Adultifying young kids why are people doing it?!

[SurpriseOzzy]

I just need to stop following these friends who are letting their pre-teens wear body con dresses, acrylic nails, teensy bikinis, tonnes of make up, pouting and pulling backward V signs like it’s cool!!! Wtaf is wrong with people sexualising their young daughters and sticking it on insta? Do they not realise the perverted idiots out there who will be getting off on these pics!!

Just let kids be kids.

I say that as someone was sexually abused as a pre-teen!!!

Hardly work when you are Connor and Liana and sharing your adoring Kozy singing and having his best life

Im going to make myself a target here!
My 10 year old has the odd bodycon dress, loves her Nike shorts and loves posing (I hate it, we gently tease her about this), she loves painting her nails. I’m nothing like any of that but she loves it/seems to make her so happy. We’ve said no to acrylic nails 😱, wearing crop tops only occasionally, make up.

She goes to a running club twice a week, swimming twice a week, draws and likes craft projects.

I try and compromise with my daughter so she can have fun experimenting but still remain a child.

What a shitty thread, especially the ones targeting tweens who spend hours and hours on dance practice. Maybe they will become dancers, who are any of you to say they won't? Good for them for having aspirations, and good on the parents for supporting them. Not everyone dreams of going to uni, becoming an accountant and marrying some hooray Henry.

I pestered my mum for a pint. Didn't mean I got one tho...

So 7 year olds buy their own clothes! I think not.

I hate it too OP. I was a young kid in many ways. I still played with toys in my early teens (secretly, I was aware it was weird!) and I was young in the way I dressed.

It actually made turning 16/17 more fun when I discovered more grown up clothes and a bit of make-up. I really enjoyed that then because it was new and exciting.

I hate seeing small children pouting and posing for pictures. It’s really strange.

It’s not that simple. My 11yo is into make up and skincare and wants a white fox hoody for Christmas - she doesn’t have tik tok or insta and I don’t wear make up or dress fashionably etc etc - it’s her own interests and seems to be what most people her age are also into. I’ve no desire to influence or police her interests, though I don’t let her out alone with make up/dressed inappropriately etc as she could easily pass for much older. Not much else I can do? She shows a lot more interest in self awareness and self care than my generation so not sure it’s totally unhealthy anyway.

I agree.

My 11 (almost 12 year old) loves all the “Sephora kid” trends and skincare routines.. she also has gel nails that she does at home during the school holidays (not long ones, just short painted nails with designs that she paints on, and she does her friends too).

She loves those ridiculous photo poses, and has group photos all over her walls where they are all in a group doing similar ones (and wearing the white fox hoodies/Nike Pros/white crocs!).

Some of her friends have taken to wearing false eyelashes and make up in the holidays, my DD hasn’t but that is just her choice and I really won’t be wasting any of time judging her friends of their parents! They are really nice group of young girls, and they are just trying this stuff out.

My DD also surfs, skates, runs cross country, rides a bike everywhere she goes, spends a lot of time looking disheveled in suitable “outdoor clothing”, goes to any activity club going and loves the activities that some posters seem to prefer as they see them as more wholesome (bracelet making, baking, trampoline bouncing, whatever). Her friends do similar activities.

It doesn’t have to be one or the other.

All that group stuff includes chatting and bonding too, when they are sitting chatting and trying out their “nail art” on each other and talking about the latest trends. Older teens and women do it too, it doesn’t make someone “less than” if they enjoy and engage in that stuff.

I would ask you OP, why on earth are you so worked about people who don’t even affect you?

