being a sheep isn’t judgement. it’s a valuable life lesson, because that isn’t friendship

I agree. I would hate my child to hang around with people who would ostracise them if they wore the wrong clothes. They sound like a load of bullies. I would want my child to have authentic friendships and to see the value in others despite their appearance.

Im glad that I am not the only one thinking that.... i had similar conversation about this topic with someone and i was told that I am old fashioned (I'm 33 for the record) that times had changed and kids also changed. FFS

So, Say it louder to the people at the back STOP SEXUALISING CHILDREN.
Just because times had changed doesn't mean we should allow them to act like mini adults when they are 10 or 12.... we as an adults are giving them devices to act this way, and I feel that in a way adults are responsible for robbing those children from their childhood, not apps or social media. We allow them to use it....

It's probably just about possible (with effort) to keep young tweens away from being completely swamped by all this, but girls in particular are put in an impossible position from secondary onwards with the demands of fitting in via social media. They are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Brilliant times article about it here, www.thetimes.com/life-style/parenting/article/what-happened-when-i-made-my-sons-and-their-friends-go-without-smartphones-vpcnbj58d it's behind a pay wall but I believe you can read it on the smartphone free childhood Instagram page www.instagram.com/smartphonefreechildhood?igsh=Ym04eTdmMjhqMTA4

A certain type of child abuse. Your poor niece.