It's abundantly clear that some children will never have the talent, technique or work ethic, needed to actually work professionally in dance and sustain a career that allows them
to support themselves and it's cruel to allow such a child to neglect their basic education (to the point of one of these 13 year olds
with no SEN still being unable to write legibly, and stuck at year 4 level in terms of education across the board) by selling them a pipe dream that they are going to be a famous dancer. It's obvious when a child is one of the weaker dancers at the school and is always hidden at the back in shows and comps, never given any solo or audition opportunities, often out of time and clumsy looking compared to peers, despite the fact they are in class 12+ hours a week. Saying "oh but Molly doesn't need Maths and English, she's going to be a world famous dancer" isn't helpful to that child,

And who am I to say? A course leader in the Faculty of Arts who sits on audition panels and oversees the admissions process for the sort of course Molly (and her peers) would hope to progress on to post 18 and who knows what the (increasingly high) standard is in a very oversaturated and competitive world.

I know, first hand, university isn't for everyone. "Molly" might follow her interest in beauty instead, not being snarky, genuinely mean that might be a good fit for her. I think you are trying to make a point with your final comment that people shouldn't be sheep?

But that's exactly what a lot of these intense dance school/TikTok mad environments create. Everyone looking and thinking and dressing and living the same, except its hypersexualised, image driven and doesn't allow for the breadth of experience needed for health psychological and social development. In some cases. And remember...through my work I see exactly what happens when these young girls become young adults and the bubble bursts.

What I don’t understand is who is funding the make up & skincare, as it’s not cheap brands! How will dc afford this in future?

Everyone looking and thinking and dressing and living the same, except its hypersexualised, image driven and doesn't allow for the breadth of experience needed for health psychological and social development. In somecases. And remember...through my work I see exactly what happens when these young girls become young adults and the bubble bursts.

It cannot be healthy!

This thread just makes me glad I had 3 boys! My youngest is 15 he's only really got into fashion /clothes the last 12 months. Even so he's happy to wear cheap /unbranded if it's a style he likes.

He's all about sport and fitness, and is keen to get good GCSEs. He says its sad how some of the girls in his year aren't doing as well as they should, because they are so focused on their dramas with each other, their image,and their online lives. He got rid of tik tok.

Mixology is a badge you can earn at girl guides. You have to make several mocktails to earn it.

it’s fruit juice. And lots of teens prefer it today to drinking these days in all honesty.

Not sure why you think that’s problematic really.

They will be bored with it in the future. My 14 year old has already lost interest and the “hair straightening/false eyelash” phase has been and gone too. The younger ones emulate the older ones, then the older ones abandon the trends because they become associated with the younger ones.. it has always been that way. Didn’t you ever wear Heather Shimmer lipstick?! (If a 90s kid 😂)

My girls used Christmas and birthday money. On the plus side, I tried out Sol De Janerio leave in conditioner and found that it really suits my hair 😄 I’m not really into make up and things, but I have found myself sitting at the make up desk (complete my Hollywood mirror of course) and trying things out !

I was buying some cheap stuff for myself at the Beauty Outlet store near me and the woman serving me complimented my £3 Revolution eye shadow palette saying she had the same one. She then went on to say that it was all she could afford as her 11 year old used such expensive skincare and makeup (Drunk Elephant was mentioned) and she refused to look at things like Revolution or Byoma. Her colleague agreed and said whenever she would get a treat for herself from her own Mum or DH (so Elemis cleansing balm or a nice perfume), her daughter would either steal it or guilt trip her into giving it to her.

It was quite a sad conversation, and you're right about not necessarily being able to afford it as they get older.

Amongst the young women I teach, the way some of them afford it is;

Klarna
Living at home with parents, not contributing to household bills/keep/food and spending all disposable income on this stuff
Trying to get it for free through content creator/influencer work
Only Fans
Find an older boyfriend to fund it.

Of course, many get given it for Christmas/Birthdays/by parents happy to fund them.

And others do short beauty courses (lashes, nails, hair extensions) and set up fairly lucrative self employment side
hustles on top of their Uni course and another job. Those are almost always the young women who go on to succeed in whatever they do.

Mixology is a badge you can earn at girl guides. You have to make several mocktails to earn it.

.

Clearly not the same as what pp was describing. Simply drinking and posing with mock tails for an insta photo is not a skill - compared to children who go to scouts/guides and do all sorts of activities and skills.

Most children tend to be somewhere in the middle though. While they might follow certain trends (out of curiosity, to fit in or because it appeals to them) they are still kids , with various other hobbies and can/do want to play.

Big part of the issue is what's available in shops . If you don't have the time and/or money to trawl shops/websites you do end up mainly with short shorts, crop tops, bikinis etc. Especially for tween girls where the options are either frilly/flowery/quite young or the kind of stuff you complain about. You can get some sporty/plain options once in a blue moon but that becomes a bit boring/uninspiring.

what is sexy about crocs?

That’s what I was thinking! My 10 and 9 year olds don’t have phones, have never been on TikTok, have absolutely no interest in skincare/make up/nails, wouldn’t know what White Fox was if it hit them in the face, but both have Crocs because they’re useful for putting on round the swimming pool on holiday/after swimming lessons/wearing on the beach etc. There is nothing sexy about them 😂

I've no problem with Crocs / hoodies (yes they are rather identikit but that's harmless enough) and I do tend to agree with the whole "let them be children" school of thought.

However I also have a very willful 9yo. She's just taken an interest in fashion but thankfully she's decided she likes the more athletic look so she's all sports leggings, cycling shorts, oversized t-shirts (I do allow some of the larger / boxy crop tops but nothing tight or that exposes too much midriff)

Make up we don't allow but she has a selection of nail varnishes / selection of lip glosses. She's only allowed clear nail varnish in term time and only allowed vaseline for her lips at school.

She is allowed a set amount of screen time and I keep a close eye on what she watches / does.

No phone, no SM etc. She'll get a phone in preparation for secondary school like her older sibling and she'll have the same caveats and rules.

I am trying to balance things without tipping the scales. I don't want to make it a massive deal. I can imagine down the line it may become more of an issue. We've had the odd battle about her wanting to wear her Converse to school instead of school shoes. ** Converse were a chosen birthday gift.

It's bizarre as I'm not appearance driven at all (I shower, wear clean clothes, moisturise, brush teeth etc but I'm not at all fashionable and I don't do any of the common beauty things - I've never had my nails or eyebrows done, don't wear makeup, have never had a fake tan etc. I'm very low key) so I know I need to keep a tight reign on what DD watches and who she hangs out with.

It's also very odd as I have an 11yo DS who couldn't be less interested in his appearance and still let's me buy all his clothes etc.

@Crunchymum it’s interesting that your daughter is still ‘influenced’ but there seems to be no clear avenue of influence in her life. It shows generally how endemic it is for girls as you said your son isn’t fussed.

I wear mine because they stop the plantar fasciitis coming back deffo an unsexy reason...it would be nice if they did become mainstream sexy although at age 71 I fear they won't help me to pull 😎

Sounds like a nonces dream...yuk.

Indeed.

Influence is almost entirely external. Only thing I can think of is ballet (she needs a certain hairstyle / uses hair spray and hair net)

As I say it's about managing it at the moment. DD is on the mixed school swim team, plays football (as well as more "girly" pursuits - ballet and gymnastics). She enjoys the outdoors, is happy to climb trees, have muddy walks etc. But she's already more appearance conscious than I'd like.

It's much harder - in my experience so far - to raise a DD. So much to navigate. I try so hard to make her aware that how she looks and what she wears in the least important part of who she is. We talk all the time about the importance of all the other things that make people good human beings - Kindness, being respectful, good manners, working hard at school, being friendly and tolerant, treating others as you wish to be treated but also having your own boundaries.

I also have a disabled DD and I'm having a totally different experience with her. In some ways it's a relief she is going to skip all the drama though (she won't be independent, she won't be on SM even when older, she won't be Influenced on the same way as her NT friends as her mental ability is different)